to think it is just not necessary to have a dining table anymore?

[LDNmummy]

Traditionally it has always been the look of a good home to have a dining table, preferably with its own area/ room in a house for family gatherings.

But, with modern life as it is, I just don't think it is necessary to have one anymore, unless of course you genuinely use it at least once a week. But do most families anymore?

I don't know many families who still go through the process of sitting around the dining table every weekend let alone every day, possibly for the fact that it is a little extra effort people are not as formal about anymore and sitting together doesn't have to be around a table but even just in the living room watching the telly together IYSWIM.

Plus, houses are not always big enough to accomodate a large family sized table and some may just feel it isnt worth the hassle to cram one in.

I also think this about the large cabinets that traditionally housed all a households fine dining wear that would come out on special occasions.

Aren't these bulky pieces of furniture that take up lots of space and are rarely used outdated now except with older people?

My MIL has a six seater table in the living room that could easily fit eight diners but is used properly about once a year. Half the reason for that is that it is too big and has to be crammed against a wall so isnt convenient to sit around daily or even weekly anyway. She also has a very large display cabinet full of her best dining wear wich is only used when special guests such as family travelling from abroad are visiting, which is rarely.

She is about 60 and in her eyes these two items of furniture are essential to beautify a home as well as for practical reasons, which IMO is questionable. My DM and all the older women in my family feel the same way.

But isnt this just all outdated and unecessary faff a house can do without in a time when people are no longer as formal when it comes to situations such as dining?

No matter how busy we were as my children were growing up, dinner was at the dining table. Harder these days as they get older and have independent commitments but I still love sitting down with my children and enjoying their company as we eat.
I cannot imagine NOT having that, it really was the best part of the day. I don't see it as 'formal', just as being engaged with my children. We have had some of the best convos and best laughs at the table.

I have 3 kids, 5 and under. We eat at the table for every meal bar the occasional sandwich or whatever. No way am I trusting a 2 year old and 9 month old to eat their Spag Bol on the sofa

Surely a table is essential in any home? We live in a tiny two up two down house but a table in the kitchen is essential for eating as a family with our two small children and also for crafting, painting and drawing. We couldn't/ wouldn't be without it.

It depends what you mean by dinning table?
If you mean a table in the living room , then I would say no. We had a very nice large one in the living room, where the only time the seats felt an arse was on Christmas Day .
On the other hand the table we have in our kitchen is used all the time. In my fat backside brook one of seats last night.

*Our family doesn't have the time or interest in sitting around a table having a formal meal ever day. It seems so boring?

How do families force everyone to sit at same table everyday, and force them to talk about... what? *

We had a dining table growing up but we didn't ever have 'formal' meals, so the one doesn't lead to the other.

For lunches mum would throw a loaf of bread and some butter on the table and we'd grab a plate knife and sandwich typing of our choice and make and eat a sandwich.

At dinner times she'd do something like put a pot of spaghetti and one of bolognaise on the table and let us know there was food if we wanted it. We'd come down when we were ready (mostly quite quickly cos we were always 'starving' and like our meals hot), eat what we wanted, and leave when we wanted. Nothing 'forced' about it.

If we wanted to chat we would. If we didn't we wouldn't. We had a radio and TV in that room so could watch the telly if we wanted. So, basically, what you do in your sitting room but with the comfort of being able to sit upright at a table, not hunched over your lap.

Even as a surly teen grabbing something to eat on my own I would have sat at the table, partly through habit (if the table is just always where you eat you don't think about it, any more than it would occur to you to try to sleep in the kitchen), and mostly because being right next to the kitchen it was the easiest and most comfortable place to eat (far too lazy as a teen to walk all the way up the stairs just to wolf down a few mouthfuls of food!)

There's no "forcing" children to eat at the table if that's what you've always done. It's just the place where you eat.

We eat every meal at a table. No tv, no phones. It's not "formal" but it's a sit down meal with cutlery. And we talk to each other - about our day, about things that are happening in the world, about films one of us might have seen, or about whatever we fancy really. Our ds are now 18 and 20 and its very rare that they miss dinner with us, even if they disappear to go out with their mates when dinner is over.

I'm not going to judge anyone else who chooses to eat in front if the TV if thats what works for your family. It just wouldn't work in ours. So please don't judge my family for choosing to eat at a table.

Oh I'd hate not to have a dining table

We eat every meal at our table, snacks are eaten there, kids homework is done there, play-doh, baking with the kids etc

I don't even have a dining room just have a table and chairs in my kitchen

I agree Usedtobe I've never once forced any of my kids to sit round the table that's just always what we have done.
Even as babies I would sit at the table and feed them in heir highchair.

We have side tables in the living room and always use serving trays, or in the kitchen sitting on a stool depending if the person is in a rush or wants to relax

How have you taught your children table manners?

YABU

Couldn't be without mine. We sit round it five nights out of seven. How on earth do you eat fajitas on your lap anyway? What a faff!

I have two kids, eldest is 8. We use our dining table everyday & we love it. Our family life can be quite rushed but we make the time for it. I personaly think it takes longer to sit & eat whilst watching tv than it does at the table because your distracted by the tv. If no children are in the home then i think each to their own but i think its vital in a childs up bringing.

I have a sullen teen and a ten yr old. We eat at the table at least 5 big meals a week. Even when teen can't be arsed talking he has the chance to listen t us talk its informal and in the hubb of the house. Never forced. Teen will make own meals at breakfast and lunch and still sit at table as he likes to. I am a VERY northern working class gal! Its normal life here!

