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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to keep friends horrible little boy away from mine?

39 replies

AandK · 05/07/2011 22:02

A friend of mine has 2 ds's one is a lovely little boy always polite and helpful and plays lovely with my ds. However her other ds is what I would descibe as a little horror!!!!

He's rude impolite and back chats me when I reprehand him when he is in my home!!!

The thing is his parents don't seem to really be aware how bad he is. His mum just laughs off anything you tell her and after speaking to other fellow mums she argues if they try to say how bad he is.

Also the other week they went out and just bought him a nintendo wii!! No reason, no birthday or anything and I know he'd been naughty that very same day. Then another day he was throwing balls at another child but when that child through one back it hurt him so the other chiold was in the wrong.

It has now got to the point where I don't want him playing with my ds.
How do I do that without falling out with my friend?

OP posts:

oohjarWhatsit · 06/07/2011 14:50

the funny thing is, the horrible kids never ever belong to anyone who accesses internet forums do they

surfandturf · 06/07/2011 15:02

I sympathise with you. I have a group of 'mum' friends and all our children play together. They are all aged between 4 and 6 and a good mix of boys and girls. One of the boys is very violent towards the other children and more often than not it isn't provoked - I won't go into details but in my book he's a 'horror'. My DS has been in tears saying he doesn't want to play with this boy again but he is part of our whole family's social circle. Tried to speaking to his mum about his behaviour and she will not accept it. Through her rose coloured spectacles it was always an 'accident' and 'he didn't mean to hurt X'. We have had occasions when they haven't been able to join the group for get-togethers and it is so much more relaxed. It's a very difficult situation as I'm sure she'd be be upset and offended if we started to exclude her from things because of her son (especially becuase she thinks he's wonderful!)

GilbonzoTheSecretPsychoDuck · 06/07/2011 15:58

And I love you too AandK

Original poster

AandK · 06/07/2011 17:30

misty0 That is one of the difficulties. I have now persuaded ds not to have a birthday party and we'll go to a theme park instead because I knew he wouldn't want to invite the horror but then if he only invited the other that would cause difficulties. Xx

OP posts:

MissMap · 06/07/2011 18:42

Quote "All the stuff about Nintendos etc. is irrelevant."

Hardly, Cogito. If his bad behaviour is not checked, and even rewarded on occasions one can only expect problems.

The information was relevant.

Original poster

AandK · 06/07/2011 20:37

And another sane person thank you all Xx

OP posts:

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 07/07/2011 01:40

OK, so address the violence. Tell your friend that you are not going to accept her DS hitting your DC and that if he does it on visits, you will send him home.
You didn't mention the violence at all in your initial post, so it's understandable that some people might have thought you were being precious about a child who is more assertive than yours.

Original poster

AandK · 07/07/2011 09:53

As I have already said I do send him home but I have had enough of just sending him home I am at the point that I no longer want him here just because I always send him home!!!

And I don't think I'm being precious about a child that is rude and disrespectful to adults it is being a horror before it has even got to the violence!!!

OP posts:

TeeBee · 07/07/2011 12:17

Can you meet up with mum separately during the day so you still see her, and then just invite (lovely) little one over to play with yours? Lots of cooing about isn't it lovely how they get on even with age gap, nice for them to spend time together, etc, etc. Then you are not in the wrong.

CrapolaDeVille · 07/07/2011 12:21

You can't tell a mother that her son is vile, just avoid her....alwasy be busy but make time for her w/o dcs.

CrapolaDeVille · 07/07/2011 12:23

And I don't think there's anything wrong with inviting one and not the other, then if the mother asks you can tell her.

I have stopped one child from coming to our house from age 7, he shouted at my younger dcs, hit my dc that was his friend, and climbed on my furniture. He got two chances.

CrapolaDeVille · 07/07/2011 12:24

When he comes to the door I would tell him that he's not welcome to come in because he doesn't respect your rules or your children.

Original poster

AandK · 07/07/2011 12:26

TeeBee That is a good idea I'll try that we're meeting up tomorrow and going out together on saturday night.

OP posts:

Original poster

AandK · 10/07/2011 10:53

Just to update you all. We had the chat, she doesn't agree that her eldest can be too bossy and aggressive so I just said we'll have to agree to disagree and he isn't allowed to my home anymore. Yes I think the friendship has suffered but as I aid we were not that close so its no great loss

OP posts:

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