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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what's wrong with being proud and putting it on FB?

34 replies

NoobyNoob · 08/07/2011 17:47

A thread over on chat has got me a little miffed here

Really, what IS wrong with posting something like this? If I saw this on my newsfeed, I'd think well done to the child. It's no different to someone posting on here saying how proud they are is it?

Since becoming a Mum last year, DS is doing an awful lot of little achievements - and whilst I don't post every single one on Facebook, there have been moments like his first steps, first birthday etc which have gone onto FB simply because I'm so so proud of him.

If people don't like what they see on Facebook, why don't they just come off or hide the poster?

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 08/07/2011 17:50

I think most people are shocked that a school report such as that even exits, most of us are the recipients of ones that barely get the name of our child correct, and are c&p'd from a report generator that makes your child's report practically a carbon copy of little johnnies down the road.

thursday · 08/07/2011 17:52

yeah that wouldnt bother me. nothing wrong with being proud, when it borders onto painfully smug i hide them. some people only ever update about their amazing genius child and their latest (perfectly ordinary and everyday) activity and that is just dull and makes them look a little dim for thinking it would impress anyone. the competitive type, everyone knows one.

Original poster
NoobyNoob · 08/07/2011 17:54

Oh I see, that makes sense. I've not yet experienced the joy of the school reports, my time will come!

So effectively people lie out of their arses when it comes to reports? How odd.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoobyNoob · 08/07/2011 17:54

...and some people, not everyone!

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 08/07/2011 17:54

Of course you are proud of your child's achievements. But you know that. For everyone else it is just yawnsome, it is honestly. Perhaps some very close friends and doting grandparents might want to know, but, really, no one else does ...

IslaValargeone · 08/07/2011 17:58

Until last year my dd went to a small village school 50 kids. I really believed her report would be quite personal, and reflect the 'personal/caring family environment' befitting of an ofsted outstanding school. I was really shocked and upset when I received it. My friend showed me her dd's report and only the names /grades were changed, really sad.

iklboo · 08/07/2011 18:01

Just got DS's first ever school report. We're pleased with the score & 'personal' comments from the teacher, but the rest make him sound like they've been observing a laboratory chimp 'X is curious about & manipulates objects'.

ChristinedePizan · 08/07/2011 18:04

I only ever post funny/silly things that DS has done on facebook for two reasons: 1) no one is interested apart from me and my parents and 2) my sister's DS has SN and one of my friend's DD is severely disabled. So I'm fairly sure they wouldn't appreciate me telling them that DS is top of the class, terribly popular and well-liked etc. Wee bit insensitive.

It's boasting. And boasting is never attractive, even if it's boasting about your own kids

PiousPrat · 08/07/2011 18:04

At least they bothered to change the names. DS2's report came home today, a computer generated jobbie and I now have to book an appointment with the dr for split personality disorder, since he has apparently been using his own name in Maths, his brothers name in English and calling himself Amanda in History.

Or, y'know, someone forgot to change the settings and his name when typing, which makes me wonder if it is even his report at all Hmm

GwendolineMaryLacey · 08/07/2011 18:08

Nothing is wrong with it. It just seems like mumsnetters are a rare breed who have Facebook friends that they can't stand. Therefore every single thing that those friends write pisses them off. Most normal people are quite happy to exchange pleasantries with their Facebook friends. Don't let this lot kid you into thinking they're representative of all Facebook users.

JanMorrow · 08/07/2011 18:09

"xx rolled over this morning!"

Yawn

"xx pooed in the potty for the first time today!"

Yawn

"xx can count to 10! I'm so proud."

Yawn.

etc etc.. all paraphrased versions of real status updates from the same person and I could go on and on and on and on..

MorticiaAddams · 08/07/2011 18:23

In all honesty reading that would make me feel sick. My kids get overall nice comments and good reports but I rarely put it on facebook and if I do it's just to say I'm proud of their reports, no details.

