aibu to want this teacher to apologise to my son.

[wfrances]

ds age 12 takes a packed lunch to school,during 2nd lesson he notices drink has leaked in his bag {all of it}his lunch is ruined,and now has no drink.
he tells his teacher who says "i dont care, its not my problem, sit down."
im fuming, he didnt eat all day,no drink and what a wicked way to respond to a child.
phoned head of year straight away ,who totally agreed with my reaction.
but i think she should apologise to him-what do you think?

Omigawd

1. getting a statement isnt easy, is the very short version. I know of people who have had to remortage their house in pursuit of a statment. They are not handed out like jelly tots.

1. My ds doesnt have a statement (although i have been fighting for 2 years to get one), but he does have very complex special needs.

1. Any child who is on the special needs register, teachers should be well informed about, with or without a statement.

1. The teacher did not have to take 10 minutes out, she could have dealt with it after class or sent him to the school office.

butterbar--we were told when he was 9 -to expect him to stay at home.hes very bright but hates interacting with people , will mostly speak only when spoken to,at the moment we are edging him towards pc programming or making games as he is a computer genius.hes good at this as he doesnt have to interact with people,weve tried people skills for years but he refuses to carry them out.

After class?
So what about the next class?

And if she should have said , " Go to the office after class" then surely to goodness a child who can't work that one out for themselves is really , REALLY gonna struggle in any mainstream setting?

And if her son has SN, why hasn't the OP equipped him with these basic skills?

Yunno, " Look son, if something goes wrong you go to the office/SENCO/HOY at the end of the lesson. You know where they are, don't you?".

"Parents who behaved like this, snitching to HOY, grumbling to other staff etc make a difficult job at times, almost impossible.

You phoned up to speak to her? Really, WTF do you think you are that you can phone up a member of staff and have a go?"

Blimey - what kind of culture do you come from?

So you're philosophy IS parents should shut up and put up then?

I've phoned to speak to staff before, though with specific questions as opposed to complaints I guess, and I've never come across a 'who do you think you are' attitude, I have to say.

Who gives a shit about the sandwiches?!! He shouldn;t have been spoken to like that. Yes the teacher could have been having a shit day, but she could also have handled a lot better.

Indigojohn, if only it was that simpy!

indigojohn- are you just making things up as you go along??
if she told him to go to see hoy he would have.thats what she was supposed to do.he follows instruction-hes not stupid
it was hoy who said" she should have brought him to me"

Yes but this could have been about anything, it apprears that this teacher was unaware of this childs needs, that is the bigger picture here.

I think there has been OTT reaction from many posters on here.

Erm, why didn't YOU make sure he always knows to go to the office /HOY etc?

My non SN kids have that drummed into them at home!

"My non SN kids have that drummed into them at home!"

"Drummed" the word - a nice littele autocratic culture you got going.

claw 3 .-parents with perfectly healthy/normal children are very naive .

indigojohn- i do tell him ,but its pointless- he got so stressed he didnt know what to do.

He sounds like my BIL. He is working in computers, is brilliant at his job and is very well paid. But he still has problems communicating e.g. tends to mutter or grunt an answer to a question. Teachers thought he would never get more than a basic labouring job.

And he does live independently. I don't know your DC so I can't say whether your DC can or can't live independently when he is older. But professionals can get it wrong. So don't assume that this prediction is right. He is still very young.

wfrances

I tried to say there are lots of imponderables and uknowns here.... I think now you have to ask yourself 'what do I want to achieve here?'.

Because I get the impression that part of you would like the apology to level things out, and because you're aggrieved, and to be fair that's often why anyone wants an apology.

But you have to think seriously and honestly about what you think it will achieve - you say it is needed so that DS won't be scared to speak up in future, but I suggest that a more realistic, practical way to deal with that issue is to be very clear with him about what you've both learnt from this - even if it's distressing when you get water on your lunch, always wait until the end of the lesson, and then go to HOY office, and if you're worried about the books, remember to put your hand up and stay sitting down.

Perhaps also there's something to learn about where and how you store a water bottle?

But truthfully, I don't think you will get what you want to achieve by pursuing this - unless you want vindication in the idea that your son shouldn't be in mainstream school, which you might get if you end up in a very adversarial, resentment-ridden situation with the school.

wfrances, until i had a child with SN's i was very niave, didnt know the first thing about SN's, because i didnt have to know.

I wouldnt expect anyone to have knowledge of SN's unless they have to, i can deal with niave as long as people WANT to understand.

The child in question is 12.

So,I would imagine still needs guidance right?

Right.

Without SN he would still need some ,he might not have been upset ...but we all understand that.

I understand teachers are under pressure, we all are in one way or another.

It would have been a non- issue if the educator had chosen to use kind words.

Just a thought op, did you pack his bag in the morning?

Have you apologised to you son for packing a drink that leaked everywhere in his bag by period 2 and put him in this situation?

complexnumber- no i didnt pack his box,i made his sarnies and supervised what he put in there/hes 12 and not useless.
hes made his own drink since sept and never had a problem before.im guessing the spout wasnt pushed down tight enough.easy mistake to make.
so should he have apologised to himself???

He could be encouraged to think that accidents happen, and maybe you could bolster his confidence by pointing out that if he's made his own drink all year, he could bob along to the office if the lid comes off?

Agree with malcon ... OP is starting to sound as if she wants blood - my view is pick your battles, make a fuss about smaller things and the bigger things may get ignored.

"so im guessing this teacher has not been at this school for long and has come from a school where teachers think its ok to speak to children like shit."

Isn't this the crux of the matter , you don't actually know who the teacher is well enough to know if she is snippy or was simply exasperated by your ds. You have your ds' interpretation of what was said, which may be flawed and may well not take into account subtleties of tone or timing. To him it was a big deal at that moment but that isn't to say his reaction was proportionate or appropriate in the classroom.

ds is going to secondary in Septmeber and will undoubtedly face challenges and things not going to plan. However you seem to have a view that the odds are already stacked against your ds and he is a victim rather than look for positive ways of him coping, short and long term. If he has been SEN throughout school should you not now be pushing for diagnosis and a statement if appropriate, rather than expecting a random teacher to recall his specific issues in that moment, especially if she only teaches him once a week or so, and step in.

news flash-malcontentinthemiddle has found a way to get through to sen children ,all you need is encouragement and to boost their confidence.are you a child psychologist?
do you really think its as easy as that ?,if it was there wouldnt be children with these disorders. you cant change their way of thinking.