OW = 19 years old (I was 26, he 35)
Found out on New Year's Eve
From a text
She sent to his phone
Whilst I was settling our son to sleep
Happened after I went back to work/studying full-time and he felt "neglected", despite me doing more hours than he was and picking up the slack at home as well
He'd been doing the whole gym thing for years but suddenly got very self-centred about it ie wouldn't shut up about just how "strong" he was
[yes, I would like to quip that a "strong" man doesn't decimate his family with a wholly avoidable dickstroke "incident"]
When I had an inkling months before and asked him, he looked calmly at me and lied
Pre-discovery, when I told him that I felt that things weren't working and we should separate for a while, he told me I couldn't love him or our family enough to try and work through things (all the while, knowing he'd fucked someone else)
Found out after we'd had a "family crisis" talk of how we were going to try and improve the situation at home, he'd been planning to (and eventually still went ahead to) shag her the following day
In a threesome
With one of her friends
Which he set up
In a hotel he booked
During his lunch hour at work
On discovery, he deleted all the texts from his phone because he was "embarrassed" by them (you would think he ought to have been more embarrassed about the fact he had been lying to his wife) but wanted us to try and make things work by being "open" with each other (how I'm supposed to trust his version of his events, I have no idea)
Since discovery, he has told me on a number of occasions that he felt that him shagging someone else wouldn't be that big a deal (yes, we'd had an open relationship - the key word being "open" ie ask first, don't lie, don't deceive)
Apparently, he has bankrolled me all these years, so I should keep my hands off his "assets" (if I'd known that I was being thought of as a prostitute, I would have had the temerity to have asked for more cash)
Trying to convince me to live in the family home as it is better for us "financially" (what would have been better for us financially would have been for him to think with his head, and not his dick, but hey ho)
BUT THE ABSOLUTE CHERRY ON THE CAKE
I believe it is best for my DS to remain in the family home
Problem is I can't have him full-time in the family home (hours I will be working mean that full-time residency is not an option)
A job-change at this moment in time is implausible (it would mean having to pay back thousands of pounds of fees paid by my firm AND having to find another graduate job that would pay anywhere close to what my firm will be paying - heh)
So, if we split now and reside in different homes
I lose my home
I lose residency of my DS
I end up financially up shit creek
Because of his actions
If I remain in the family home for the next 2 years (until we can easily afford separate residences)
I keep my home
I get to see more of my DS
I also get to live with the man who broke my heart
And have to look at him
Day after day
After day
For 2 years
All the while hating myself
Because he "wins"
Because we are "separated", he gets to fuck around
He gets to keep his home
He gets to keep his DS
He's financially better off at the end of it all
Bingo.
I am 6 months' post-discovery. Life is still not fair.