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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to keep friends horrible little boy away from mine?

39 replies

AandK · 05/07/2011 22:02

A friend of mine has 2 ds's one is a lovely little boy always polite and helpful and plays lovely with my ds. However her other ds is what I would descibe as a little horror!!!!

He's rude impolite and back chats me when I reprehand him when he is in my home!!!

The thing is his parents don't seem to really be aware how bad he is. His mum just laughs off anything you tell her and after speaking to other fellow mums she argues if they try to say how bad he is.

Also the other week they went out and just bought him a nintendo wii!! No reason, no birthday or anything and I know he'd been naughty that very same day. Then another day he was throwing balls at another child but when that child through one back it hurt him so the other chiold was in the wrong.

It has now got to the point where I don't want him playing with my ds.
How do I do that without falling out with my friend?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 05/07/2011 22:05

Age please

Original poster
AandK · 05/07/2011 22:07

My ds is 9 horror is 8 and lovely is 6

OP posts:
RidinOnAPig · 05/07/2011 22:08

Wow. You sound like a lovely friend.

If you're genuinely concerned about her sons behaviour and this woman really is a friend, then talk to her about it. If you cared about her and her family you'd let her know there are a few things you've seen which aren't on. If you don't want to seem like you're getting too involved in her business then just talk about things he's done when you've been looking after him. IMO that's well within your right.

But judging by you talking about it to other mums, speculating about gifts she buys him and calling her son a little horror, why don't you just bitch about it on MN so we can all gawp at her bad parenting and what a horrible son she has?

worraliberty · 05/07/2011 22:09

It's going to be difficult.

Do they have many seperate friends or do they go to the same school?

Original poster
AandK · 05/07/2011 22:19

RidinOnAPig Yes I am bitching on mumsnet isn't that what its for? having a vent when something gets on your nerves? I have tried telling her things he's done as I said in my first post she just says ok and if I told her every time I'd tell her something nearly every day!!!!

worralibertyMy ds does have other friends that he can play with but that means he has to leave the street and sometimes he likes to play with the 6 year old.

They are in the same class as its a small village school so there are 2 years per class ie years 3&4 are in the same class.

Sorry forgot to mention friend and I live on the same street

OP posts:
Original poster
AandK · 05/07/2011 22:22

Also I am trying to keep the problems with the children seperate from our friendship.

OP posts:
RidinOnAPig · 05/07/2011 22:25

Yes mumsnet can be for bitching, but the way you spoke about your 'friend' doesn't really add up to her being...well, a friend.

I'm just confused as to whether you actually wanted advice on the situation or to have a rant.

Original poster
AandK · 05/07/2011 22:32

both I do want advice and I wanted to rant.

and yes she is a friend not a close one but we get on well and I wouldn't want problems with children to change that

OP posts:
Omigawd · 06/07/2011 01:39

Are their other kids nearby - we had a similar situation but could dilute it with other kids. If not you may have to just be around less often. Also didn't allow rudeness in our house at all as then your own kids think they can do it.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 06/07/2011 01:43

What you are describing is not actually that horrible. I thought this was going to be a thread about a child who is repeatedly violent and spiteful, not just rude. People's perceptions of rudeness vary a fair bit, some people might consider this child assertive! Maybe his parents do. I think you should get over it TBH, teach your own DC what you regard as acceptable manners, but accept that your friend may have different views.

howabout · 06/07/2011 04:14

How does your ds feel about the other boy? If they are at school together and you live in the same street then I think it would be very hard to get between them if they are good friends and since you like the mother I don't think this is what you would want long term.
I would second explaining what you think is acceptable to your DC and even to the other boy if he is addressing you directly.
I also tend to differentiate between trying to stay out of things when DC are out playing, when I seek to leave them all to it, and when their friends are my guests, in which case my rules apply or they go home (have even been known to send friends home because my own DC are not behaving).
I think it would do no harm to find yourselves unavoidably busy for a while to gain a bit of perspective and to prevent you getting increasingly wound up by your friend's reactions to her son's behaviour - she may even take the hint that her son is not top of the popularity list at the moment.

