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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to want this teacher to apologise to my son.

507 replies

wfrances · 04/07/2011 21:37

ds age 12 takes a packed lunch to school,during 2nd lesson he notices drink has leaked in his bag {all of it}his lunch is ruined,and now has no drink.
he tells his teacher who says "i dont care, its not my problem, sit down."
im fuming, he didnt eat all day,no drink and what a wicked way to respond to a child.
phoned head of year straight away ,who totally agreed with my reaction.
but i think she should apologise to him-what do you think?

OP posts:
ThatVikRinA22 · 05/07/2011 23:14

here you go...you can download from here

happy reading. best get a copy though if youre a mum....you may need to either hit people with it or highlight bits and quote it at them

cricketballs · 05/07/2011 23:17

MY SON HAS A FULL STATEMENT! I do not need to read any documents.

Vicar; honestly it is parents such as yourself that give the rest of us a bad name!

TheFrogs · 05/07/2011 23:17

it's not special treatment fittodrop, its understanding that a particular child might just need a few more detailed instructions...a few more words...not difficult imo?

Nanny0gg · 05/07/2011 23:20

It wasn't minor to him.

ThatVikRinA22 · 05/07/2011 23:21

actually i challenge that as bollocks.

my son should have had a full statement. i really cannot be arsed to bore you with the massively long details, i have 3 files full of "details". he had 3 very complex diagnosis. and an LEA too fucking skint to meet his needs in any way shape or form.

if i had been half the person i am now i would have taken them to an SEN tribunal, and i know i would have won it. i had so many experts on my side but i let the school, the teachers, the lea, intimidate me into thinking the problem was mine.

i cannot say that the stress and mental anquish was worth the GCSEs. He got some fucking fanstastic GCSE results. thank god. or it would have all been for nothing but some fucked up mental health, stress and years of absolute hell.

TheLadyEvenstar · 05/07/2011 23:23

Thefrogs, I am with you on that one. I have no idea how to independently get a statement for DS1. His school are telling me because educationally he is fine (he has AS) then there is very little reason/chance of getting a statement.

I now have a meeting next Tuesday at 8.15 with 4 heads of departments to see what can be put in place for him.

My DS is in MS school and I know this is right for him, HOWEVER I do feel he needs to have some small allowances in place - nothing major that would make him stand out more than he already does but small things to assist him in HIS needs when needed.

As for the events the OP's DS has recalled, I am still wondering IF as the OP has stated her DS has issues with understanding language then did the teacher actually say things as he understood or did he misunderstand? I would say all of us with SN children know how easily they can misunderstand things.

fit2drop · 05/07/2011 23:23

The Frogs no not difficult, IF we can safely say it was exactly how the lad said.
OP has said her son has difficulties with language and communication, therefore his understanding or repeating of what exactly happened could be flawed.
OP has overreacted. Nothing wrong with wanting to protect your child, absolutely normal and without a doubt what mothers do best..
But OP is IMO definitly being very precious about her son....

ThatVikRinA22 · 05/07/2011 23:25

i rest my case.

so you have a statement. bully for you. excellent. you clearly have no idea how the rest of us manage who do not have such wonderful LEAs or who have no money.

i could have sued this LEA 10 x over. i wish to god i knew then what i know now.
There are literally hundreds of parents in the same boat as i was in. Why do you think agencies like IPSEA and ACE exist? to promote some narissistic parents? or parents with munchausens? get real. they exist because hundreds of parents are fobbed off by the system.

cricketballs · 05/07/2011 23:25

Vicar; I am sorry for your anguish but although you say that you have experts on your side; if the school (which has no financial bearing as they receive more money for a statement child), teachers (who normally are the first to demand a statement) and the LA (who are looking at the money Wink all say no statement is needed and your DC gainined GCSE's - was a statement really needed?

Ariesgirl · 05/07/2011 23:26

Is this thread a wind up OP?

cricketballs · 05/07/2011 23:29

just to add vicar; yes you say bully for me as my son has a full statement; but he is never going to achieve a GCSE grade in any subject at any time of his life.....

TheLadyEvenstar · 05/07/2011 23:30

Cricket, my DS's school have said they have no funding for statementing DS as his education is fine - I beg to differ he is being sent out of class and into another class to work in where there are 5 6th formers - he is 12.

