Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP is being a little off about me going out with him and his mates?

42 replies

AngryChair · 09/07/2011 16:09

DP started going to the rugby with another bloke from work a few weeks ago. I've always liked watching rugby but being a girl it's not exactly the kind of thing me and lasses arrange! So after about 3 times of him going I said to him "I'd love to go watch rugby with you one time" and he quickly said "oh no, no you wouldn't like coming with us, it's very much a lads night out, you'd hate it" so I was like "ok, he doesn't want a woman interupting his lads night out, fair enough, I can deal with that." But then last week I noticed a message had been posted on DP's facebook profile from the other guy he goes with saying what a great night they'd had and how "emma" had huge blisters all over her feet from the walk from the stadium to the grounds. I assumed it was just a one off and asked DP if any girls ever go with them to the rugby, he said "No, not really". I just left it and assumed it was the other blokes girlfriend. Anyway they went again last night and out of curiosity I went on this other blokes facebook page and he'd put a status update saying "hoping for a win tonight" and then 3 other women had written underneath "can't wait x", "where we all meeting?" and "who else is coming out?" etc

So I said to DP "who else is going with you to the game?" and he said "Paul and a few others from work". I said "wish I could come, I'm childfree tonight" and he said "well it's a lads night really, you wouldn't like it" so I mentioned that on 'Paul's' profile at least 3 other women had said they were going so it wasn't as if I'd be the only woman there and so he got all defensive and said "oh for gods sake, if it bothers you that much I just won't go". I said it doesn't bother me at all and I WANT him to go, just it would be nice if I could go too as a one off" and so he started pouting and said he wasn't going!!

AIBU to think this is really odd??? or am I being too pushy in wanting to go in the first place?

OP posts:
follyfoot · 09/07/2011 16:11

Oooo no you are not being pushy at all. Sad

hellyeah · 09/07/2011 16:12

maybe he just hangs with his mates and finds the woman being there annoying.

Original poster
AngryChair · 09/07/2011 16:14

Its wierd because one night I was going out with a few of my friends and he was a bit sulky about it so I said "why don't you come?" and he said no as he wouldn't know anyone. I had the bright idea of him meeting up with his mates from work and me with mine and then eventually all meeting up together in a pub somewhere - allow new friendships to form perhaps!! he immediately dismissed the idea. I feel like he just doesn't want me anywhere near his mates and I can't understand why.

OP posts:
cjbartlett · 09/07/2011 16:15

He sounds either ashamed to be out with you or on the pull Sad
either way I'd dump him for being a wanker

inatrance · 09/07/2011 16:15

Hmmm I would insist on going, are any of the women single I wonder??

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/07/2011 16:15

So you're going because you don't trust him and he doesn't want you to go because he doesn't want you there? He really sounds as if he doesn't want you there. Perhaps these others are not going 'together' in the sense, just going to meet up there?

I don't know but you sound mistrustful and your 'DP' sounds like you have reason for that. :(

Goodynuff · 09/07/2011 16:16

There is something else going on here.... could it be that he has a bit of a moan about you to the guys, and is now embarassed? Hopefully if you have another talk to him, when he is calmer, he will tell you what is really going on.

Original poster
AngryChair · 09/07/2011 16:18

I thought it sounds like he's embarrassed by me but to be honest, without being bigheaded or blowing my own trumpet I can't understand WHY he'd be embarrassed by me. I'm not overweight (not that that should cause any embarrassment), I'm not hideously ugly, I don't wear outlandish clothes or granny frocks - I'm just like the other women that go from what I can work out!. I sometimes get the impression that maybe he slags me off a lot to them and is worried that something will come up. I remember one time 'Paul' saw us together and shouted to DP, DP was mortfied and rushed into the house and then stood there panicking saying "oh great, of all the people to go past" etc!!

OP posts:
LineRunner · 09/07/2011 16:18

This is live rugby, in a stadium, at night?

I've never heard of that before. (Sheltered life.)

But I don't see why you couldn't go.

Original poster
AngryChair · 09/07/2011 16:20

I didn't want to go to keep an eye on him, I wanted to go before I even knew that other women went with them! and then when he lied about it - that's when I started to furrow a brow so to speak!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/07/2011 16:23

That's very odd, OP, why would it matter if you'd been seen with him? It doesn't matter to you but obviously it does to him. It almost sounds as if he has an arrangement elsewhere and has downplayed his relationship with you to one of 'casual' or something?