Original poster
AandK · 06/07/2011 13:13

Omigawd thank you for seeing it from my piont of view yes I do sometimes get my ds to play with other children but the problem is he likes playing with the younger boy who I say is lovely but then obviously the other boy wants to play too and thats when the problems start my ds doesn't like playing with the older because he can be bossy and if he doesn't get his way then he can be violent which upsets my ds.
SpringchickenGoldBrass
I haven't mentioned every situation but yes the child can be violent if the other 2 don't do what he wants.
howabout yes we kept ourselves busy last weekend to avoid them maybe this is the way I'll just have to go about it from now on Xx

OP posts:
Omigawd · 06/07/2011 13:36

@A&K that was exactly the situation - it is easier at our house as you can enforce control on violence and send the disruptive kid home. Much harder elsewhere, little brother has to complain to his mum and your child support him.

Apart from that, you have to go to friends elsewhere.

Part of this is good old "learning to deal with difficult people", but one should only have so much of that, life is too short.

Scholes34 · 06/07/2011 13:41

Sounds like Horrid Henry and Perfect Peter.

Omigawd · 06/07/2011 13:43

@Scholes we more had Normal Nev and Violent Vinnie :D

donnie · 06/07/2011 13:44

"horror is 8 and lovely is 6"

nice.

Original poster
AandK · 06/07/2011 13:54

@Omigawd yes it is more Normal Nev and Violent Vinnie.

It's like watching an episode of supernanny in real life sometimes especially when he's violent yes I do send him home but now I'm at the point where I never want him here if it was any other child it would be easy but because its a friend child thats why I find it difficult.

OP posts:
GilbonzoTheSecretPsychoDuck · 06/07/2011 14:00

Why can't a child be called a horror? I know one kid who sounds very like this child the op is describing and in all honesty, he has no visible (to me) redeeming qualities. So he's a horror.

thesunshinesbrightly · 06/07/2011 14:07

Can't stand kid's like that don't care how old he is... your going to have to keep your child away make excuses.
The mum isn't going to listen not surprised the child acts that way if the mum blanks his behaviour.

Keep away and avoid.

HerHissyness · 06/07/2011 14:08

No, if he backchats you repeatedly in your own home, don't invite him again.

IF it becomes an issue, you kind of have to tell the mother that he is rude to you and you are not going to accept it in your house. Tell her when he knows how to behave in other people's houses, he'll be welcomed with open arms, but not until then.

DS had a friend round who was rude to me, rude to DS, moaned, tried to interfere and cause problems, he'll not be coming back, ever.

Original poster
AandK · 06/07/2011 14:12

Hooray all the sane people have started to answer

GilbonzoTheSecretPsychoDuck I love you!!! Grin Xx

OP posts:
FranSanDisco · 06/07/2011 14:12

What's wrong with calling a horrible child a horror? There is a horror aged 10 yo living up the road here - tried to get his teacher sacked by circulating a petition, calls his Grandad an embarrassment when he comes to collect him, is generally rude, loud, boastful, greedy and a user. He's a HORROR!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 06/07/2011 14:21

Tell the child that if he doesn't play nicely he won't be coming back. And then tell his parents the same thing. All the stuff about Nintendos etc. is irrelevant.

Original poster
AandK · 06/07/2011 14:23

Maybe it is but I wanted to show that they seem to feed his bad behaviour maybe I should have been clear about that sorry

OP posts:
misty0 · 06/07/2011 14:44

Tricky, i sympathise. Plus theres nothing wrong with disliking certain children! And admitting it. Its how we, as adults, choose to deal with it that matters. Sheesh.

Would it be really awkward to only invite the younger son round for play dates? Not all siblings go together to play at friends houses. Perhaps the excuse could be that your DS and her youngest get on so well they like to play just the 2 of them. Horror is being left out ...... ?

Cowardly i know.

Try to see your friend mainly in the evenings for adult time when kids are in bed/left at home?

All i can think of at the mo Smile good luck.