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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think it is just not necessary to have a dining table anymore?

725 replies

LDNmummy · 04/07/2011 13:24

Traditionally it has always been the look of a good home to have a dining table, preferably with its own area/ room in a house for family gatherings.

But, with modern life as it is, I just don't think it is necessary to have one anymore, unless of course you genuinely use it at least once a week. But do most families anymore?

I don't know many families who still go through the process of sitting around the dining table every weekend let alone every day, possibly for the fact that it is a little extra effort people are not as formal about anymore and sitting together doesn't have to be around a table but even just in the living room watching the telly together IYSWIM.

Plus, houses are not always big enough to accomodate a large family sized table and some may just feel it isnt worth the hassle to cram one in.

I also think this about the large cabinets that traditionally housed all a households fine dining wear that would come out on special occasions.

Aren't these bulky pieces of furniture that take up lots of space and are rarely used outdated now except with older people?

My MIL has a six seater table in the living room that could easily fit eight diners but is used properly about once a year. Half the reason for that is that it is too big and has to be crammed against a wall so isnt convenient to sit around daily or even weekly anyway. She also has a very large display cabinet full of her best dining wear wich is only used when special guests such as family travelling from abroad are visiting, which is rarely.

She is about 60 and in her eyes these two items of furniture are essential to beautify a home as well as for practical reasons, which IMO is questionable. My DM and all the older women in my family feel the same way.

But isnt this just all outdated and unecessary faff a house can do without in a time when people are no longer as formal when it comes to situations such as dining?

OP posts:
soverylucky · 04/07/2011 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NestaFiesta · 04/07/2011 13:36

YABU. The death of the family meal will be a very sad day indeed. If you eat in front of the telly you are not giving each other your full attention and sometimes its the only time of day you are all together.

Family meals round a table is one of lfie's pleasures that is central to everything.

VelvetSnow · 04/07/2011 13:36

I have a dining table and a welsh dresser, very old and very wooden but I love them - we got both items for £50! bargain!

We eat at the table most evenings. I use the table when working from home, sometimes we even just sit at the table and talk or play cards....

I like my table, wouldn't be without.

moogster1a · 04/07/2011 13:36

Is your surname Royle?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 04/07/2011 13:36

I try to make sure mealtimes arnt rushed and our mealtimes are definitely not formal! Grin As for setting the table that's the beauty of it, DS (4) sets out the cutlery for us and it's great for teaching him about sensible portions. It's actually alot easier than dragging out mini tables and messy mats, balancing trayson laps plus I get to face everyone as I talk to them.

oohjarWhatsit · 04/07/2011 13:36

we use our table, as well as eating our food, to play cards on when the family all come round - not the same playing cards on your knee lol

OTheHugeManatee · 04/07/2011 13:36

A family home without a dining table? Shock

AMumInScotland · 04/07/2011 13:37

We eat our breakfast on ours every day, and dinner when we have people round - I don't think on the sofa in front of the TV is very welcoming for visitors. DS also does a lot of his homework on it, and I use it when I'm doing the filing - loads of lovely space to spread papers out.

But then we are all open-plan so its easy to use - if it was shut away in another room I doubt we'd use it as often.

But are you suggesting your MIL should do things differently just because you don't see any beenfit in it? If so, you'd be better butting out and leavign her to it!

worraliberty · 04/07/2011 13:37

Come to think of it now, all my neighbours have dining tables too

LDNmummy · 04/07/2011 13:37

Oh and of course if you have the space I think it is definitely nice to utilise it for its purpose and have a table, just don't see a point to cramming one in if you don't.

Zing I am not judging how others decorate their homes (typical MN response to a question like this). If people are happy with it then fair enough. My question was about whether or not MODERN LIVING makes it a bit pointless. IMO it does obviously and I wanted to know what others thought.

OP posts:
LilBB · 04/07/2011 13:37

I don't have a table. We have a kitchen diner so eat at the breakfast bar or in the living room. If I had the room I would mind a table put it would be a four seater, couldn't be bothered with a huge formal thing. As for a sideboard for all the formal crockery, I don't have one of them. We don't have the room and I think it's rather old fashioned. I only have one set of dishes too so they live in the kitchen cupboards.

stressheaderic · 04/07/2011 13:38

My mum bought us a large table and chairs when we moved into our home, just me and DP. To my shame, we never used it (told my mum we did though). It was just a place to dump ironing, unopened post etc.

