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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

more wwyd - rudeness re: birthday presents

45 replies

cantstandthenoise · 08/07/2011 20:47

My DD is friends with a girl in her class and I'm friends with her mother. Today they invited us round for a cup of tea but said it was her todder's (3 year old) birthday. So I bought the little girl something, nothing expensive but something I thought she'd like.

When she opened it the mother immediately said 'oh she's that exact same thing' and proceeded to show me. I felt a bit deflated but then she said 'oh we'll give it to her cousin who's birthday is next week'. I said 'don't worry I'll change it' and took it home.

But having got home, feel quite irritated. If it had been me I would have just said thank you. The little girl was pleased and don't think she would have said that she'd got it. I now feel like giving it to someone else and just not mentioning it again. AIBU - maybe this is common practice???

OP posts:
Original poster
cantstandthenoise · 08/07/2011 20:49

.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/07/2011 20:49

I think it depends what it is.. if it was something that only cost a couple of pounds or less, then she probably didnt think she was being rude..

ChaosTrulyReigns · 08/07/2011 20:50
Shock

Never visit her again.

Pippinintherain · 08/07/2011 20:51

She was rude.

You accept a gift with thanks regardless if you already have it or it's shit.

cjbartlett · 08/07/2011 20:51

I don't think it was that bad tbh

Original poster
cantstandthenoise · 08/07/2011 20:52

I think it could around £7 - I'm sure they'd change it in the shop but I don't really feel that I can be bothered to go back.

OP posts:
Original poster
cantstandthenoise · 08/07/2011 20:53

I mean cost not could

OP posts:
Butterflybows · 08/07/2011 20:53

Hi,

I think it was v rude of your friend. You didn't spend your money on a present for a stranger. She should have been more gracious and kept quite about it being a duplicate present. She should have said it was lovely etc and 'thankyou' - end of.

What you do with the present depends on how friendly you and your DD are with them. I'd be tempted to 'forget' about getting another present.

TidyDancer · 08/07/2011 20:53

Very very rude. I wouldn't take any present in its place. Awful woman.

Bluebell99 · 08/07/2011 20:53

That was a nice thing to do (by you) and very thoughless of her. I wouldn't bother to get any thing else tbh.(What was it btw?!)

helenthemadex · 08/07/2011 20:54

incredibly rude

I went to a party recently mums a close friend of mine and son is good friends with my dd's I gave him something he already had and being only 6 he said so, his mum really annoyed with him and said he was really rude,

he had the excuse of being young this friend is very rude and I would not get a replacement

PotPourri · 08/07/2011 20:55

It was rude. So very rude.

My children unfortunately are prone to saying "Nana alraedy got me that" or the like, but I explain very quietly to them to graciously say thank you and about 50% of the time it passes unnoticed. However, I would NEVER say it myself!

I have a 'friend' who has not once, but twice given us one of my children back a gift that we gave one of her children (I know because they were fairly unusual things that I thought carefully about as something they would appreciate). I did not politely whisper to my daughter the second time not to say anything rude! Regifting, I can get my head around (I tend to donate mine to tombolas for charity or the like tbh), but fgs, don't give it back to the person it came from!!

It was definately rude. Personaly I would let your daughter keep the thing and just give the other child something out the pound shop - but I'm a bit bitter like that!

bluejeans · 08/07/2011 20:56

I would just leave it too.

DD was at a party a couple of years ago and the mum text me the next day and said 'X has already got her present, can I have the receipt?' I was annoyed as got her three separate things and no clue which she meant, and didn't have receipt for any of them. I texted back to return gift and I would swap it but she didn't bother.

MoonGirl1981 · 08/07/2011 20:56

She's rude.

Re-giving gifts is rude enough.

Telling the giver that you plan to give the gift they bought you to someone else as a present from them is very, very rude.

HPonEverything · 08/07/2011 20:56

It amazes me that people like this manage to have friends (her I mean, not you)

I must be going wrong somewhere as I don't have any sort of 'bff' :( and yet I wouldn't dream of behaving like she did.

She sounds awful, I hope she felt guilty after you took the present home.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 08/07/2011 20:57

Ok, you took the present away with you to swap?

Is that the wwyd part of this?

Confused
Original poster
cantstandthenoise · 08/07/2011 20:58

It was a fairy doll - I was in the toy shop and got the opinion of several other mums about a suitable toy for a 3 year old and that's what they recommended.

It's no use to my DD (who's 10) and I don't know many people with 3/4 year old girls but there is a woman I work with who's daughter is also 3 this weekend and I may give it to her.

OP posts:
DogsBestFriend · 08/07/2011 21:00

Incredibly rude. I'm shocked to find that a couple of posters don't think so tbh.

Original poster
cantstandthenoise · 08/07/2011 21:01

I could understand the regifting bit - I would have done that in her place but would never have said it!

OP posts:
Rosebud05 · 08/07/2011 21:02

I remember someone saying that to me once when I bought a particular book for her 1 year old. Similar situation, I didn't know her well enough to know what her child had/didn't have but wanted to be generous.

I think I just left it with her, but her daughter is now 15 and a) I still remember it and b) I've never bothered buying her anything again.

In this situation, I'd give it to someone else and actually not bother giving her dd anything (she won't notice anyway as she's 3).

bluejeans · 08/07/2011 21:05

Some people do have strange attitude to present giving/receiving. I have a very good friend who often says things like 'I'm surprised you got me a XXX' or 'Oh that won't suit me' etc and also blatantly re-gifts things and/or gives people things she has bought for herself then decided she didn't want. She is otherwise lovely though and I've got used to it!

Original poster
cantstandthenoise · 08/07/2011 21:07

I think that is what I'll do. I was a bit upset because I went out of my way to buy it, wrap it etc. Toy shop is not near me - which is why I can't be bothered to take it back.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 08/07/2011 21:08

As I said, if for example it was a colouring book, or something else of a similar value, I can understand her saying "oh thanks but she already has that one, I will give it to her cousin"... but no, if it was something costing about £7 then thats slighly different and yes, she was rude.

islawhiter · 08/07/2011 21:10

Cantstandthenoise, you sound like a delightful,sweet person, dont let it get you down, the woman has no manners, som people just have no social ettiquette im afraid.

bluejeans · 08/07/2011 21:13

Did you DD think she was rude?