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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to despair of our selfish society.

63 replies

york78 · 01/07/2011 23:08

Just one example. Person moaning because they are late home because someone committed suicide by throwing themselves in front of a train. No thought for the despair that person must be feelling or the distress of that persons family. Or the trauma suffered by the driver of train.

OP posts:

JeremyVile · 01/07/2011 23:11

God yes, plenty of selfish, moany, miserable, self-important twonks about.
Far more normal, decent people though I think.

animula · 01/07/2011 23:15

On the other hand, there are incidents like this one

animula · 01/07/2011 23:16

Which is what Jeremy Vile has pretty much said, I see.

FabbyChic · 01/07/2011 23:17

Generally people will go about their own lives when something like this happens, it is hard to have empathy for people you know nothing about.

allegrageller · 01/07/2011 23:19

really Fabby....??? Hard to feel empathy for a suicide??

Maybe you're right to despair, OP!

SmartyHan · 01/07/2011 23:19

Well, that person WAS selfish. Sorry, but someone chooses to commit suicide by holding up hundreds of people for a possibility of hours, causing all manners of problems. There are easier ways of doing it....shrugs....

AgentZigzag · 01/07/2011 23:19

You can get bogged down with the shitty side, especially if you're looking for it.

But like animula says, there's plenty to balance it out, not that it makes the shitty side OK.

Maybe/hopefully the person complaining about being late will later give a thought for the family of the person/driver?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/07/2011 23:24

YABU.... We couldn't function as human beings if we spent our entire lives breaking our hearts about all the crappy things that happen to everyone else. Everyone has problems enough of their own to deal with and it should come as no surprise that they might not want to take on total strangers' theoretical despair and anguish on top. It's not selfish... it's just getting through the day.

allegrageller · 01/07/2011 23:25

in the end it doesn't really matter- someone is dead in the most horrible way and the family will suffer appallingly regardless of some disgruntled commuters.

I should think the kind of violently suicidal state that leads someone to throw themselves under a train, is a form of 'selfishness', but hardly one equivalent to track vandalism or pulling the on-board alarm for a laugh.

Original poster

york78 · 01/07/2011 23:25

Lovely story animula. Smarty yes that person probably was selfish. However, it is not just them affected. Its those left behind and the train driver of course who will suffer the most.

OP posts:

allegrageller · 01/07/2011 23:26

I mean the public reaction will not matter to the family who are already devastated- not that the death does not matter!!

AgentZigzag · 01/07/2011 23:26

I agree a bit with you fabby because if you felt a lot about everything bad you heard about you'd never get another seconds peace with all the pain and suffering that goes on in the world.

I think with the OP it's thoughtless because their paths crossed and the person didn't feel anything.

lifeisa4letterword · 01/07/2011 23:28

Sorry York, but you've got it wrong. The people most likely to make selfish or tasteless comments about other people's misfortunes are exactly those who are most likely to have to deal with them: doctors, police, paramedics etc.

If we all felt everyone else's pain, the world would grind to a halt; we all need some way of insulating ourselves from other people's low-level misfortune (high-level misfortune like 9/11 is a bit different). So we use black humour, dismissive comments etc.

Someone I don't know throws themself under a train; tragic for their family, sad for their friends, a nuisance for me. End of.

Cocoflower · 01/07/2011 23:32

The person I know who complains the most is a train guard.

Really it is selfish though- how would you feel if you witnessed someone getting hit by a train? My DH and it was horrific. Why would you want to tramatise innocent people like that for the rest of their lifes and cause maximum disruption to people at the same time?

By the way train drivers get three months paid leave if this happens so they are thought about.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 01/07/2011 23:33

Suicide is selfish.

Whoever chose to throw themselves under the train clearly had no thought for the driver, or for those who had to gather up assorted limbs and other parts and/or scrape up what remained of the body and take it to the mortuary.

They were so selfishly focused on their own misery and despair that they didn't spare any thought for the familly and friends who may mourn their death, or who may spend the rest of their lives wondering if they could have done anything to prevent it, or those who may blame themselves to the extent that they also commit suicide.

To say nothing of inconveniencing countless strangers who, although they may be quietly despairing at their lot in life, are simply trying to complete their journeys in a timely fashion.

Original poster

york78 · 01/07/2011 23:34

True the public's reaction does not matter. Maybe I am just oversensitive at the moment.

OP posts:

CQrrrneee · 01/07/2011 23:35

Suicide is selfish.

Whoever chose to throw themselves under the train clearly had no thought for the driver...

that might be because they are mentally ill
idiot

CQrrrneee · 01/07/2011 23:35

sorry should have used speech marks

'Suicide is selfish.

Whoever chose to throw themselves under the train clearly had no thought for the driver...'

that might be because they are mentally ill
idiot

allegrageller · 01/07/2011 23:38

yep, rampant mental illness and consideration for others (particularly their commuting schedules) don't really go together, izzy. (I am now feeling rather sick, as izzy's post made me laugh out loud...it's just the idea of someone in the thick of suicidal mania going 'ohhhh no, how COULD I interrupt other people's busy lives like this'....)

edam · 01/07/2011 23:38

The person I always feel sorriest for is the train driver. Closely followed by the family, and then the poor sods who have to extract the body and clear up the mess.

I do realise people who are suicidal are in the deepest pits of despair and not really able to think about anyone else's needs, but throwing themselves under trains really is a very shitty thing to do.

allegrageller · 01/07/2011 23:40

agreed, of course it is.

It's just that placing 'common sense and decency' against suicidal mania of that kind (and it is a violent mania- most suicides do not do it that way) is like asking the wind not to blow.

princessglitter · 01/07/2011 23:40

I really think people don't understand depression. Really - selfishness has nothing whatsoever to with it. It is an illness. Your bloody train journey is fairly trivial compared to the reality of dealing with depression so severe you are prepared to take your own life. How dare people say it is selfish. Unless you have been there you cannot possibly understand. Why is depression any different from any other mental illness.

ifancyashandy · 01/07/2011 23:40

izzy your post took my breath away. Do you truely believe that?

People who commit suicide are so ill that they believe their loved ones are better off without them. For them, it's the only option out of the hell they're in.

As CQ said, they are mentally ill. And yes, I do have some experience of working with suicidal people.

MadYoungCatLady · 01/07/2011 23:44

I don't think these people are selfish as such, just not compassionate. Some people in society can relate to others pain. Others cannot. If we did not have these people who emotionally detach from situations that have very little to do with them we would have a lot more suicides - can you imagine the level of psychiatric care required if everyone felt everyone elses pain and suffering? Psychiatric care struggles enough as it is, maybe a reason this unfortunate soul decided to jump in front of a train as it is.

As one of the 'chosen' ones who suffer with a psychiatric illness, I know what its like to want to commit suicide. But yes, it is selfish and as much pain as you are in when you are in that frame of mind, the people who love you will be in a lot more pain if they lose you, and I can hand on heart say that is the reason I am still here today.

In regards to the train driver - I would be surprised if he/she has not witnessed this before. I am sure it is upsetting for them, but I am also sure that when they take on the role of train driver they are aware that an incident like this will happen at some point.

ilovesooty · 01/07/2011 23:44

Really - selfishness has nothing whatsoever to with it. It is an illness. Your bloody train journey is fairly trivial compared to the reality of dealing with depression so severe you are prepared to take your own life

I agree. Someone so depressed simply doesn't think/act within the parameters of social norms and considerations.

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