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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP going on about my name being "common"

118 replies

ItsOnlyAName · 01/07/2011 13:15

Namechange as I'm revealing my real name in this thread.

So basically my first name is Tracy. DP always goes on about it saying it's such an awful name and makes me sound like a fishwife, drug addict or prostitute. He says his mum would NEVER have chosen a name like it for her daughters and keeps asking if I'm embarrassed by it and asks if I got bullied at school because of it. I don't like my name all that much either but I can't be arsed with the faff of changing it, it would take so long for everyone to revert to calling me something else and the paperwork, certificates etc - just not worth the hassle. But with him going on about it constantly it's making me really self concious, especially so as when I was 16 I was dating a lad who told me his mother had already decided I was "a bit rough" because of my name yet she'd never even met me (and never did come to think of it) !!

I don't think DP realises how much this is starting to get to me. AIBU to really kick off everytime he mentions it? it will cause arguments but he's never going to shut up about it otherwise.

OP posts:
tazmin · 01/07/2011 13:39

lol at tracey emin being classy

if it were me i would just laugh it off. the more they see it riles you, the more they will try and do it. Unless he is serious then I would say in a quizzical fashion "how strange you are"

Ephiny · 01/07/2011 13:44

YANBU to be annoyed, he's being quite rude and nasty. I think Tracy is a perfectly fine name, but even if it wasn't, you can't help what your parents called you!

What does he hope to achieve by going on about it all the time, other than upsetting you - is he trying to pressure you to change it?

ZZZenAgain · 01/07/2011 13:45

even if she changed it to say Theresa or something else he approves of, who thinks he is ever going to let her forget she was called Tracy beforehand?

Ephiny · 01/07/2011 13:45

And I don't know how old you are OP, but when I was at school Trac(e)y was a very popular and trendy name, definitely not something you'd be bullied for!

PelvicFloor0fSteel · 01/07/2011 13:49

Bizarre! I can't understand why he'd think you'd be bullied at school for having a 'common' (in other words popular) name, surely that would mean over half the class in every school would be bullied?

Tortington · 01/07/2011 13:55

Tracey is that name, this is true, ans although many mumsnetters are trying to make you feel better i think we all know what the reality is. its there with sharon as a common name of the early to mid 70's

the issue here is that your dp is a twat - i too have a common 70's name and dh's name in full....is that of a serial killer...I....SHIT...YOU...NOT his mother really thought that through Grin

anyway, the point is your dp is a twat, this isn't about your name - which isn't 'rough' just common for a certain era. this is about putting you down, if he loves you why would he want to hurt you? i think that is the question you have to ask him calmly " DP, you really are hurting my feelings. If you loved me why would you want to hurt my feelings and make me upset?"

"it's only a joke"

Jemma1111 · 01/07/2011 13:56

Taking the piss out of you is nothing short of abuse, even if its disguised as a joke.

He knows he's getting to you so is intentionally being cruel. What a twat he is!
I'd kick him to the kerb sharpish if I were you

lashingsofbingeinghere · 01/07/2011 13:56

I used to work with someone very posh called Tracey. Her brother was called Wayne. But she had cut crystal vowels and a flat with a smart postcode.

So, nerr to your DP. Traceys can be posh Grin

ExitPursuedByAKitten · 01/07/2011 13:59

Leave the bastard

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 01/07/2011 14:01

I can't believe you've actually got to the stage where you're considering, and explaining to him, the pros and cons of changing your name.

Well, I can. But honestly, look at how much he's already shifted your boundaries, if you feel that you have to have enough good reasons not to change your name. Seriously.

BooyHoo · 01/07/2011 14:02

the first name that came into my head when i read the title was tracy, the second was sharon. Blush (sorry to any Mners with these names).

eitehr way. it doesn't matetr if your name was farthead, it's your name and your 'd'p is being an absoloute knob to use it as a way to make you feel bad. he soudns vile. your name isn't the problem.

LineRunner · 01/07/2011 14:05

I put a thread on baby names to see if it illicits the same snobby madness that the OP's DP has spewed forth.

I doubt it will. I hope it won't.

But anyway I hope this shows your DP to be the root of the problem, because anyone on that thread who has an attack of the snobbies will look at nasty and stupid as he does.

HerHissyness · 01/07/2011 14:06

ikleboo: Tell him 'Your mum only called you X because the registrar wouldn't let her put her chosen Native American name of "grows up to be a c&nt. Grin Grin Grin Grin

How bloody dare he!

Seriously, he is RANK. what a total tosser.

LineRunner · 01/07/2011 14:07

I think my baby name thread plan may be failing.

I'll get my coat.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/07/2011 14:10

One or two jokey remarks about a name you could possibly tolerate. But if he's going on and on about it then he's being deliberately annoying, trying to belittle something you have no control over and I would therefore classify it as 'bullying'....

Awomancalledhorse · 01/07/2011 14:11

I dislike DH's name, and internally shudder whenever I say it (didn't stop me dating 3 other blokes with the same name!), and although I've told him it's my least favourite name in the universe...apart from maybe Keith.
I wouldn't take the piss out of him constantly, and I've called him by a nickname (nice nickname!) the entire time I've known him so it's not a 'problem'.

He's being a twat if he knows it upsets you when he takes the piss out of your name. YANBU to tell him to get used to it, if he hates your name that much bring it up infront of your parents and watch DP squirm
Alternatively change HIS name to Tracy or something he hates (KEITH!!), via deedpoll (I did this to Dh this year on April Fools Day, you can do it online, pay £25 for the certificate to get sent out & it's not offically his name until he starts using it..or something)!

hugeleyoutnumbered · 01/07/2011 14:29

tell him you have changed you name to Vagina Flanges and see what he makes of that Wink the man is a twit

JanMorrow · 01/07/2011 14:36

What a dick!

Tell him he's really upsetting you. Is he always thoughtless, rude and insensitive? I'm assuming you've told him to shut up about it before but he's still persisting? Do you think he likes getting a rise from you?

Mischif · 01/07/2011 14:44

I know two posh Tracey's. I have never thought of them as common or unfortunate. I think you need to question if he's right for you. It may seem a minor issue or "joke" of his, but I can't understand why he'd hurt your feelings in this way. My dh has a very odd name, which I don't personally like as a name, but it's his name and it's part of who he is. I have never mentioned the fact that I don't particularly like the name. It's just really thoughtless.

PrettyMeerkat · 01/07/2011 14:45

What an arse hole!

He says his mum would NEVER have chosen a name like it for her daughters

  • Just felt that you should point out to him that the name wouldn't have been so widely used when your mum named you, plus it's impossible to name a child and know how it will be perceived in 30/40 years time!

BTW I don't know a single Tracy!

PinotsEvilTwin · 01/07/2011 14:47

I'd like to know his name please.

PinotsEvilTwin · 01/07/2011 14:48
SuePurblybilt · 01/07/2011 14:53
OTheHugeManatee · 01/07/2011 14:53

Warn him that if you hear one more squeak out of him about Tracy you're changing your name by deed poll to Happily Single After Ditching That Tosser.

Arsehole.

PrettyMeerkat · 01/07/2011 14:54

Oh please let it be something lame. Please please please!