.. to be absolutely effing fuming that dh has been checking my emails remotely through his iphone?

[ChardonnayGirl2]

We have a family email account, the one that all main email goes to. Its dh's birthday this weekend - a big one. I have ordered from a party supplies firm some odds and sods for the party - plus a massive banner to hang from the house.

I checked my emails today and several of them were unopened, but in a paler shade of grey IFYKWIM ?

As well as the party one he has opened one from 'Paul', which is a request to go to a reunion from Friends Reunited - I dont even know this guy!

I'm really pissed off. By snooping he has ruined a surprise for his birthday, and more importantly, doubted my trustworthyness (!) by reading a totally innocent email from this bloke who I dont even remember.

He is out tonight so I cant discuss it. I am so pissed off with him, its probably a good thing....

If it's your account why call it 'the family email account'?

Is it yours or is it the family's? If it's yours, you've learned a valuable lesson and should change the password.

Better yet, sign yourself up for a private, free email through Gmail or Hotmail.

Jellykat - my point exactly. We trust each other, we have total transparency - hence me not having changed to a separate email account - there is simply no need, nothing to hide and no need to check each others accounts!

ooops , that would be snooping, not snoopy.

Obviously your husband is not snoopy (although that would be cool)

So do you think actually he doesn't trust you because he read the one from "Paul"?

Tee, that was a slip of the tongue - its what we call it - due to it having started off being the family's account before he got his own, old habits etc - I can totally see how it has confused matters in this discussion though!

I consider it snooping as although he has access to it, he hasnt (to my knowledge) used it for about 3 years..

JA - I dont know - it just seems really odd that out of 60 odd emails the two he opened were the one from the party company and the one from Paul.

Never share an email account. Not because you wish to lead a secret life but because emails, like letters, should only be read by the person they are intended for. If someone else has got access to your mailbox then you can't really get pissed off if they exercise their ability to read what is in it.

Exactly - why has he doubted you by reading that email? Has he said something?

My dh gets emails from his old P&O crew mates inviting him to all sorts. Some of them are even WOMEN . I read them with impunity . Not because I don't trust him, but because I am building up in my imagination a network of people whom we can impose upon when we do our grand tour of Australia in the future (as they all seem to have moved there).

There must be more to it than this....

Is he posing as Paul?

Yeah, but if the rest of the emails were anything like my inbox: new organised mum products, amazon, job offers, brownies, bank statements etc - the PARTY and MEET UP WITH PAUL are going to stand out like a sore thumb. They'd be the one's I'd look at too. And I fully trust dh.

He probably jyst wanted a sneak peek at any party plans and having your email details made it easy. I wouldnt presume he was sinisterly snooping on the basis of this. If he wants to ruin his suprise its on him. Change your password or start a new account.

Chardonnay,
You have every right to be pissed off. My DH set up a family account which I have refused to use. Not because I am doing anything wrong but because I like a bit of privacy. I am an individual as well as a family member and I like to have things to myself sometimes.

Anyway, DH set up the family account and he and the children were going to use it. I made it clear that I would not be using it, not wanting to change email address, privacy etc. But he went ahead and told some of my friends that I had changed email address and gave them the "family" one. I didn't know this until a friend said "You never reply to my emails." I was fuming!

YANBU

Really nice to hear from someone with a shared email account, who is not a gangster or terrorist. Really useful for them as you communicate through the "drafts" which are never sent as emails so can't be spied on. Unless that is what OPs big surprise party is all about.

OP, trust or no trust... (only you know whether this is actually an issue in your wider relationship together) but time to change the password and not tell "the family".

That's clever, trukkin. It's amazing what criminal tips & tricks you can pick up on mumsnet!

Ridiculous. It's a shared account! DH and I have a shared one - I needed a gmail account for something, but when I set it up DH didn't have email so I said we may as well share it - it has our surname so it's good for job-hunting etc. He then got his own one when he got a blackberry, but we still share the gmail. I check the gmail more often as it comes through to my phone, along with my hotmail (which I'd use for something I didn't want him to see like a birthday surprise)

It's so easy to set up a free email account I don't understand why anyone would share a joint email account.

If there is a joint account I don't think you can complain about him using it, but I can foresee there might be a bit of trouble if you suddenly set up a private email account just after an email from a mystery male. Awkward

But if Chardonnays DH was suddenly snooping (after 3 years of not) because he's suspicious, insecure etc.. surely changing the password now,is going to look even worse, i.e that she HAS got something to hide?

I think you need to have a calm discussion with him Chardonnay, and get to the bottom of it..

Right. he has called and I have asked him about it.

He did check the emails on 'my' account as he had ordered some sunglasses online, and for some reason it wouldnt accept his email a/c

He denies opening the mysterious email from Paul though...

The only thing I can think is that I have an old school friend called paul on fb, who is always liking or commenting on my status'

Maybe he thinks there is something more to that?

Ach, I've calmed down now and can accept I overreacted - I just have worked so hard to give him a lovely birthday and felt put out that he was deliberately checking up on me. oh and I am a tad hormonal

That's good.. i reckon once there checking for a sunglasses dispatch email - i would've taken a teeny peek at Paul too ('cos i'm nosey)

Here, have a

accepted with gratitude!

I think that if you wanted this kept a secret, you'd have been better to have had the messages sent to an email account he didn't have access too. Of course if he sees a message from someone he knows and you don't he'd read it! Why would he think it was a private message for you?