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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.. to be absolutely effing fuming that dh has been checking my emails remotely through his iphone?

47 replies

ChardonnayGirl2 · 28/06/2011 18:31

We have a family email account, the one that all main email goes to. Its dh's birthday this weekend - a big one. I have ordered from a party supplies firm some odds and sods for the party - plus a massive banner to hang from the house.

I checked my emails today and several of them were unopened, but in a paler shade of grey IFYKWIM ?

As well as the party one he has opened one from 'Paul', which is a request to go to a reunion from Friends Reunited - I dont even know this guy! Hmm

I'm really pissed off. By snooping he has ruined a surprise for his birthday, and more importantly, doubted my trustworthyness (!) by reading a totally innocent email from this bloke who I dont even remember.

He is out tonight so I cant discuss it. I am so pissed off with him, its probably a good thing....

OP posts:
icooksocks · 28/06/2011 18:32

Are you absolutely sure he's been checking your emails?????

Portofino · 28/06/2011 18:33

If it is a family account, why should he not check it? I access our family account via my phone. If I wanted to do something secretly I have a gmail account that dh doesn't see.

Vicky2011 · 28/06/2011 18:33

YABU - to expect privacy when you share an email account. Get Gmail or something then its a much bigger deal to read someone else's email. I can quite see how this could have happened over a shared email account

LaurieFairyCake · 28/06/2011 18:34

But you don't even know why yet Confused - is there trust problems between you?

No man is going to notice party balloon stuff and link it to him (my dh wouldn't notice if a giant parcel arrived with Party Stuff in giant letters on it)

thisisyesterday · 28/06/2011 18:34

wtf

you have a family e-mail account and you are annoyed that he has looked in it??

of course you're being unreasonable! why on earth would you order anything using an account he has access to?

if you want a private account then open one... he has just as much right to look at e-mails in the "family" account as anyone else

FaffTastic · 28/06/2011 18:34

At this stage YABU. How do you even know he's read them or accessed them remotely. You could be jumping to totally the wrong conclusion.

If you are right and he has then, YANBU

thisisyesterday · 28/06/2011 18:35

how is he "snooping" if it is his OWN e-mail account>

really, you're bonkers

WidowWadman · 28/06/2011 18:36

If you were planninmg a surprise you're an idiot to use the family account for this. Don't even understand why you would have one in the first place.

Original poster
ChardonnayGirl2 · 28/06/2011 18:36

Its historically a 'family' account, but he never uses it, he's got his own, so has no need to check 'mine'. Plus, if he saw an email from a party company 3 days before his 40th I would like to think he'd just ignore it, knowing that its probably something to do with his party Sad

OP posts:
FaffTastic · 28/06/2011 18:36

To add to my above post you are only not unreasonable if it was your private account that he accessed not the shared one. Still think you're jumping to conclusions though based on your OP

AttillaTheMum · 28/06/2011 18:36

I think YABU. It is a family account.

If you posted that your DH was fuming about you checking his emails I think he would get short shrift.

thisisyesterday · 28/06/2011 18:37

well i would suggest you get your own e-mail account now then.

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 28/06/2011 18:37

But he wasn't snooping if it's a family, ie, shared, email account. Why would he not check it on his iPhone? If he chooses to spoil his own surprise then so be it.

The obvious answer is to get your own email address. But tbh if I was him, And I'd seen the email from "Paul" that you will deny all knowledge of, and then you open your own account, I would be very suspicious.

YABU.

squeakytoy · 28/06/2011 18:38

it is not YOUR email account, it is a "family" account... so you are being rather OTT... get your own private account and use that..

How would he know the email from "paul" was specifically for you until he opened it? It could have been for anyone in the family if this is a joint account..

FaffTastic · 28/06/2011 18:38

Just realised it was the family account he accessed. You are being totally out of order and should have used your private email. Plus you don't know that he actually read them yet. YABVVVVU

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 28/06/2011 18:39

Get your own email account if you want privacy!

eurochick · 28/06/2011 18:41

YABU. It was a shared account.

JamieAgain · 28/06/2011 18:42

We've got separate gmail accounts but both check each others. If I want to hide anything I just put it into the Junk Mail folder where no-one looks. I don't think either of us feels the need for privacy.

Original poster
ChardonnayGirl2 · 28/06/2011 18:43

This is my own email account!! (bangs head)!! It was set up with the service provider when we got email, then as because I got so much 'crap' sent to it, fb notifications etc , he got his own account, has had for 3+ years.

He has no need to check it anymore than I have to check his - and I'm not going to open up an email account to order a few paper plates if I think he's not going to check the account, because he hasnt for the last 3 years!

OP posts:
Original poster
ChardonnayGirl2 · 28/06/2011 18:45

oh and the message said 'ChardonnayGirl - you have a message from Paul, so he would have known it was for me.'

Perhaps I should have explained that this is effectively my account and he has his own in the OP....

OP posts:
shineoncrazydiam0nd · 28/06/2011 18:51

I think I'd scrap this 'family' email and just get one of your own. Takes ten seconds to set up. I'm not sure you can blame him too much - he obviously has free access to it.

I wouldn't like someone reading my emails though- would be a massive no no from me. but then, I make sure that no one has my password.

Jellykat · 28/06/2011 19:02

I can see why you're peed off Chardonnay - but why after 3 years is he suddenly checking the account?.. surely that's the crux of the matter.

Rockerchic · 28/06/2011 19:02

I read threads like this and I think how grateful I am to have a DP that doesn't do this.

InTheNightKitchen · 28/06/2011 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

creamola · 28/06/2011 19:21

I don't fully understand 'family e-mails' (never had one) but if he has access to the email surely he can't be snoopy?

Don't let something that is potentially innocent spoil his birthday.

Maybe he is reverting to a childlike stance and peaking for clues to see what you are planning for his big day?