He then cannot ask his teacher if he has a problem with the work as they are in the class with the other 30 pupils DS should be with.

TheFrogs · 05/07/2011 23:30

but why make assumptions fittodrop? my son has difficulties understanding what I say sometimes (it's forgotten two mins later), but he doesn't pull a phrase out of nowhere. You dont know op or her son, as I dont...we can only go by what we've been told here.

ThatVikRinA22 · 05/07/2011 23:31

I have a 33 page document, his diagnosis of aspergers, by professor Elizabeth Newson who states exactly exactly why a statement of SEN was needed.

really i cannot be arsed with people second guessing and questioning my integrity, my judgement, my ability to know right from wrong or my knowledge of my own childs diagnosis - all of them.

i truly had enough of this exact bollocks when he was in school.

This is what the OP of this post will be going through right now. and you - all of you who doubt and naysay - all add to it.

when i look back i just have absolutely no idea how we got through it.

i going now, save to say one last time to the OP of this thread - go to the special needs section of this site. support, help and advice are there. and some bloody fantastic, knowledgeable, dedicated people who can and will gladly guide you through this system.

ThatVikRinA22 · 05/07/2011 23:33

...and failing that do what a good friend on here did

get a fucking good solicitor and sue their arses.

TheLadyEvenstar · 05/07/2011 23:33

TheFrogs,

Do you not think it is possible that maybe the OP's son misunderstood the tone or the wording used? I know some teachers can be asses, I have had my fair share of runs ins with them over DS1. BUT by the same token I know ther have been times he has misunderstood what has been said.

TheFrogs · 05/07/2011 23:36

of course yes, my own ds can be a drama queen at times Grin but "it's not my problem, sit down" seems pretty clear to me.

ThatVikRinA22 · 05/07/2011 23:36

and we are back to square one cricketballs - so if they cant acheive a GCSE they have SEN and if they can they havent.

heard it all before.

yes my son was bright in an acedemic sense. ask him to iron a shirt? cook a meal? manage money? function in the world?

He should have had a statement. he can recite facts and figures till the cows come home. he cant boil an egg. he should have had a statement that fit his needs.
this is the bloody problem with this system. one size does not fit all.

cricketballs · 05/07/2011 23:37

TheLadyEvenstar - what reason is given for him to have been sent out of his lssons so often? As I have said previously. if a child has a statement the school receive extra funding as the LA fund the statement not the school

ThatVikRinA22 · 05/07/2011 23:39

and what happens when the LEA say "oh dear. we have no money. tough"

or worse - employ bent Ed Phsyches to fudge the figures. ours did that, really and truly. he got the sack, in the end. but how many kids suffered before that?

fit2drop · 05/07/2011 23:41

TheFrogs

Yes we can only go on what we are told on here , you are right.

OP is still overreacting by being heartbroken that her child was chastised at school
at the ned of the day thats what the thread started about.
All the other stuff about if or if not he should be statemented, senco, etc etc was never part of the AIBU query.

So back to topic

YES OP YABU.

TheLadyEvenstar · 05/07/2011 23:41

Cricket,

Its a vicious circle.
For example French - he struggles in this lesson - so he does silly things (playing with pens, reading his own books, tapping) - so he gets sent out - his grades go down - he doesn't get help - he gets sent to lesson and it all starts again.

This also happens in Art as he finds the noise level disruptive - so he gets sent to work with older pupils who are studying for exams - My concern? what will happen now they have finished studying? he will be sat in a class alone - who will ensure he does his work? not the teacher who is in another class with the rest of the pupils.

cricketballs · 05/07/2011 23:42

but the statement vicar is about educational needs a school is there to provide education (especially as OfSTED and the governement demand) on academic terms so if a child is academically fine then shouldn't the limited funds be directed to those who can not function acadamically?

needanewname · 05/07/2011 23:43

But it could have been the final thing that sent the op off the edge.

TheLadyEvenstar · 05/07/2011 23:44

Cricket BUT what about those who like DS1 are suffering educationally because of minor things they cannot cope with? Surely they should be entitled to a statement so that they can recieve the help they need?