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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

dh wants dds dla to buy a car , i said no.

108 replies

droves · 25/06/2011 15:47

Aibu . Dd4 has dla payments because she has autism. Its put into her bank account for when she need something , its kept seperate from family money.

DH works part time, i gave up work to become dds full time carer. He keeps his wages to himself .
I get child tax credits, carers allowence , maintenence payments from ex for oldest 3 kids and child benefit payments. these are used to run the home and buy what the children need & want.
I cover all bills except council tax and maintenence payments to dh`s ex wife.

We had two cars . DH had a zafira , which was bought before i learned to drive , was 8 years old. Some of the cost of his zafira was covered by using dd`d dla, because we desperatly needed a car to take her to her special needs school.It was large enough to take the kids out together. He sold it last week for £2000... more than enough to buy a runabout for himself.

My car is a corsa (was £2500 when bought it), also 8 years old the car was bought because dh would not change the insurance on the zafira ,so i could drive it. I needed to be able to get dd to school , so i used some of her dla to buy it.

Dhs argument is that dla paid for my car , so he should be able to get some again for another car.

I said no , because hes already had some of dds money for his last car , which he got rid of because he said it was costing him tooo much money.Hes never paid back any of the money to dd that hes "borrowed".

My argument is that i got my car because dd needs to be taken to school ....he just wants a flashier car ,with a big engine, more than he can afford...and dd doesnt need a car that will just take her dad to work .

So aibu and mean ? or is dh being a twat.

OP posts:
Ben10isthespawnofthedevil · 26/06/2011 15:48

Agreed Bochead

pigletmania · 26/06/2011 17:42

I totally agree bochead

droves · 27/06/2011 15:50

Had a long serious talk to dh yesterday ... lots of points you have said about him being a waste of space ,were brought up .
About him not helping here and paying over the amount for his older kids.

Generally its last staw time.

So far hes agreed to everything ive said . Not getting money from me or dd .
Going for a cheaper car ,and savings as family emergency money , paying dd ack for what hes already borrowed ect.
Not getting blind drunk ,or going out so much , and putting more effort in with all the dc .

He actually offered to pay for a few bills as well !

Time will tell if this actually happens

OP posts:
Ben10isthespawnofthedevil · 27/06/2011 16:53

Well done Droves. Hopefully there will be some positive changes.

pigletmania · 27/06/2011 16:58

That's good make sure he keeps it up

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 27/06/2011 17:07

We have just bought a BMW 5 series estate car, in mint condition, second hand, somewhere over 10 years old, automatic - for under £2,000!!! It has leather upholstery, air con,big engine and rides like a dream.

I am only saying this to prove that he could get a really good car for the money he got for the zafira. You have to shop around a bit, and maybe travel to look at a car, but it's possible.

I'm glad your dh has listened to you, Droves, and is going to make a bit more of an effort.

statueofliberty · 27/06/2011 17:18

I admit to just scanning through your thread and this comment is only slightly in keeping of topic. I am a special needs school nurse and if your daughter is four+ in our area she is entitled to free nappies. Please enquire. Very sorry if high jacked thread a bit-as you were!!

droves · 28/06/2011 12:04

Hi Statueofliberty , thanks for your info ... we did look into getting nappies from nhs , and she was entitled to them according to the contience nurse that visited, but before we got delivery they changed the criteria in our area ...they never delivered , and i didnt bother chasing them up as we also recently moved.
DD4 is to join the Sn potty training group , thats run by the disability nurse when she turns 6 , so hopefully the nappy will go !!!!

So far as dh goes , hes been lovely the last few days . He was actually speaking to me asking me what car i thought would be best fit for dd4s carseat, and hes been talking about budgets and saving money !!!!
Who is this man ? ShockGrin

He even had dd4 out driving about last night , trying to get her to fall asleep ...melatonin doesnt work that great for her anymore and she was giving it yeaa-ha last night !

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