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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be livid at my mother for bringing over a chocolate cake when she knows I've just started a diet?

53 replies

MeantToStopAtTwo · 27/06/2011 21:37

I am now on day 3 of a diet, having had a big clear-out of anything naughty and tempting from the kitchen.

Once I start a diet, I need to get properly into it and follow it 100% for a while before I can allow myself to bend the rules a little. Otherwise I just end up going on a binge and letting the whole thing go. (If that makes any sense?).

She knows this full well and yet somehow she felt it OK to show up this afternoon with a ginormous chocolate cake. I could have killed her! As if this wasn't already hard enough.

OP posts:

tazmin · 27/06/2011 21:39

is she shovelling it in your mouth as well

Rockerchic · 27/06/2011 21:39

A bit of cake won't hurt you

DooinMeCleanin · 27/06/2011 21:40

YANBU. I feel your pain. DH does this to me. Just after lovely healthy supper tonight he declares "There are cupcakes in the cuboard for you"

They're lemon and I don't like them, but that's not the point. It is the intention behind it.

joric · 27/06/2011 21:43

YANBU - my thoughtful mum offers my DH alcohol at every opportunity despite his efforts to cut down after realising he was drinking too much during the week.. They can't hep themselves!!!

joric · 27/06/2011 21:45

MsTeak · 27/06/2011 21:45

don't eat any?

HeidiKat · 27/06/2011 21:45

Send it this way if it needs a good home .

I know what you mean though, I do the big junk food clear out when going on a diet as I have little willpower when its just sitting there begging to be eaten, if she knows you are on a diet then that was a bit thoughtless.

TheNoodlesIncident · 27/06/2011 21:46

YANBU. My MIL used to do this - always buying huge cakes and then looking hurt when you refuse any, saying woefully, "Well, I can't eat it all myself can I?" But she knew I was on a diet, I specifically told her to avoid her buying more cake!

She bought it, her problem how get rid of it. Thing was, she could never stick to a diet long herself to lose any weight, and doesn't seem to like that I have more willpower. Something like that....

Good luck with sticking to your diet. 'Tis hard but worth it.

skybluepearl · 27/06/2011 21:46

i wonder if she is trying to sabotage your efforts?

backwardpossom · 27/06/2011 21:46

Send it to me if you like

smellyeli · 27/06/2011 21:47

She is a diet saboteur! I know lots of them!
Interestingly, is she thin? IME, my diet saboteurs have been my thin friends. One of the worst was what I would define as a 'feeder' - she was eating disordered herself (this is a long time ago, btw) but used to spend a lot of time baking cakes and watching other people eat them..... Other peoples saboteurs though are larger friends who feel jealous that the dieter is taking some kind of control of things.

Not saying your Mum is eating disordered! Just that she probably associates food with love and rewards and treats and all the things that you're trying to break away from. Maybe you need to tell her that it was not helpful? Can you take it into work or give it away? Although a bit of cake won't hurt you, it sounds like you're pretty committed to losing weight and probably need to get rid of all temptation!

quirrelquarrel · 27/06/2011 21:55

Well, do you really need to follow it properly or do you just tell yourself that? Seems pretty precarious if you can't just set off as you mean to go on.

When I did Lent my dad used to buy lots of fancy biscuits and chocolate that we never had usually. Made everything more interesting! It's normal. Tests you a bit, builds up your resistance so it's easier to say "no" the next time. YABU.

sprinkles77 · 27/06/2011 22:11

YANBU. Wait till she's gone and take it to a neighbuor, or throw it away. She need never know. I don't have stuff like that in the house for the same reason. I'm not on a diet but it is the only way to manage my disordered eating. I know that this is a waste, but no more so than shoving it down your throat and then feeling rubbish about it.

CheshireDing · 27/06/2011 22:23

My MIL did this a few times and it really pissed me off, why do two people, DH and I need two tins of family size quality street hanging around the house FFs?

On that, the last time she had to take them back home with her, whilst moaning asking what she was going to do with them. Tough tit I thought you shouldn't buy all the chocolate for two people it's idiotic.

Either send it back with her or throw it in the bin, it's not wasted just because you didn't eat something you didn't want.

