to think it is just not necessary to have a dining table anymore?

[LDNmummy]

Traditionally it has always been the look of a good home to have a dining table, preferably with its own area/ room in a house for family gatherings.

But, with modern life as it is, I just don't think it is necessary to have one anymore, unless of course you genuinely use it at least once a week. But do most families anymore?

I don't know many families who still go through the process of sitting around the dining table every weekend let alone every day, possibly for the fact that it is a little extra effort people are not as formal about anymore and sitting together doesn't have to be around a table but even just in the living room watching the telly together IYSWIM.

Plus, houses are not always big enough to accomodate a large family sized table and some may just feel it isnt worth the hassle to cram one in.

I also think this about the large cabinets that traditionally housed all a households fine dining wear that would come out on special occasions.

Aren't these bulky pieces of furniture that take up lots of space and are rarely used outdated now except with older people?

My MIL has a six seater table in the living room that could easily fit eight diners but is used properly about once a year. Half the reason for that is that it is too big and has to be crammed against a wall so isnt convenient to sit around daily or even weekly anyway. She also has a very large display cabinet full of her best dining wear wich is only used when special guests such as family travelling from abroad are visiting, which is rarely.

She is about 60 and in her eyes these two items of furniture are essential to beautify a home as well as for practical reasons, which IMO is questionable. My DM and all the older women in my family feel the same way.

But isnt this just all outdated and unecessary faff a house can do without in a time when people are no longer as formal when it comes to situations such as dining?

We have a kind of half open plan downstairs here...so the dining bit is kid of diagonal to the living area.

See here...

Not massive by any means, pretty useful though. Table is older than all of us, DH's great grandfather made it out if an old door.

A dining table is very good for social chat as you can see everyone's face, spot who is trying to get a word in etc.

It's like circle time! We all take turns to talk about our day. Not everyone is there every day but the children learn that they have a time to speak, to tell everyone about their day. No doubt you can chat at other times but it's a good place to do so.

Interestingly, there was a school reported to have introduced these sorts of lunch times, with topics to discuss as the children were not able to do so.

Dining table is vital in our smallish house (dining room/ living room is one open plan space). We eat at least one meal together everyday (and we fold it up and down every meal). It's also where I sew; where my daughters do their homework; where my husband does some of his work (he can spread out plans); where lego kits get put together. Absolutely vital piece of furniture.
I cannot envisage not having one, it's also where presents get sorted; bundles of clothes and books and toys etc. Craft activities, painting etc. A large flat surface is so useful!

And did you see the tv programme about the state school head that went to a private school to see what was the ethos and could she import any ideas? One of the things she noted was the pupils had meals - evening dinners with outside speakers ( at a table) The children were comfortable with this - it was something she liked and wanted to import.

Unfortunately state schools seem to have gone down the fast food canteen idea, so they don't learn to sit round a table their either.

I reckon not having proper meals round a table is doing your kids a huge disservice.

It's a lovely way to foster proper social interaction, appreciate your food, instill good table manners. These soft skills matter in life.

Plus eating all meals in front of the TV on a tray is unspeakably grim.

I think YABU. DP and I have just bought a table and chairs, having not had the room for one for the past few years (capital city living). We made do for meals with a coffee table and bench before. I'm really enjoying having a proper dining table and chairs for the first time in 6 years. It feels so civilised. A four-seater that extends to seat eight, woohoo!

Hang on, I think some people may be talking at cross purposes when they say they don't have/don't have space for a dining table - do you have some form of kitchen table, just not a separate dining table?

I don't have a dining room or dining table, as a previous owner knocked the dining room into the kitchen - we eat at the kitchen table. When we lived in the world's smallest London flat, in which the same room had to be a sitting room, eating space and study, we had a small folding table which was folded flat against the wall when not in use.

Like almost everyone posting, we use the dining table a lot (although it is in our OK sized kitchen, not a dining room). It is incredibly useful having a large flat surface for all sorts of activities, including eating together.

