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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to buy a 2008 car when hubby says he is going to leave me if i do it

43 replies

barbsb · 05/07/2011 14:12

me: earns more cash, 40 k pay increase in 12 mths, , pay 60% of bills in house, no car

Him:slightly less cash, no pay increase on horizon, has crap car with 100,000 miles on it

So i want to buy this car, we had a chat, he says no , i say im going to but it anyway , I have a 2 and a half hour roundtrip daily commute starting next week and quite frankly dont want to drive his hunk a junk

So he is leaving me , AIBU , be honest kids I can take it

OP posts:
scuzy · 05/07/2011 14:16

he is going to leave you if you buy a car?? seriously??? says alot about the relationship! obviously very insecure about his partner earning more than him. how mature of him ... going to leave his family over this???!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 05/07/2011 14:16

Oh dear...tell him to grow up!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 05/07/2011 14:18

...but then thinking about it - if I had a 40k payrise I would treat both DH and I to a new car!

VelveteenRabbit · 05/07/2011 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fedupofnamechanging · 05/07/2011 14:21

How do you normally organise your finances? Do you keep things separate or does it all go into one joint account? If separate then I 'd say it is up to you. If joint, then large purchases should be agreed. Am very concerned that he would threaten this though, so it is about him feeling he has control and that you will listen to him. Is his car reliable? If you use it how will he get to work?

Tbh, a 2 and a half hour trip is a long time to spend travelling and you do need a reliable car. You won't be able to hold down a good job if you are seen as unreliable because you have lots of car trouble. I think a 2008 car is a good compromise - not brand new, but also new enough to be more reliable.

I think in the end, I would buy the car.

PomBearEnvy · 05/07/2011 14:22

40k pay increase in 12 months? Shock
That was a typo non?

AuntiePickleBottom · 05/07/2011 14:24

i would buy the car

AuntiePickleBottom · 05/07/2011 14:24

i would buy the car

scuzy · 05/07/2011 14:26

think the OP should change title to "AIBU to tell DH to F**K OFF after threatening to leave me if i buy a car"!

suzikettles · 05/07/2011 14:26

If dh wanted to buy a car, I said no and then he said "I'm going to buy it anyway" then I'd be pretty pissed off.

You've got lots of good reasons for buying the car: your car at the moment is old and, you say, unreliable and you have a big commute (where does the "his car" come from - surely it's your family car if you only have one?).

However, I don't think you being the higher earner means that you can just go out and spend what you like.

He's being a twat saying he'd leave over it though.

Renaissance227 · 05/07/2011 14:28

Do you keep your finances sep?
I would buy me and my DP another car if I was earning what you are!
I can understand how he is feeling but it is a bit of an OTT reaction.

clam · 05/07/2011 14:31

Come on, what's it about really?

MorticiaAddams · 05/07/2011 14:34

YANBU. You need a reliable car for that commute and his would be run into the ground in no time.

What are his reasons for not wanting a new car?

Malificence · 05/07/2011 14:36

This is either a wind up or there has to be more to it than that.

My DH does a similar commute, 40 miles each way, it's pretty much essential for him to have a decent, reliable car , so he has the nice shiny car.
I do under 10 miles a day so I have the 52 reg with 150k on the clock.

You need a decent car, end of. Just what is his problem?

Lizcat · 05/07/2011 14:37

It sounds there are much deeper problems than this one car.

Original poster
barbsb · 05/07/2011 14:37

no its not a typo, sad thing is i dont know what this is about , im shocked ! we do have a bit of debt though. i owe 22 k in student loans, he owes 10 k

OP posts:
purplepidjin · 05/07/2011 14:38

What a shallow self-obsessed thing to do.

YANBU in the slightest! What does he want, a penis extension Ferrari?!

AmazingBouncingFerret · 05/07/2011 14:44

Let me get this straight... he is saying he wont allow you to buy yourself a car. Hmm

You need a car for a new job I presume? How the hell does he expect you to get to work?
He is saying he'll leave if you buy yourself a car?? I've heard it all now... We've got similarish debts a DH practically forced me to learn to drive and buy a car.

beebe · 05/07/2011 14:45

what are his reasons? why was it even a question? you need it, you are paying for it, you decide.
He surely cant just say I will leave you if you buy a car there's other factors; mention.

howabout · 05/07/2011 14:50

Buy the car and then see what he does. That's what the average DH in your position would do.

valiumredhead · 05/07/2011 15:24

Is he making a point as you aren't paying off your debts first?

Adagoo · 05/07/2011 15:26

Why haven't you paid the debts if you've had such a huge increase in income? Are you spending shitloads of money elsewhere?

Why is he saying no to the car?

valiumredhead · 05/07/2011 15:28
eurochick · 05/07/2011 15:37

This thread makes no sense.

badlydrawn · 05/07/2011 15:42

YANBU. It sounds as if you have a legit reason for needing a new car. What you haven't stated is how much is this new car and how you are planning on paying for it. This maybe the crux of it. If you were planning on spending £30K on a car then I feel he may have a point with your existing level of debt and could be worried about finances, however £8K on a 3 yr old car wouldn't and shouldn't be a problem.