Or, as said earlier she is a feeder :)

jennypenney · 28/06/2011 10:40

"A bit of cake won't hurt you" - well, no, it won't, but if you're the sort of person who has a bit of cake and then thinks "fuck it, I may as well eat the rest now", that's not a very helpful comment. Some people (probably the kind of people who weigh 7 stone and occasionally forget to have dinner) can nibble on half a mars bar and then decide leave the rest in the fridge for two days, and other people (like me) just can't, but if it's not in the house to start with, it's a lot easier to resist, and I bet that's true for the OP too.

Also, you wouldn't say that to an alcoholic, would you? "One glass won't hurt". I'm not for a minute suggesting that being addicted to sugary junk food is as serious as being addicted to alcohol or heroin, but the problem with food is that you can't go cold turkey. Mmm. Turkey.

The real issue here is that OP told her mum she was on a diet. Then her mum came round with a massive chocolate cake. How is that in any way helpful or supportive? I agree with smellyeli, she sounds like a proper saboteur. She wants to keep you in your "tubby daughter" (no offence) pigeonhole, so she can stay in the "who is the fairest of them all?" pigeonhole.

Good luck with your diet :)

QueenKate · 28/06/2011 10:52

YABU to be "livid". Mildly annoyed would be an acceptable response, but livid?!
Reiterate that you're on a diet, ask her not to do it again, remove the cake from your house if need be.

worraliberty · 28/06/2011 10:57

Are you the only person in the house?

Perhaps she had the kids in mind when she brought it round?

mum23girlys · 28/06/2011 10:59

My mil does this. It's a nightmare but the only thing you can do is be positive and motivated about losing weight and the minute she leaves throw it in the bin. Have to do this pretty regular in our house. I send stuff to work with dh a lot too. So hard to resist things if they're in house and winking at you so to speak.

When we go to hers as well she is constantly offering junk and trying to feed us up. Drives me mad as I've worked really hard to lose baby weight and finally got to my weight watchers goal 2 weeks ago despite her. Just keep your skinny goals in mind and don't succumb to the cake

Good luck and sending positive diet vibes. You can do it!

startail · 28/06/2011 11:00

I would never be livid if my Mum appeared with chocolate cake. She makes some of the best in the world . If I was on a diet the rest of the family might get fractionally bigger bits, but diets can always wait- choc cake dries out.

ObiWan · 28/06/2011 11:09

Is your entire household opposed to eating chocolate cake?
Our house is always full of cakes, crisps etc.

They are hardly a necessary part of anyones diet, but they are nice to have around for those who want them. Anyone on a health eating kick can just ignore them.
You will never lose weight long term if you can't get past having a cake in the house .

What if you go for a coffe and whoever you're with orders a huge slice of cake, will you fume?
Most people don't take much notice of other peoples eating/dieting habits. If your mother is a chocolate cake kind of person, make the most of it. Have a small piece and share/freeze the rest.

Insomnia11 · 28/06/2011 11:11

Just have a small piece, or save it for when you are hungry or really feel like it. You are allowed cake. The important thing in controlling weight is being rational about food- nothing is not allowed, you just have less of some things than others. And if you don't have the cake, what's the worst that could happen? You don't have cake- how will you feel about that? Is it the end of the world?

porcamiseria · 28/06/2011 11:16

what a bitch

Awomancalledhorse · 28/06/2011 11:21

OP, not having a go or anything but you say 'Once I start a diet', obviously I've got no idea of your personal circumstances or why you've dieted before.
But I know the best way to succeed at 'dieting' is not to diet, but change the way you eat/view food, eat less move more & all that stuff.
Diets fail because people deny themselves stuff, you should be allowed to have a slice of cake if you like cake.

towardsZero · 28/06/2011 11:27

hmm - there is cake and stuff in the house for DH and DC though smaller amount than my pre-diet but I am one of those people who can not have just one piece of cake. It triggers something in me if fact alot if the fat free yoghurt my diet group kept directing me often fruit sweeten set me off and I hunt round the house and often end up eating cake decorating stuff - which is not normal or what I really want to be doing.

A lot of people do not 'get' this. So YANBU especially if it comes with pressure to try some - something else I find people do a lot of.

bessie26 · 28/06/2011 11:33

YANBU it's a bit mean of her to put temptation so obviously in your way!

Cut yourself a small slice, put the rest in the bin. Go for long walk/swim. Come home & enjoy guilt free cake

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