The kids have never eaten in front of the TV: I don't allow food in the sitting room (too much mess, and I want them to know how to eat properly. Maybe when they are 18 ...).

Also guests invariably sit in the kitchen, around the table, chatting and drinking coffee/wine. The sitting room is pretty much given over to the kids, and isn't terribly adult friendly. But we had a big kitchen when I was a kid, and most visitors would sit round the kitchen table then, so I grew up with that.

We eat every meal at a dining table but it is in our kitchen not a proper dining room. My kids are messy eaters and there is no way we would (or our house would) survive without it! Also, we use it for homework and other stuff too. It's more convenient than putting 4 meals on trays and taking it to the living room when the dining table is in the same room I cook in.

The only time we don't use it is if me and my husband have a rare meal alone and then we may sit in front of the TV!

My DD is nine months and has been joining us at the table since five months when she could sit at the high chair- she loves being part of it and talking to us there. It's been essential since starting solids at six months.

We have a study/home office with our computers in but I never once was able to use my computer in there until DD turned six months and napped more consistently/in her cot. I used to use my laptop on the dining table whilst she slept in her sling or next to me in her Moses basket.

We have lots of books too- many of them academic or stuff we'd like her to have when she's older. We did a massive reorganisation before she was born and managed to get them all fitted in and all the bookshelves attached to the wall for safety.

I also found by the third trimester I couldn't sit on the sofa at all as it was too uncomfortable so I used one of the dining chairs in front of the TV. I physically wouldn't have been able to eat a meal on the sofa at that stage.

Our table is a folding one in our living room as our house is so small. We hardly ever use it and I hate eating off my lap. Im looking forward to when we move somewhere bigger and we can have the table up and ready to use every day. My dd still sits in a highchair but I want her at the table with us. They learn so many social skills that way.

Blue out of curioisty, when do you engage with each other together in the day if you don't eat together?

For the last few years, i have been working late 3 days a week so I haven't had the opportunity to eat my evening meal with the rest of the family.
I feel I've missed a hell of a lot, especially form the dcs. Breakfast was the only time we had together as a family in those days and it's not a time when you share a lot about what's going on. It's more likely that the dcs will remember about a vital piece of paper needs signing/food brought for food tech etc... not a discussion about how they are struggling with xx and that yy is bullying them.

I have lived in cities such a London. Flats are small yes, but if you just have a quick look at the Ikea catalog and you will find plenty of ideas for small spaces. It's not hard or expensive to find a small foldable table where you can sit together (and it creates so much less mess that in itself it's worth it anyway).
imo it's not that there isn't enough space for a table so people don't use one. It's that people don't see a table and eating together as important so they don't make it a priority.
Look for example at what happens in Paris, with the exact same issues of space than London. People still manage a small space for a table because they see that as important.

imo it's not that there isn't enough space for a table so people don't use one. It's that people don't see a table and eating together as important so they don't make it a priority.

I was a bit wondering what the people who say they don't have space for a dining table have in their houses instead. Assuming they have (as we had in London) a galley style kitchen with no room for a table and chairs, there is presumably another room of sorts (even if its also possibly used as, say a bedroom) - what furniture is in there?

We have a small table (seats 4) in the kitchen and a proper dining table in the conservatory that seats eight. The kitchen one is used every day, the main one at least once a week. However I am 64 so I suppose that puts me in the same category as the OP's mil, and therefore old fashioned.

Sorry, that should have read houses/flats. I say that as someone who lived in an extremely small London flat for years. So small that on one occasion when DP's book club came over, and one rather grand woman asked if she could look round (), according to DP she came back asking how she got to the rest of the flat, assuming there was a hidden staircase somewhere, because no one could live in a space so small...

Brilliantly put Mammoth Task

That's what makes a family- the sharing of experiences and emotions. I completely agree.

