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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to want this teacher to apologise to my son.

507 replies

wfrances · 04/07/2011 21:37

ds age 12 takes a packed lunch to school,during 2nd lesson he notices drink has leaked in his bag {all of it}his lunch is ruined,and now has no drink.
he tells his teacher who says "i dont care, its not my problem, sit down."
im fuming, he didnt eat all day,no drink and what a wicked way to respond to a child.
phoned head of year straight away ,who totally agreed with my reaction.
but i think she should apologise to him-what do you think?

OP posts:
joric · 05/07/2011 16:15

'should he apologise to himself' in a way yes.. A mental note to remember to put lid on properly in future wouldn't be a bad idea.

complexnumber · 05/07/2011 16:16

hes 12 and not useless.

Isn't that the point many people have been tryng to make?

joric · 05/07/2011 16:19

OP- you sound stressed- It's upsetting to know that a teacher has treated your son harshly ( see my early posts ) but seriously, there needs to be some balance here. I wish a harsh word and spilt drink were the biggest problem I had to worry about DDschool.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 05/07/2011 16:20

Oh wfrances you can't have it all ways round - you get cross when you think people are saying he's useless, and then you get cross at any suggestion you might not treat him with kid gloves.

I didn't say you'd 'cure' SN with encouragement - but surely a child with SN would benefit from some just as much as a non-SN one.

I think you're being daft now, and I'm tired of trying to remain reasonable. You're getting hysterical about someone not treating your child with the patience and equilibrium you would have liked, and you're going to have to calm the hell down and suck it up. This is not going to help you, or him, or your relationship with the school.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 05/07/2011 16:20

If he can make a drink, he can be reminded to put the top on properly.

joric · 05/07/2011 16:21

Agree malcon :(

Animation · 05/07/2011 16:37

"You're getting hysterical"

How is the OP hysterical?. The teacher in question fucked up - needs to make amends. Normal stuff. You make a mistake - make amends.

Btw - are you a guy?

Fifis25StottieCakes · 05/07/2011 16:51

I agree with what people are saying OP. On one hand he has SN and your saying he needs help then you are saying he is 12 and not usless. He can prepare his own lunch and pack it when somone said make sure the lid is on properly

I have no knowledge of the range of SN's, only what i have to with my dd.

I think you should post something like this on the SN board where there are people who can help you.

You are asking if you are BU and most people are saying you are to contact the teacher. I wouldnt have a problem with one of my kids being treat like this so i would say UABU which is what you asked.

I really think you should move this over to SN to get some advice.

4madboys · 05/07/2011 16:59

regardless of whether the teacher was harsh, (imo she could have simply said, wipe it up and then sort it at the end of class) but hey ho.

what is with all the posters saying its the end of term the teachers are tired and snappy blah blah blah WHAT other job do you get to act like a twat and just blame it on the end of term?!!

yes you may be tired but teachers STILL have a job to do! my dp works in a childrens home, only one of the kids attend school full time, the others are all excluded, one educated on site, another ina pupil referral unit etc, these kids are the WORST that SS has to deal with, my partner often works 30hr shifts and doesnt get a 6 wks summer break (infact he has to work MORE hours over the summer) but he doesnt act like a twat because he is tired and its the end of term!! its your job, when you go into it you know what your hours will be etc, suck it up and be polite!!

off ALL adults surely teachers SHOULD be setting an example!!

Omigawd · 05/07/2011 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

joric · 05/07/2011 17:04

OMG omigawd!!!.. Can of worms ...

ll31 · 05/07/2011 17:08

I think the best response would be to deal with what happened - which imo was not unreasonable behaviour on part of teacher. explain to ds what he should do if same happens again. I would worry that by harping on about how unreasonable teacher was and how he's deserving of apology is not going to help him. If he dislikes / finds communication difficult then telling him he can demand an apology anythim anyone speaks a bit impatiently, roughly or whatever is possibly not helpful

Omigawd · 05/07/2011 17:16

@Joric...Ah.

Omigawd · 05/07/2011 17:33

< sees message has been deleted >

That big a can eh!

bellavita · 05/07/2011 17:49

Omigawd, what on earth did you say?

fit2drop · 05/07/2011 18:31

I cannot believe that OP is still on her high horse about this.

it was a small very small, tiny even event , one of many that your son will have to adjust to and or deal with. What sort of lesson are you teaching him.
Your world may revolve around your son (of course it does and rightly so) however , no one elses does and to teach your son that the world will stop and sort out his problems is ridiculous at best and positively setting him up to fail at worst.

I.despair of parents (any parent) who allows their child (SN or not) to grow up thinking the world owes him a favour.

In one of your post OP you stated that your son is not stupid. Of course he isn't, therefore he should be able to handle a bit of short thrift from a teacher. Then again how can he when you are giving out these signals. I fear you making this bigger than it is is far more distressing for him than the actual incident.

JoySzasz · 05/07/2011 18:37

I think if the teacher had just left off the "its not my problem bit"

it would have turned out alright.

I don't see it as her problem either, I see it as a situation that she (as the adult) should have seen as something she could at least try to help with.

It didn't have to be right there and then,and she could have (nicely) told him that.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 05/07/2011 18:45

4madboys in most professions you would be able to snap at someone or be terse or not be as diplomatic as some might like, actually, with a lot more impunity than a teacher.

The teacher wasn't 'acting like a twat', he was somewhat terse.

And no, I'm not a bloke. I just think being 'heartbroken' about this is a bit bleeding mental, to be honest!

Omigawd · 05/07/2011 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

fit2drop · 05/07/2011 18:53

sum up

boy went to school
drink leaked on sandwhich
teacher not sympathetic
MUM heartbroken

FFS!

some people really need a trip to reality

JoySzasz · 05/07/2011 18:55

fit2drop although I don't agree with you,that made me Grin

bellavita · 05/07/2011 18:58

Ah I see Omi.

Just like the parent I mentioned up thread... She wouldn't let him talk to me but kept shouting he had special needs, yes I knew that but he is capable of speaking.

TotalChaos · 05/07/2011 19:01

some LEAs and schools put out all sorts of weird and wonderful misinformation to parents about statementing - that your child has to be X years behind their peers or Y years old. Lack of statement does not = lack of SN/SEN.

joric · 05/07/2011 19:02

Omigawd!! :) I can't bl**dy well remember what you said now!! I promise I didn't complain! I was just hiding from all of the worms that's all... It's annoying me ... Just remembered... A possibility in some low walks of life < waits to be forcibly removed from thread >

fit2drop · 05/07/2011 19:02

its ok OMI I questioned the boys account of events. If he does have problems understanding and sees things as black and white(op words) then his account is flawed as there are so many shades of grey in this thread as the OP drip fed through so [shrug] who knows