To have just realised this about being a working mum/working couple

[MrsKravitz]

We are SO ripped off.

Talking with some colleagues at lunch today and we got around to taling about cooking. We were all discussing what we were having for the evening meal when one of the girls asked a male colleague if he cooks.
He looked blankly at us , then grinned and just said "I would but my dinner is always cooked and ready for me when i get home".

I do EXACTLY the same job as this guy. I have to use all my leave for child care and when one of the kids is sick (sometimes dh does but he is self employed so doesnt have leave as such), I get home, put my bag down and cook dinner, clean the house, do homework, bed, reading in bed, get ready for next day, then work a bit. He goes away for working weekends and conferences. I stay and look after my family while dh works on the weekend.

It was like some bizarre and somewhat late realisation. I think its been late coming because I hadnt worked with a man who was exactly in the same job role and level as me before. or I am a bit slow off the mark

I cant even imagine doing what I do now at work and then just walking in to a clean house,have my dinner cooked, kids sorted and just "relax" for the evening.

I want a sahwife.

but I do all cleaning, cooking, laundry, shopping, ironing, put the bins out, run the finances, do all the buthousehold admin, book the holidays, look after the horses

more fool you then

and as for getting pregnant with a lazy useless partner, even more fool you

and bought and opened wine worra? Now there's an episode of The Apprentice!!!

I'm confused by having a MrsKravitz and a mrskravitz on this thread.

Anyway, why don't you ask your DH to cook while you bath the kids and put them in bed or t'other way round?

I work in a very demanding job. My DH doesn't work. Financially thats no problem as I earn a stupid amount of money but I do all cleaning, cooking, laundry, shopping, ironing, put the bins out, run the finances, do all the buthousehold admin, book the holidays, look after the horses. And I am pregnant. I did have help but as he is currently not working he felt uncomfortable with other people in the house so they went. To be fair I don't drive so he does drive me around evenings and weekends but that is it really. A wife would be nice!

What does your DH do all day?!

Catgirl1976 - unless your husband is not working due to some illness, why don't you kick him up the arse and get him helping? You're not allowed a cleaner but he won't do it?! Am I missing something?
I'm pregnant and my oh already looks after me and cooks/does laundry/cleans, even after a hard days work. He's not just well trained (or scared!), we're partners.

tamzin little harsh. I wasn't complaining - just making a light hearted comment on how much I do and how a wife would be nice. If I had a problem with it I would change it. He is drop dead gorgeous and good in bed so its not all bad news.

I know, when I finish my 12 hr shift, I go home, cook a meal, doing packed lunches , sort uniforms out.
My male colleague goes home to tea on the table and feet up.

Who says we can't have it all eh?

Although come about 7 months pregnant I am putting my foot down on the cleaner

I remember being astonished when a male colleague sloped off early one day. His reason? His wife was away and he needed to pick the kids up from after school club and then find time to cook tea, supervise homework, get uniforms ready for morning and do bedtime! Needless to say he didn't really get the sympathy vote from me, staying till the usual time despite having all the above to do every day, especially given that his wife also works full time so presumably is expected to do it all usually. A whole evening away from the newspaper and telly, diddums.

catgirl I assumed your DH was disabled in some way...hence the reason I didn't comment.

Now I know he's not, I think he sounds like a control freak to not allow you to spend your wages getting someone to do the jobs he should be doing.

I do 25 hours and my husband does 40. I still do nowhere near as much work as the OP at home. I do childcare but it is not my responsibility to cook every night. When I married I joked to my husband I like to fuck,I dont cook He always seemed happy enough and he often comes in and cooks me something. As I have got older I have started cooking him something a couple of times a week but it will never happen every night.Set out what you do and dont do on marriage and then there wont be any of this.

catgirl, you have yourslf a cocklodger there

just as well he is good in bed, he is fuck-all use for anything else

what a mug you sound

you would be better putting your foot down on your partner's throat

catgirl
unless you generally enjoy being responsible for everything, he should be contributing unless he is ill. It's only decent. You must be knackered and you'll be more so when you have the baby! You're both role models for your child - what if s/he expects to have the same roles in her/his relationships?

AnyF
'a cocklodger'!

catgirl I'm actually jealous and I don't mind admitting it!

Hmm - well we have been together for 14 years, and it has only been the last 9 months he hasn't worked. We have a great relationship - he is funny, kind, loving and clever and yes he does fuck all around the house, but its 9 months out of work in 14 years, during what is as you may have noticed a pretty bad recession. Yes he should do stuff aorund the house, but he never has and if he was working you would see that as less of an issue. We just havent changed roles to fit his unemployed status.

If you all think I should bin off a relationship that has been bloody brilliant for 14 years while I am 5 months pregnant with the child we have for 2 years to get because he has taken some down time which I haven't complained about, then I am not 100% sure I am the mug.

catgirl - hopefully he will get a job again fairly quickly, but even when he does, why should it still be you doing everything? Where is the fairness in that?

WHy can't you get a cleaner?

catgirl, no the 'bin him' stuff is too much.

But surely you should lay down some ground rules. You are pregnant! He should at least be looking after you a bit. And cooking! And cleaning up after said cooking. Give him a list of chores, I would...

then why haven't you re-negotiated who does the shitwork in your relationship ?

down time ?

at your expense and I don't mean the money

catgirl - if you don't drive, then why doens't your dh do the shopping?

it's obviously beneath him

woman's work innit

I am putting my foot down on the cleaner. And I do, do far too much but you know when sometimes you just fall into a role and then it just becomes the norm? Whilst things aren't fair they do sort of work for us without causing too many probs. I expect that may change when the baby arrives though....... :)

The thing is (and I KNOW how sad this sounds) I like food shopping and I enjoy cooking. If he does clean, - its not my standards so I would rather do it myself than nag about how I would have wiped down the paintwork or whatever.

Also - he would be happy to live in tip. I am not and as its me that wants a clean house.....