BimboNo5 · 08/07/2011 18:27

I think people seriously read too much into what school reports say. My DD is 6 and her Dad was gushing how amazing her report was and he proud he is, her headteacher says she should be proud of herself etc etc. They are 6 year old kids, no teacher is going to write 'this child is rubbish at everything they try, an annoying little tell tale and nobody plays with them in the playground because they are so odious'
The way some of my FB peers are harping on anyone would think their child had got an academic excellence award from Oxford

mrsbiscuits · 08/07/2011 18:54

Yep we've had a round of nauseating self congratulatory bollox post report day but I just ignore it. I have friends who feel the need to post every single achievment no matter how minor on FB and IMO it's usually people who need the ego boost that results from lots of comments patting them on the back and telling them what a wonderful little boy/girl they have and how what amazing parents they are. (puts fingers down throat.) I don't mean to offend anyone but to me it just smacks of a desperate need for approval and yes I have over the months gradually hidden their updates from my newsfeed Wink

moominmarvellous · 08/07/2011 19:02

I think people post this stuff for an instant reaction because they're proud and happy about something.

I was about to post something about DS last week and stopped and questioned why I was going to do it and it was basically because all my friends are at work and I wanted someone to be all excited with me right then, rather than telling them or DH at 6 when they get home and the moment had passed.

Some things are mundane but others come across as 'my child is better than yours'. A friend of mine reported about all three of her children being assessed as gifted and talented....I could have sworn I saw a tumble weed blow across her FB page! [hgrin]

MadYoungCatLady · 08/07/2011 19:08

I thought this was the point of FB - to tell your friends what is happening with you? If your friends aren't interested in what makes you happy and proud, delete delete delete.

CrapolaDeVille · 08/07/2011 19:10

Proud is good, but must be tempered with Englishness!!, so humility.

DC1 Got all As on report, for effort and attainment....God knows where she got that brain from!!

DC2 Just won a prize at speech day, so proud as she worked very hard, shame she can't keep her room tidy!

bibbitybobbityhat · 08/07/2011 19:51

I disagree with MadYoungCatLady.

If it is very important for you to pass on special things that are happening for you, then tell the people who you think will actually be interested (in real, actual words, mebbe on the phone, or even in an email) rather than blasting all 100+ friends you have on facebook in a scattergun approach.

Because no matter how popular you are, and no matter how wonderful your child is, most people on your facebook friends list are not really bothered.

I think we all need to broadcast less about ourselves, and become more intimate.

But then I secretly loathe facebook and only have 20 something friends on it myself Grin.

debivamp · 09/07/2011 04:04

Do feel that I have to jump in now?.. Personally I don?t make posts on FB regarding my DD?s reports, however, she competitively Irish dances at open competitions around the UK ? she is 6 years old. I don?t have loads of so called friends on FB most are either good ex school friends, friends through Irish dancing, close friends (mum?s etc.) and our family either over in Ireland and across the UK. So yes I post her results (especially when she wins trophies) and photo?s. Always get positive comments. Some friend post each night when they are going to bed?? so I don?t think proud Feis mum posts are a problem. At a recent assembly at her school the head brought her up on stage and showed the whole school the big cup that she had just won ? even her school are proud of her??

TartyMcFarty · 09/07/2011 07:31

I think that status was vomitous.

As a teacher, I would be making an issue of c&p reports. I think a generic statement about what's been covered is fine, as are odd c&p phrases relevant to more than one student, adapted as appropriate. But wholesale impersonal reporting is out of order imo.

sweetness86 · 09/07/2011 07:47

Yes I saw one yesterday

'My daughters school report OUTSTANDING , just shows what a great parent I am Im so proud'
Her daughter is six its cringeworthy just bragging to the world and looking for approval no one likes braggers!

hairylights · 09/07/2011 08:10

The detail makes I sound gloaty. I don't care about the details of other people's children's reports.

Several of my friends have put "well done kids on your lovely reports". I think that's about the right tone.

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 09/07/2011 08:12

Good lord, some of you lot are negative miserable women aren't you? Can you not stand for other people to be happy, proud etc? That's why my FB friends list was trimmed to 70 people last year. Why on earth share your life with a bunch of miserable moany people who aren't interested in your life unless it's to gossip & bitch about.
As for the 'teachers' among you who say thats awful to write such things, actually it's probably quite inspiring, especially for an older child. DD1 (16) has had similar comments from a few teachers and her form tutor. It reaffirms that what she is doing academically and pastorally at school is valued and appreciated. Maybe you should try to reward and inspire some of your pupils?

lovesicecream · 09/07/2011 08:42

I don't see the problem, if you don't like/ arnt interested in the status don't read it!

HengshanRoad · 09/07/2011 08:50

It's the bragging and boastfulness that sticks in the craw, I think. And it's vicarious too - reflected "glory".

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