To think DP is being a little off about me going out with him and his mates?

[AngryChair]

DP started going to the rugby with another bloke from work a few weeks ago. I've always liked watching rugby but being a girl it's not exactly the kind of thing me and lasses arrange! So after about 3 times of him going I said to him "I'd love to go watch rugby with you one time" and he quickly said "oh no, no you wouldn't like coming with us, it's very much a lads night out, you'd hate it" so I was like "ok, he doesn't want a woman interupting his lads night out, fair enough, I can deal with that." But then last week I noticed a message had been posted on DP's facebook profile from the other guy he goes with saying what a great night they'd had and how "emma" had huge blisters all over her feet from the walk from the stadium to the grounds. I assumed it was just a one off and asked DP if any girls ever go with them to the rugby, he said "No, not really". I just left it and assumed it was the other blokes girlfriend. Anyway they went again last night and out of curiosity I went on this other blokes facebook page and he'd put a status update saying "hoping for a win tonight" and then 3 other women had written underneath "can't wait x", "where we all meeting?" and "who else is coming out?" etc

So I said to DP "who else is going with you to the game?" and he said "Paul and a few others from work". I said "wish I could come, I'm childfree tonight" and he said "well it's a lads night really, you wouldn't like it" so I mentioned that on 'Paul's' profile at least 3 other women had said they were going so it wasn't as if I'd be the only woman there and so he got all defensive and said "oh for gods sake, if it bothers you that much I just won't go". I said it doesn't bother me at all and I WANT him to go, just it would be nice if I could go too as a one off" and so he started pouting and said he wasn't going!!

AIBU to think this is really odd??? or am I being too pushy in wanting to go in the first place?

He knows I wouldn't go on my own. The thing is I have met this other bloke briefly - I remember it well! we were walking into his work together (supermarket) and there were a couple of blokes stood near the door. The both said "alright S*" to him and he said hello back. I looked behind me and they were intently staring at us looking all confused and suspicious. I never thought any more of it at the time.

I'm not usually a fan of backing someone into a corner, but you need to force an answer from him somehow, even if you need to have a small row about it. Something is absolutely not right here.

I have male and female friends that DP doesn't really see, and the same goes for him, but I would not deceive him over me seeing them, nor would I lie to him so he wouldn't come when I did see them (and neither would he).

The more you say about this, the more I think that although an innocent explanation is possible, it's not probable. If he won't truthfully explain why he doesn't want you there, you need to carefully consider your position in this relationship.

I had this when I was with an ex once,and oviously this is just MY experience but we had split up and got back together and he'd not told ANYONE. Just continued slagging me off, saying I wouldn't leave his flat etc. I remember the moment I found out as well from one of his mates. It was quite shocking some of the things he'd said about me whilst playing happy families at home. Rather than take me to the office party he'd told work I'd refused to let him leave for it and had threatened violent behaviour.
I hope it has an innocent explaination. Men with no backbone are quite horrible.

If you're good enough to be with, OP, then you're good enough for your 'DP' to 'come out in the open about'. As you've said, your 'DP' isn't some immature boy. There's no stigma in splitting up and getting back together again - work for 'Wait-ey Katie' after all... why hasn't he been so happy that you're back together that he's proud to tell all and sundry? And when exactly did 'Paul-gate' happen? Days ago? Weeks ago? Months ago?

Hard to hear, OP, I know, but you deserve better. Any man who isn't proud that you're with him is one that doesn't deserve the pleasure of your company and certainly isn't worthy of the title of 'DP'.

Sounds like he's playing some sort of game about his relationship with you, he's in his 30's - seriously I just couldn't be bothered.

Get out there and find someone who is proud and pleased to be with you!

I am waiting for him to deliberately engineer a 'falling out' with you later so he can stomp off out and go alone and leave you sitting at home feeling shitty until he comes back and you make up.

Why can you not sit and ask him bluntly what is the problem as there obviously is one?

I think you have sort of answered your own dilemma OP: when you were separated he either allowed or encouraged his mates to turn you into a cartoon hate figure. Then when you got back together he was either too spineless to tell them that he had got back with you and therefore forget anything nasty he said or he only got back with you because he wants his dinner cooked and his dick sucked and is actively looking for your replacement, therefore he doesn't want his workmates to meet you again.

Put the cat amongst the pigeons - write something on his Facebook page about how you'd love to go to watch the rugby but that it seems your boyfriend isn't prepared to let you go with him. Preferably as part of the other persons post and comments.

I'm sure someone on here can think of the perfect thing to strike the right balance of being light hearted and not too needy but enough to make your dp realise you are serious about going and flush out reactions from others if he has been slagging you off or flirting with others etc...

Wow, anyone who slagged me off horribly would be history for good. Why did you get back together with him if you knew how nasty he had been about you. It really isn't the behaviour of a reasonable person to slag off an ex and then get back together with them.

Spot on Xales I'd bet moneyhe does that

Wow he sounds like a Knob. Not sure it even matters why he's acting like this TBH.

This rings alarm bells for me. You deserve better than this 'man'.

My DH would never exclude me from a group social thing that I wanted to go to. I love rugby and we go to magnets league games on Friday nights. I hate football and he goes without me. No stress or drama.
I couldn't be bothered with somebody who basically didn't want me around. Sorry for you OP

OP where have you gone

i think it's very weird keeping you hidden from everyone.

I assume you're not living together? It sounds like he's seeing someone else to me.. maybe someone at work? Very odd.

I think he has enjoyed painting you in the role as baddy to his mates and getting their sympathy and is worried if they meet you, they will realise you are a nice person and not what he makes out

My DH used to keep me away from his workmates (was easy as he commuted 60 odd miles) and on the two occasions we bumped into a work collegue locally he was visibly embarressed and couldn't wait to get away.. Things came out later that made me realise he was spinning some tales to them