At the table always. We don't eat food anywhere else. (Apart from the garden when having a BBQ)

My children have been brought up with this so its no issue.we are busy too so some days we all eat at the table, but not all at the same time.

We put food out on the table so people can help themselves. My table is the heart of the home!

We have a table in the living room (no dining room) and it's an essential part of family life. All of our meals are eaten there and we've never had a meal on the sofa in our seven years together. We don't own formal dining stuff and the table is by the kitchen so easy to set up. Plus it cuts right down on cleaning etc- no sticky hands on sofa. How do you teach table manners on a sofa so a child knows how to behave in a restaurant?

We don't eat on the sofa because we like sitting together to chat. I have IBS and couldn't eat all scrunched up on the sofa anyway - I had awful problems in lodgings once that didn't have a table to sit at. The DH absolutely refuses to eat any meal sat on the soda so we never have.

Even when I lived on my own I had a small table and sat at it for every meal!

Not many things shock me on mumsnet but this does weirdly. I feels like you are suggesting ripping the heart out of my family.

I guess it's because I grew up with a dining table where we all sat round eating our Sunday lunch, and especially at my Grandparents it was always a regular and jolly affair where the children got to hear and join in the adult conversation. Some of my best memories as a child.

We use our table for family meals, dinner parties with friends ( never formal or stuffy) homework, visiting kids, crazy craft stuff- it's an essential part of our family.

When we sit round for meals we talk, go round the table and everyone gets to speak if they want to. We talk about the day, table manners and why they are important, we talk about the country and what's going on in the world, I ask them what they think about what they have read in the news or about school. Sometimes there are debates, sometimes arguments, strops, laughter, shared problems, tears, new food being tried, new food being loved/rejected, new things being learned. Sometimes they just want to sit and say nothing but just listen.I cannot imagine a better way of spending time chatting and listening with my family tbh than sitting round the table with some nice food.

We would never sit round the TV with meals. that's pretty gross in my view. So unsociable.

Not many things shock me on mumsnet but this does weirdly. I feels like you are suggesting ripping the heart out of my family.
We would never sit round the TV with meals. that's pretty gross in my view. So unsociable.
Get over yourself
What if people don't have room for a table, or can't afford one?

Gross and unsociable?
Bet all those who dont have room for a table feel free reading that!

Feel great, not feel free.

There are small tables that can be hung off a wall and fold back against the wall when not in use.

There are charity shops and freecycle and other ways to get tables that are not terribly expensive (if not even free in many cases).

DD often has dinner in front of the tv - days that she has had enough of the world and needs to unwind (aspie).

But she would eat with us at the dining table much more often than alone with tv. Even those tv nights, DH and I usually eat at the table. We use it to do homework, for DH and I to do work or admin stuff on laptops or spreading out papers, I use it for wrapping presents, the end holds a specific pile of papers that we refer to frequently (unless we have visitors and clear the whole thing).

While we are not home for lunch 5 days a week, we generally eat there at weekends. DH and I relax over breakfast with newspapers spread out on weekend mornings. We do have a reasonable number of visitors over for meals too.

The importance of being able to find time to chat over our days, discuss arrangements for umpteen things going on, pull out the diary to check who is due where, and allow everyone (including DD) a chance to be involved in general discussion and debate - are all vital parts of our day. And we don't really get a chance to do that except by sitting at the dinner table because our lives are far too frantic otherwise (DH and I work FT, DD is out at school until 6pm, there are a number of clubs at the weekend that we are involved with, DH (and less frequently I do as well) often travels for work and he would regularly be late home at night - so it really is a frantic household!).

When we were viewing 2 bed flats to buy in London (I must have viewed 30+) many of them didn't have a dining table, or indeed any room for one. So many flats have been carved up to present as many 'bedrooms' as possible, often at the expense of having only a galley kitchen. They also have nowhere to dry wet washing.
You might find a table squashed in the living room - not massively practical especially if it's carpeted.
We held out for a flat with a dining room (the kitchen is tiny but we are about to knock through to make a large kitchen diner). It's the room we spend most time in as a family, we eat 3 meals a day round the table.

We don't have a TV so we'd be staring at the wall if we ate dinner on the sofa.

Frecken crutches

Thanks for respecting how I feel. Everyone entitled to their views. What a lovely person you are. NOT
The OP asked for an opinion and that's what I gave.

If you can afford a TV then you can afford a table. It doesn't have to be massive. It's the point of it that matters and what it facilitates. It's about engaging with your kids at some point in the day rather staring passively at a machine. There's a lot of research that shows it improves social skills - perhaps if you tried it- it might improve yours!

Our family doesn't have the time or interest in sitting around a table having a formal meal ever day. It seems so boring?

How do families force everyone to sit at same table everyday, and force them to talk about... what?

Now THAT is very weird to me. Not because of the table stuff. But because it's saying that it is normal for people in a family to have nothing to say to each other for the what? half an hour that a meal takes.

Fwiw, eating around a table is important for us for the exact opposite reason. It's the one time we all meet up and talk about our day, what's going on, what we have hear about on the radio etc etc we talk about our plans for the weekends, the next coming b'day and its preparations, what's going on at school, check if everyone is settled and happy. The list is endless.
That is, imo, what makes a family. The sharing of expriences and emotions, Knowing what makes the other tick, what struggles they have, how they see the world etc... How will you know that if you don't spend time together talking?

What kind of housing do people live in? It seems there is a very split verdict here. Just wondering if this is the difference - or not.

I love a dining table but small 2 bed flat in London does not accommodate our living and work hours, we all eat at totally different times and not always at home.

Small table for young children in living room and us on our laps which works great. We engage together at other times in the day - does not have to be at a dining table.