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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

would you ask your DP's permission to give someone a lift?

49 replies

Hatesponge · 07/07/2011 21:13

Am one of the social committee at work, event next weekend involving most staff.

Contacted today by Person A, who has found out they can't get a train home as planned due to engineering works...bus alternative will take several hours. When A told me where they lived I realised it was in the same small town as B, another colleague. B's DP is giving B a lift home.

Explained A's situation to B and said could they offer A a lift - A is very amenable and said they'd be 'really grateful for a lift, no need to drop me at my door, just anywhere convenient in our town'

Response from B was 'Oh that's fine with me, but I can't agree to it til I've checked with DP if it's ok, as DP is particular about who they let in our car'

I was like this

Honestly, is this normal? Would other people do this? I know when I was with my Ex it would honestly never have occurred to me to ask if it was ok with him to give someone a lift, nor vice versa. It just seemed so odd....

OP posts:

TrinIsASadSpottyFatRhino · 07/07/2011 21:14

she's mad, I'm with you

AliceTwirled · 07/07/2011 21:15

Nope I frequently appear with random people who need lifts vaguely on our way when my husband collects me from places.

mumblebum · 07/07/2011 21:15

Odd.

craftynclothy · 07/07/2011 21:16

No, wouldn't have occurred to me either. If it was a nearby town and a little out of the way iykwim then I'd ask out of politeness but I'm sure he'd say yes. In the same town I wouldn't even bother asking.

squeakytoy · 07/07/2011 21:16

Very odd...

buttonmoon78 · 07/07/2011 21:16

Um, no not normal at all. Does this person shed dirt? Are they at all suspicious? Is B not an adult and therefore able to make their own decisions?

All v odd. If I'd been A I'd have been and more than a little offended.

And if the answer came back as a yes I'd have been tempted to tell B to stuff it.

andthisisme · 07/07/2011 21:18

That's not normal. Would I fuck ask "permission". Strange world some people live in.

DoMeDon · 07/07/2011 21:19

Odd - and controlling

andthisisme · 07/07/2011 21:20

I wonder what the criteria for "permission to enter the vehicle" is??

AuntiePickleBottom · 07/07/2011 21:21

i would ask dh first, not that i need his permission, but it's the polite thing to do.

TheDetective · 07/07/2011 21:22

My DF would always ask me, but out of politeness, not for permission? Maybe that is what she meant??

QueenOfFeckingEverything · 07/07/2011 21:23

That's utterly mad.

And no, I would never ask for 'permission' from DP to give someone a lift. Apart from anything else its my damn car!

greenplastictrees · 07/07/2011 21:27

I wouldn't ask permission as such but if DP was giving me a lift home after a work event I would ask if he minds giving the other person a lift. He'd always say yes but would seem rude to assume when he's going out of his way to pick me up.

Talker2010 · 07/07/2011 21:30

I would certainly ask ... very rude not to ... if my husband was coming to pick me up

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 07/07/2011 21:33

It is genereally courteous to ask the driver if s/he minds an additional passenger but the way B worded it sounds odd. Is this something to do with gender as in A is the opposite gender to B so what B means is that B's DP is a deranged monogamist who will not allow additional people into the car in case they start having sex with B during the journey.

bibbitybobbityhat · 07/07/2011 21:36

Not normal.

I never ask my dh's permission to do anything.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 07/07/2011 21:38

I bet it's an excuse.

I do it all the time.

I'll just have to check with my husband I don't want to, but I am being a cowardly custard and I'm going to come back and say Husband Says No, so that he's the bad guy not me

So my money is on her not wanting to give a lift.

lurkerspeaks · 07/07/2011 21:39

Hmmm.

It isn't her giving the lift though is it. I would never ask DP if I could give a lift to someone in my/our car if I was driving.

However, equally I would never presume that they would give a lift to one of my friends without checking. For all you know he may have planned something after the night out (trip to posh hotel) or before (car full of DIY supplies so no room for passenger).

In fact I think it is a bit rude to presume.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 07/07/2011 21:46

She doesn't have to be the one driving to be the one to not want to give a lift, iyswim.

I'm still putting my money on it being her that doesn't want A to have a lift. It makes more sense that she doesn't want A to get a lift home for some reason than her husband is 'particular about who he lets in the car'.

Insane jealousy, for example, would make more sense than a person having criteria about who was suitable to sit in their car.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 07/07/2011 21:48

To finish that if she'd just said that she's sure it would be fine, but she'll just check with her husband, in case they were not going straight home or something - that would be a 'normal' thing to say. To say that her husband has some sort of acceptance criteria when it comes to getting into his car makes no sense (unless he is insane). And if something makes no sense, that's normally because it isn't true.

AuntiePickleBottom · 07/07/2011 22:12

see my dh will only give a lift if the car is clean on the inside, other wise he gets very car proud...i think it is the same when i have visitor i like the house clean and tidy ( i would die of embarrisment if he bought one of his work friends over and the house was a mess)

that the main reason i always give him notice

AnyFucker · 07/07/2011 22:15

would I fuck

bellavita · 07/07/2011 22:18

I would have offered A a lift and then said to DH, we have an extra passenger on the way back from x, you don't mind do you... He would then roll his eyes at me and say "would I get a choice to mind or not"? And I would just say nope, no choice and that would be it.

M0naLisa · 07/07/2011 22:21

auntiePicklebottom
i agree, i would ask, not that i needed to, but just to be polite and let them know.

LolaRennt · 07/07/2011 22:21

I assumed you meant a stranger off the side of the road or something. I guess in fairness she is being polite to ask the person picking her up to take someone else, the fact that its her partner doesn't mean she should take advantage.

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