Now we have DD we sit at it for every meal, to do crafts, drawing etc. Couldn't be without it!
In the absence of a table, how would she develop table manners?!

AKMD · 04/07/2011 13:38

YABU. When DH and I were buying our first house, one of the non-negotiables when we were doing viewings was that it had to have space for a dining table. It's a cheap IKEA one but that doesn't really matter (and is a positive plus now that DS is using a fork and likes to make pretty patterns in the wood when we're not looking Hmm).

soverylucky · 04/07/2011 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty · 04/07/2011 13:38

And setting the table isn't a faff

Just chuck a few place mats down and the cutlery

Though I must admit, I sometimes get the Butler to do it Grin

Kveta · 04/07/2011 13:39

YABU. Even after a long day at work, I make sure we all dress for dinner, and the cutlery is laid properly on the table, to ensure that even 21 month old DS knows which set to use for the fish course etc. The biggest problem we have is that he keeps spilling food on his tie, the little scamp.

noddyholder · 04/07/2011 13:39

love it

itisnearlysummer · 04/07/2011 13:39

We eat our breakfast at the dining table, lunch is usually eaten at school/work but at the weekend, we eat lunch at the dining table. Our evening meal is always eaten at the table too.

We talk about the day, my children share their news about school, we have a laugh and a joke, we teach the children table manners and enjoy spending the time together.

I agree there is something really depressing about the image of a family eating dinner in front of the TV.

DD does her homework there, we do arts and crafts stuff there, I put my sewing machine there, we play with toys on there.

Do you really think they are unnecessary and unused LDNmummy?

worraliberty · 04/07/2011 13:39

What is your idea of 'modern living'?

HappyDoll · 04/07/2011 13:40

We never used ours growing up - just TV dinners. Twas horrible. We use ours everyday now, at least twice. Breakfast and dinner all together. Usually loads of crafty stuff too. Plus, because it's in the kitchen, people sit and chat to me whilst I cook. Wouldn't be without it!

Don't see the need for welsh dressers though - unless you live on a farm.

niceguy2 · 04/07/2011 13:40

YABU. A family meal at a dining table is not just about space or eating. It's about spending those few minutes together talking about each others day.

We have a busy family and I really value the twenty minutes or so we can all gather around the table to eat without phones, TV's, computers etc all getting in the way. Where the kids can tell me about their day and I can dish out my fatherly advice for them to roll their eyes then ignore....

In a world which is so busy and rush rush, it's nice to have those few minutes of being back to basics. I also think it instils better manners and discipline in kids.

Indith · 04/07/2011 13:40

Where do you eat if you don't have a table? Eating on the sofa is alright for slobbing once a week with dh and some curry or pizza (homemade, I don't mean takeaway once a week!) but it is so bad for you, you end up leaning over, I get back ache to be honest.

We use our table every day. Breakfast is eaten at the table although all at different times. I eat luch at the table with the dcs. We all eat dinner together pretty mcuh every day (well me and dcs as dh works away but at weekend all of us together). The dcs adore eating together.

hildathebuilder · 04/07/2011 13:40

I am glad the majority see a dining table as a necessity. We have a dining table we use every day in winter in a small cosy dining room, and when the weathers bad, this is the table we also use for bits of work, writing letters, putting the laptop on etc but the room is dark so in summer we have a smaller table in our light kitchen which is a bit more rleaxed, and then we have a teak table outside for formal al fresco dining...

the only time I ever eat in front of the tv is when i am on my own

AmazingBouncingFerret · 04/07/2011 13:41

I don't get how eating at a table is not modern living and considered formal;??

PinotsEvilTwin · 04/07/2011 13:41

Ooh never mind eating there, bung a few plates of snacks down, a bottle or three of wine and I'm set for a chatty gossipy evening. Love it.

Oh yeah and we eat at the table too Grin