To not want to stay in at my house EVERY weekend?

[RockWeLoveYou]

DPand I do not live together and have kind of got into the routine of every other weekend when DD is at her fathers house DP comes here for the saturday night and stays until sunday. When this originally started he kepts saying "I'll get DS to stay out a few satursdays too so you can stay at my house for a change" but this has never happened. He always just comes to my house and its got to the point now where every weekend i feel like im just stuck in the house becuase its not a night out for me is it? its alright for him, he comes here, eats, sleeps and then goes home. I'm left with all the washing up, mess etc and feel a bit hard done by that I never get a night out. I know its because he cant be arsed to find a babysitter for his son and so finds it miles easier just to come to my house and stay the night leaving his son (14) at home alone.
I know it IS easier for him to come to my house but AIBU in expecting him to make an effort just every now and again for me to go to HIS house so I get a change of scenary too?

[Kallista]

Are you sure he is single?? You need to make sure!
Then instead of cooking book a (cheap) restaurant before he arrives. He should at least go halves on the cost. If he's the type of man who gets drunk on the sofa sitting in front of the tv, never buys you gifts, doesn't help with housework or contribute financially - then he probably won't change.
If the sex is good then let him visit but get ready meals / make beans on toast so you have minimal housework to do.

[LineRunner]

So is he an amazing shag?

Or do you just want a boyfriend?

God, that sounds really intrusive, sorry. What I mean is, what do you see in him?

Hope you're ok.

[squeakytoy]

So where does his 14yo think dad goes to every weekend then??

I could understand you not wanting to meet each others kids if they were young, but at 14 he is old enough to understand and accept that his dad will have relationships and if he is mature enough to be left on his own (which I think is very wrong actually.. a lot can get out of hand when a 14yo is given too much freedom)... I dont see why you cant go over there and meet him.... unless of course there are some lies being told..

[Yummygummybear]

Get rid of him!

If he's like this when you are seperate lives what will he be like if you ever move in together?!

[SpringchickenGoldBrass]

YOu do sound very, very passive and humble, OP. Have you been accustomed to bullies and abusers in the past, or is it just that you have been so thoroughlypressured to believe that a woman is a failure unless she has a Man in her life and therefore any man is better than singlehood?

[Dorje]

Easy SGB! The OP isn't in for a makeover.

She's just looking for ideas as to how she can get invited to his house of a weekend.
Instead of having to clean up some other adult's sh*t.
You know, where she is able to put her feet up and relax and maybe even have a few quid left over after the event - where she might actually see something more of the world than her own four walls, whist her useless lazy selfserving locust tosser erm... new, fabby, guy actually treats her with the respect she deserves.

[LDNmummy]

Woah, I think this is turning into one of those automatic response threads where everyone shouts 'leave him!'.

Chill out people, we don't know every little miniscule detail... yet anyway.

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

TBH, it doesn't sound like much of a relationship. If I've read this properly, you see him overnight every other weekend.
Do you see him during the week at all?

[SpringchickenGoldBrass]

So far the OP hasn't come up with a single thing that suggests the relationship is worth pursuing, it seems very one-sided and I think it's very important to encourage women to dump inadequate men rather than wear themselves out trying to change the behaviour of a selfish loser.

[Laquitar]

Some posters have asked but the question is still unansewed: Why does he need a babysitter for a meal out but not when he is away the whole weekend?

Also, OP have you been at his house?

[Nagini]

Oh, did the OP run away?

lets hope he's taken her to Paris

[Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit]

Did you get this resolved in the end?

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

Paris??!! Sounds as if she'll be lucky if he takes her to the local chippy Nagini

[LineRunner]

I don't think blokes like this change, not in my experience.