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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of people saying drug addicts should abort?

162 replies

SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 11:00

I realise I will probably get flamed for posting this here.

In the past 12 hours I have seen a comment from someone on here saying drug addicts should abort and then logged into Facebook just there to find another comment from someone saying ".I would only hope that disgusting junkies/alcoholics/abusers and the like abort when they fall pregnant."

My Mother was a drug addict and this really makes me upset every time I see comments like this. They are basically saying me and my Brother should have been aborted. :(

I know I am probably being unreasonable about this, but it really does upset me and I think some people should think before posting comments like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 14:13

Just logged back on and so many posts!

Thank you to the people who have said IANBU.

RobF I'm sorry for outing, but you are one of the reasons I started this thread. I seen your comment on another thread about how drug addicts should have abortions and I asked you if I then should have been aborted?

I'm pretty sure you didn't give me an answer.

OP posts:
crazynanna · 26/06/2011 14:16

SchrodingersMew seems from his earlier post,Rob would preceed the pregnancy/abortion stage and go straight to sterilising addicts in return for (fix) money Hmm

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 14:20

But then what happens if that addict recovers and then wants children?

That would be taking away a basic human right! I did agree with contraception until they get clean but then contraception also does fail.

OP posts:
Crossssssshairs · 26/06/2011 14:22

I thought she only did addicts who already had children. (Not saying its right)

Tubal ligation reversal?

Pumpernickel10 · 26/06/2011 14:37

That's my view mews addicts can change and get clean and lead normal life, I think an implant or a contraceptive injection should be given but whoever said sterilisation needs shooting, not every addict will be an addict for life.

RobF · 26/06/2011 14:42

It's unfair for someone to ask if they should have been aborted. You could say that about any number of kids that were born prior to abortion being legalised. The fact of the matter is, abortion makes the world a better place. Less unwanted children leads to lower crime and a happier society.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 14:44

"The fact of the matter is, abortion makes the world a better place." Shock

And I can't see asking if someone should be aborted is any more unfair than saying that someone should abort!

OP posts:
TrilllianAstra · 26/06/2011 14:46

"The fact of the matter is, abortion makes the world a better place."

I agree. A world with safe legal abortion is better than a world without.

TrilllianAstra · 26/06/2011 14:47

"asking if someone should be aborted"

The way I see it, anything that could potentially be aborted is a something not a someone.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 14:51

Trillian It is still possible to abort to what? 24 weeks? At that point in some cases the fetus is viable. I would maybe agree in early abortion but not later.

And I asked because I could have been aborted, I am now a someone, not a something and wouldn't be here if everyone backed up the argument that addicts should have abortions.

And for the record, I do not think abortion should be made illegal, but actually saying abortion itself (Rob did not say safe legal abortion) makes the world a better place seems a bit harsh.

OP posts:
Crossssssshairs · 26/06/2011 14:53

I thought he ment having the choice makes the world a better place.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 14:56

I guess having the choice does make the world a better place. But no one should ever be told they should terminate, regardless of circumstance.

The option is there for people who genuinely want it as an option, not to try and push people to.

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 26/06/2011 15:22

My mother was taking major psychiatric drugs and came off them when she became pregnant with me. Very laudable you might say, only it wasn't. She was, and still is, a selfish, evil hag who tried to overdose me on her drugs when I was about 4. I grew up in care and was neglected and abused. When I was returned to her at age 12, she started to abuse me.

I'd sooner she'd had an abortion than give birth to me. I've had a shit of a life and my health is suffering because of what happened.

Some people just shouldn't have kids.

crazynanna · 26/06/2011 15:25

hiddenhome Sad and Angry for you.
I bet you were really the best thing your mother ever did.

2old2beamum · 26/06/2011 17:53

Agree with hiddenhome We should look at the wider issue. Our beautiful adopted son was the 3rd child of a habitual drug user, her older 2 children were removed by SS. When she gave birth the baby he showed no signs of drug dependency so she was allowed to take him home. When he was 7 months old mother was found off this planet with heroine.....dear son nearly dead with pneumococcal meningitis.He is now deafblind C.P tube fed and has horrible epilepsy. THIS COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED.
hiddenhome you are the best thing your mum ever had. Good luck XX

missalien · 26/06/2011 18:44

Wow this is a thread. Another daughter of an addict here. As much as I am happy now I do wish I had never been born. The pain was just too great. I witnessed deaths of two step dads and was abused and neglected etc etc. My sister died last month of heroin overdose leaving two kids . It was not worth it.

QuintessentialShadow · 26/06/2011 18:50

OP, I think you are thinking in terms of whether YOU should have been aborted (which of course you shouldnt), whether the argument is whether in general drug addicts should be forced to abort, or force to use prevention.

I think somebody made an interesting point that if the kids of junkies were aborted, there would not be enough "adoption stock" for people who wanted to adopt "native" children....

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 19:01

Quint When I posted my OP, it wasn't really about 'should drug addicts be forced to abort', it was more being fed up of hearing people say that they should abort.
Hearing it over and over again has made me feel terrible and that's what prompted my OP.

I understand everyone is entitled to their opinion, but saying that if said to someone there who was a child of an addict is basically saying "your Mother should never have had you" IYSWIM?

It seems an opinion that is better left unsaid.

OP posts:
Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 19:02

However, it really has brought a tear to my eye seeing all the sad replies on this thread. :(

Maybe I was unfair posting this topic as it has obviously touched a nerve with a lot of people.

OP posts:
TangerineQueen · 26/06/2011 19:03

YANBU

Where do we draw that line? Who gets to say who can and can't reproduce?

I make bad choices sometimes. Eat too much chocolate, drink too much wine (not while pregnant though) . What about mothers who smoke? Mothers with mental health problems? Should they also abort? I don't agree with smoking in pregnancy but I don't agree with forcing abortion on everyone.

I have worked on SCBU and it is heartbreaking seeing babies on weaning programmes. I just don't think this is an issue we can police and I don't like where that road goes.

I think that good long acting reversible contraception should be available of course, but I hardly think we can enforce that, and I think the idea of having to prove you are clean before you can conceive is a bit ludicrous.

crazynanna · 26/06/2011 19:04

SchrodingersMew...I'm glad you started this thread.
I have never really written down what happened to me...it made a difference. Smile

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 26/06/2011 19:06

Crazy I am glad if it has helped. :)

I've found since I joined MN, I have written down a lot that I have never really told anyone before. It has helped immensely. It is actually amazing just what writing down a bit can do to your head.

OP posts:
hairfullofsnakes · 26/06/2011 19:22

Hiddenhome and missalien - reading your posts is extremely humbling x

missalien · 26/06/2011 20:10

Glad there is a post I can comment on! I'm no good at the private school bs home Ed threads ;-)

Al0uiseG · 26/06/2011 20:11

I have a brother who has been addicted to Heroin, he's clean now but still not "right". If he was to get some poor unfortunate girl pregnant I would be happy to pay her to abort the foetus as it would be left to my Mother and me to pick up the pieces for the rest of that childs life.