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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up with 2nd timers banging on about their super quick, amazing births?

45 replies

Beegey · 05/07/2011 21:48

My DC2 was born in three hours. It was quick but horrendously painful with no time for an epi. I got a 3 degree tear so having just laboured with g&a, was wheeled off to theatre for a spinal, which they failed to put in the correct place several times. The whole thing was awful and left me feeling pretty stunned. My ds of course is a peach and totally worth every hideous second.

However, I have noticed that lots of second time mums keep banging on about how totally different the experience is second time around, how lucky they are to have a quick birth etc.

So aibu to be hacked off that people assume I am really lucky to have had a quick birth?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 05/07/2011 21:51

I don't know.

All 3 of mine were born in 20/22 minutes with no labour

A few said I was lucky and I totally agree!

michglas · 05/07/2011 21:52

everyone i have known who have had quick births have needed stitches, so i have never been jealous of them. DD1 was 10 hours, and DD2 was 17 hours. DD2's was sheer excruciating hell, as she was back to back and they left me 14 hours before giving me an epidural. However, i still count myself very lucky that I did not tear with either of them so give me a slow birth any day.

Macaroona · 05/07/2011 21:53

Worra Shock

Did they just crawl out?

Happymm · 05/07/2011 21:53

No idea! 2x crash sections, and one planned-that one was lovely!:o

DogsBestFriend · 05/07/2011 21:54

Definitely not!

I had a very similar experience with DC1. She was born within about 1 hour 40 mins of established labour BUT I had no time for pain relief, she was delivered via ventouse, got the cord wrapped around her neck and we both nearly died.

But according to the idiots, I was lucky to have a fast birth. Hmm

DD2's birth was a delight... an elective section, I was awake and it was serene and virtually pain free thanks to the wonders of modern medicine.

biddysmama · 05/07/2011 21:55

my 1st was 6 hours,2nd was 4hours and 3rd was 15 mins.. Grin

BornThisWayBaby · 05/07/2011 21:55

YANBU - My second birth was long and painful after being told how quick and easy second labours are Hmm

When my mum had me (2nd birth) they broke her waters and she had me within 30 mins , she said it was the worst/most painful birth as she went from having mild contractions to the big daddy bastards within 5 mins she was in shock afterwards.

BornThisWayBaby · 05/07/2011 21:55

YANBU - My second birth was long and painful after being told how quick and easy second labours are Hmm

When my mum had me (2nd birth) they broke her waters and she had me within 30 mins , she said it was the worst/most painful birth as she went from having mild contractions to the big daddy bastards within 5 mins she was in shock afterwards.

quimbledonsemi · 05/07/2011 21:57

My second labour is recorded as shorter than my first (13hrs) because my waters broke before I felt any contractions with dc1. The second labour was far worse through because it was contractions from the off and I was refused an epidural. Tore with both so no difference there. I'm just happy I had an average labour/birth. Not so quick as worral but not in labour for days followed by emergency cs and loads of complications after like some people have.

MollysChamber · 05/07/2011 21:59

Well I guess we're damned if we do, damned if we don't then.

I could tell you about DD1 and DD3 - both back to back, long long hideously painful labours, epidural, ventouse/forceps respectively, stitches.

Or DD2. Less than 3 hours, gas and air, no stitches. All in all a very positive experience.

Maybe you should just tell them to go for a third. Grin

wasabipeanut · 05/07/2011 21:59

YAB a bit U. Is anyone really banging on?? Do they assume your experience was the same as theirs? I'm sorry that your experience wasn't as you would have liked it to be. My DS's birth was the classic "failed induction, emergency cs" and left me traumatised to the extent that I only came to terms with it with a course of hypnotherapy 18 months later after a miscarriage.

I say that my second birth was fast compared to the first and yes, compared to an 18 hour failed labour it did feel pretty amazing afterwards. Sorry if that upsets anyone else.

M0rgana · 05/07/2011 21:59

Blimey - I'm pregnant with No. 2 now and the thought of a quick birth scares the hell out of me.