He doesn't sound very nice. :(

RandomMess · 09/07/2011 16:23

Erm do his colleagues/mates know you are together?

Sounds like he makes out his single to me, or it's not a serious relationship.

eurochick · 09/07/2011 16:25

How long have you been together? The driveby incident is weird. Are you sure you're not the bit on the side?

WhoAteMySnickers · 09/07/2011 16:26

Do these people know you are in a relationship with him? Does he say so in his FB profile? He'd really rather not go at all than have you come along? Something isn't right. YANBU at all. He is up to something.

TidyDancer · 09/07/2011 16:31

Well, there could be a number of things at play here. It could be that he's ashamed of you or embarrassed about something that might happen if you were there. Ie, are you prone to doing silly things while drunk? It could also be that these are his friends and he just doesn't want you involved with them. There's nothing wrong with that at all btw, but he should tell you if that is what's happening. Yes, there's a chance that he might be cheating on you or wanting to cheat on you, but you shouldn't assume that it's the most likely option.

I'm wondering if he's socially inept, and is overanalysing what it's going to be like having to slot you into the group, and how perhaps he might have behaved differently around the friends than he does around you? Therefore, you being present might expose that he's not being real around the friends or might cause arguments with you if you see how he is with them.

I agree, it sounds weird how he behaving but more so because he's not explaining it than that he doesn't want you there. I have to say though, the fact that he's outright lying rather than just not telling you what's what is making me hear alarm bells.

Original poster
AngryChair · 09/07/2011 16:31

Well we seperated a while ago and I suspect he heavily slagged me off during this time and then when the drive by thing happened, we'd got back together but I don't think he'd told anyone we were back together. The scenario I imagine was that he and his mates were still happily ripping the piss out of me even after we'd got back together because he didn't have the balls to tell them we were back together IYSWIM?

But they definately know now. I'm just wondering if he's created some kind of clown figure out of me and I'm a joke amongst the group which he's worried will become obvious if I go out with them.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 09/07/2011 16:33

Hmmm. The Paul incident makes it seem worse tbh. He seems to be going to great lengths to hide the relationship. It's bizarre.

LittleMissFlustered · 09/07/2011 16:37

Go anyway. Buy a ticket and enjoy the match. Phooey to your partner. He sounds like a muppet, and not in a cheesy, enjoyable Saturday morning type way.

Pancakeflipper · 09/07/2011 16:38

He's got his life in handy compartments.

The lads, the rugby, some extra girls to flirt with. Oh and you to shag but not take out.

You sound worth more than this. Tell him to grow up or piddle off

Original poster
AngryChair · 09/07/2011 16:39

Paul is very much a jack-the-lad, early 20s, very popular, loud and confident. DP on the other hand is much older (late 30s), no real friends, quiet and very low on self esteem. I think Paul has a tendancy to rip the piss out of other lads as they do to him but DP takes it all to heart and I'm wondering if Paul has said something to DP about me which makes him think we should never meet.

OP posts:
cjbartlett · 09/07/2011 16:39

Could he have another woman in that circle or someone he's got his eye on?
Why don't you just say 'why don't you want me to come?'
He probably knows better than we do...

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/07/2011 16:40

How serious are you about this relationship, OP?Because I have to say it doesn't sound as if he's taking it too seriously. Particularly with the drive-by, he is hiding you, doesn't want you mixing with his friends. Doesn't want any extra personal bonds to form between you, IYSWIM. It does sound as if he's presenting himself as single, perhaps to the women who also go to the rugby. Sad

Original poster
AngryChair · 09/07/2011 16:40

He won't answer that question cj. I've already asked. He says he's "not bothered" but "didn't really want to go this week anyway" but he had a ticket already!

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 09/07/2011 16:42

He had a ticket already? Why don't yu ask if you can use it, and see what he says?

LolaRennt · 09/07/2011 16:44

Maybe he just wants some time to himself? If you are trying to get his friends and your friends to all be friends he might feel a bit claustrophic. I think I would. Sometimes its nice to just do things on your own, unless he gives you reason other than this to worry.. I'd just assume he wanted some space.