That's why I'd feel my heart was ripped out if I didn't have a table as we as a family would miss that continual coming together. Ok a bit of a drama way of saying it but I couldn't think of a better way to express it.

But you said it best!

We do a mixture of things. Always eat breakfast and lunch at the (large) kitchen table, which is used for baking, craft, anything, as well as eating. We sometimes also use the kitchen table for evening meals, just us, or when we have other members of the family around, as the kitchen is informal and jolly.

We also have a dining room, which admittedly doesn't get used a lot, as it's more formal - but we do use it for large family meals when we can't quite manage in the kitchen, and for dining with guests and at Christmas/Easter.

And sometimes we eat off our laps in the living room, watching the news, as it might be the only chance we have to watch it (busy during the evenings generally).

But our kids grew up always eating at the table and chatting, and debating and talking about everything - it's the heart of the family and still is, whenever we're all together.

As for welsh dressers and such, we have one in the living room which holds all the posh crocks we only use when there are more than 8 of us dining, large tureens/gravy boat/large trifle bowl, glass sundae dishes, etc. And another in the dining room which holds all the tablecloths, extra cutlery etc (though some of it I also use for general storage).

We love entertaining and are very big on spoiling our loved ones and friends. I LOVE having a formal dinning room. People aren't that formal these days. So having people over for dinner or Sunday lunch in formal but very cosy and warm dinning room with really pretty plates and glassware hopefully makes our guests feel they are being pampered. I also loving having a seperate room for eating as we have pets. I love my closed kitchen for the same reason ( keep the cats out ). In summer, when it's nice weather, we love casual entertaining outdoors using the BBQ. When it's just us and we are having a casual meal, we eat in the kitchen.

My one non-negotiable when house hunting abroad in 2002 was a separate dining-room. I have always lived in a house with a dining-room and it is used, even if now only by me as I live alone.

I couldn't cope with the mess and spillages of not eating at a proper table! We eat at it every single meal.
And the table is also used for drawing, crafts etc. Xx

Couldnt mange without - we eat round the table every day but also use it for homework, drawing/art/craft/ the sewing machine, large jigsaws, work laptops, subbuteo and occasionally table tennis! We dont have space for desks in the kids room, or a study so everything happens at the table.
I know what you mean about the cabinet tho LDNmummy, my DM still has a cupboard full of the 'best' china that rarely sees the light of day

The dining table is where my boy does his colouring and probably where he will do his homework when he's big enough to get some.
It's obviously where we eat all our meals, too. In fact, we have 3 dining tables: one in the kitchen, one in the dining room and one outside. The kitchen one is for breakfast on weekdays as it's quicker, but we still all sit around it.
It's utterly depressing to think of homes without a dining table on which everyone can eat and work. I understand that children from homes without at least one table on which they can do their homework tend to suffer at school compared to those who have one.
YABU

we engage with each other at most other times when together. Bathtimes we always talk about our day, in our garden in their secret den is a place especially in summer that we spend a lot of time and talking, in the living room with the tv in the background. It does not mean just because we dont have a dining table we dont talk to each other or engage with others, thats ridiculous.

As i said, I am a fan of dining tables and was brought up in a large extended family with large family meals and events so get it. But my children do know how to actually sit at one and talk to other people on the occasions that we do.

I suspect you will find it difficult to talk to your teenagers at bath times, and if you haven't made a usual practise to eat at a table I suspect you will find there may be less chat than you'd like.

Maybe it depends on the size of the family. We just have DD (13) and although we have a dining room we never use it- except Christmas Day. In fact we've just sold our big oak dining table and bought an antique round table that folds on it's side instead to make more storage room in our dining room!

We always eat at the pine table in our kitchen if the in laws are round and for weekend breakfast.

However we're totally immersed in DD's world from the time I take her on the school run, to taking her to her various sports clubs, riding etc. There isn't a time when we're not interacting with her.

I can understand why bigger families would need to come together in one place but not for us.