Baby 1 was 10 hours - they refused me an epidural three times (I'm not one of those mothers to boast about no pain relief, I'm afraid - not ashamed to say I was desperate for it!) so to think of it being a no-no again because "you'll have a baby before it kicks in" is not a pretty one!

DrCoconut · 05/07/2011 22:03

My second birth was more difficult than my first although much quicker. DS2 got stuck coming round the bend and had to be ventoused out, complete with mega episiotomy, manual placenta removal and icky stitches. :)

MassagesDeclinedByNetmums · 05/07/2011 22:07

I agree that YANBU to be annoyed that people think quick=easy. Mine was quick too (3 hours too) and though not quite as bad as yours, my blood pressure shot up, DS got distressed, and had to be ventoused out VERY quickly, also with only g&a. I had an episiostomy and quite a few stitches and I'm now left with a possible rectocele :(

I'm seriously worried that when I have DC2 I wont make it to hospital. Which doesnt bode well with the blood pressure/distress situation :(

TheSecondComing · 05/07/2011 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trixymalixy · 05/07/2011 22:16

I was gutted to find that it wasn't always the case that second births are quicker and easier. DS's was fine, so I was not expecting labour with DD to go on and on and on and on and on. God I was exhausted by the end of it!

Cutelittlecatlover · 05/07/2011 22:35

Yanbu, I only have one dc and had a 3 hour labour that was the most horiffic scary intensely painful experience of my life. It drives me crazy when people tell me I'm lucky and joke that dc2 will be even quicker. I'm not saying I'd want a really long labour but time to get used to the idea of being in labour and get to hospital before needing to push would be lovely!

duchesse · 05/07/2011 22:44

My second labour lasted 21 hours. Which admittedly was an improvement on the first (39 hours), but still- not easy by any stretch . Third one was quick (4.5 hours). Fourth was non-existent as had a CS without ever going into labour.

Original poster
Beegey · 05/07/2011 22:45

Thanks for your replies. I have decided upon reflection that I am being a little unreasonable and had stupidly got myself a bit upset by reading that thread about the worst bit of giving birth. Brings back memories I would rather forget.

I think the people I have been speaking to are just wanting to show off about how buggary wonderful their lives are. I hate people like that.

I certainly didn't have the worst birthing experience ever, and I have my healthy and lovely ds

MessagesDeclined - that sounds stressful, I am sorry to hear about the rectocile. Are you having a section next time?

DrCoconut - your ds2's birth sounds v similar to my dd1 - that manual removal stuff is horrid isn't it. All that rummaging when you are knackered and just want a cuddle with your nb and a cup of tea.

OP posts:
lady007pink · 05/07/2011 22:45

Like Happymm, I've had all sections so I can't comment on OP. But mine were all lovely quick births, and quick recovery time. Only painful part was not being insured to drive for 6 weeks [mad]

lady007pink · 05/07/2011 22:46

Oops, meant to put Angry at the end of last post...

VelveteenRabbit · 05/07/2011 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Beegey · 05/07/2011 23:49

Jeez Velveteen, sorry to hear about 2nd, sounds a shocker.

I do intend on trying for a 3rd but will probably push for a section next time.

OP posts:
catwoman2011 · 05/07/2011 23:59

I am not telling a story about my first, it still makes me cry and my daughter is turning 3 on Monday. I nearly lost her due to what they did to her during birth. Labour was 14 hours from waters breaking butcontractions didnt start for a few hours after that. It took me over 2 years to get over the physical damage.

My second was weird, I was induced which came as a shock because I'd been set on having a cs and then changed it to an epi - didn't have either in the end. Started induction at 11pm, cx started at 11.30, felt them at 5am and had him at 7am. Labour was officially 2 hours.

What really shocked me was how unnatural the first one was, I went home with a newborn baby for one, instead of a 6 day old. Also, I prepared for the aftermath that was the first and it was a bit of an anticlimax which I was really grateful for.

We are going for our third soon and can't wait for that one.

I have friends who will never have a second baby due to their first births going wrong. I boast that my second was amazing compared to the first
but only because I just can't believe how opposite they were.

milkybarkidsgirlfriend · 06/07/2011 00:00

Mine were all 9 hours, 9lb + babies ...... dh reckons I made a right meal out of it!!!

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