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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to know what I've done to upset the playgroup mafia?

37 replies

BornSicky · 23/06/2011 13:23

Been attending my local playgroup for a while now and there's obviously the usual cliques or friendship groups that you recognise, ignore, or become part of.

I like to think I'm quite easygoing, and talk to everyone a little bit. However there's one group of mums who haver never spoken to me, have walked or turned away if I'm about and now are going so far as to be rude and snipey when I am in earshot.

They are the biggest group of mums there and often the ones who stand around take over the kitchen/drinks area for the whole session. I don't think I'm the only one that finds them a little intimidating.

I have no idea what I've done to offend and am too shy a bit of a chicken to go and ask outright.

So AIBU to want to know what's going on, and what should I do about it?

OP posts:
sunshineatlast · 23/06/2011 13:25

Need more info. Give an example of rude and snipey?

GypsyMoth · 23/06/2011 13:25

they are jealous of you?

WhipMeIndiana · 23/06/2011 13:26

hate mean mums

beatrixkitto · 23/06/2011 13:27

Just ignore them right back or alternatively be overly polite and friendly. That usually makes em feel really silly.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 23/06/2011 13:27

YANBU to be a bit miffed but seriously - dont do anything about it - it's their problem, not yours.

I have learned the hard way re playground mums..........they dont like me particularly and a lot of it stems from jealousy I am sure. I drop DS off at school and as I am on my way to work I am nicely dressed, made up etc etc. I have had snidy comments such as "oh, we wish we had time to do ourselves up in the mornings" etc etc.......as they stand there in their tracksuits with hair like worzel gummidge Hmm

It used to upset me, now (year 4) I couldnt give a toss - I get there just in time to collect DS and then on our merry way we go.....and that really is the best way!

VelvetSnow · 23/06/2011 13:27

Have you slept with any of their husbands? Are you prettier than them?

You're going to sleep with all their husbands aren't you Grin

They sound like a bunch of knobbers - steer clear of them

FunnysInTheGarden · 23/06/2011 13:28

God, playgroups...........Try a different one where the nice people go? I used to hate going to playgroups with DS1, all those little cliques and never feeling like I belonged.

I found on or two nice groups, but on the whole they were hell on earth..........

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 23/06/2011 13:29

I'm sure you've done nothing. Some people are like this.

Be friendly at them, it'll drive them crazy Grin

Is there anyone else who seems slighly on the outside of things? Perhaps work on developing a friendship there.

AdiVic · 23/06/2011 13:36

I've come across some silly mothers like this. I'm quite confident, easygoing etc, but some women are just bl*dy rude. When I returned to work (i needed to more than wanted to) I had a similar comment to bettyswallocks re managing to get myself dolled up in the mornings! I think wome like this are perhaps jealous. The women in your group need to get a bl*dy job/hobby or something! If i were you I would pal up with the others, and ignore the prissy so and so's. It sounds like you are a more sensitive, polite and generally quite a nice girl, so I'm sure you are a better mum, setting a good example:) Dont' fret x

Original poster
BornSicky · 23/06/2011 13:37

rude?

i go and make tea for a few people, one of them comes in the kitchen and then starts making tea for themselves. they move all the tea/coffee/mugs etc i'd prepared out of the way, make their own and walk away. all done with maximum harrumphing and fussing.

they weren't around when i offered to make the tea, and the general practice is that you make your own and maybe make a cup for anyone with a little baby.

everyone else is rather nice and friendly. just this bunch.

OP posts:
WhipMeIndiana · 23/06/2011 13:38

agree. I always befriend the fellow loners Grin then we go on to have more fun than the cliques.

missorinoco · 23/06/2011 13:41

YANBU for wanting to know why, but it's not worth the effort to find out. Unless you want to make more friends, specifically from this group, ignore it and move on. You're never going to please everyone, and if you haven't slept with their husbands or fed Fruit Shoots to their DC it's more likely to be their agenda than yours.

Original poster
BornSicky · 23/06/2011 13:45

the little red devil on my shoulder is wondering about carefully planned wind ups, such as the suggested being overly nice all the time...Grin

velvetsnow not slept with any of their husbands. am definitely not prettier and look very much like a bedraggled mess.

it's such a PITA. I hadn't realised that schoolyard politics extended to the flipping adults as well.

I've probably just got "kick me" stuck on my back... always was one of those types at school. this is a weird regression isn't it?

OP posts:
Omigawd · 23/06/2011 15:24

Listen to your Red Devil a bit :)

There seem to be cliques in everything, but at least this way it will keep you entertained.

SinicalSal · 23/06/2011 15:28

Hmm just a thought but is your child well behaved with the other children?
It may have originated from some silly not-well-dealt-with spat between the kids.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 23/06/2011 15:28

Hate to disillusion you but it all starts again now just on the other side of the playground fence.

Rise above it... if you act like it's not annoying you, then you can start to snigger at the behaviourand come and tell us laterGrin

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/06/2011 15:36

What you've done wrong is....... you're not intimidated!!! You're not being obsequious, crawling at their feet, craving their indulgence. Carry on as you are. Their problem entirely.

Original poster
BornSicky · 23/06/2011 15:46

CogitoErgoSometimes i love the word obsequious. never enough good opportunities to use it!

right, am going to have to hatch a series of very Mumsnetty style plots to covertly upset the applecart.

SinicalSal i'm not quite sure my 5 month old could take any of their toddlers in a fight, but i'd be rather proud of him if he has when i've not been looking!

OP posts:
charliejosh · 23/06/2011 15:52

YANBU but rise above it

The mums at ds's school are vile, I have nicknamed them 'the hunter welly gang' as they are always gilet and well clad with 3 wheeler buggies and kids called tarquin and 5 cocker spaniels and a rangerover

They used to upset me until one day mum mum said to me 'what they have got is a husband, whereas you have got a career'

I look at them completely differently now

charliejosh · 23/06/2011 15:52

menat to say gilet and welly clad ooops

DoMeDon · 23/06/2011 15:58

I heart your mum charlie Grin

Maybe you're too rough to be in the cool club seeing as you're all bedraggled Wink

They just sound like the silly bullies from school. Ignore them, they will HATE that above all else!

charliejosh · 23/06/2011 16:03

DoMeDon, she is very good at putting things in to perspective and bringing people down with one remark - wish I had that skill!

EldritchCleavage · 23/06/2011 16:53

You haven't done anything to offend. They're just a group of people who define themselves/feel powerful/entertain themselves/make sure they're not the bullied one/whatever by randomly excluding others from the group.

The more effort anyone makes, the more validation and satisfaction they get from the tactic. So being resolutely unbothered is probably the way to go.

drivemecrazy63 · 23/06/2011 17:02

I hated them too yes wow if your face doesnt fit they treated you terribly , nothing you can do not your fault hold your breath till you get to first school no guarantee it will be different though but at least more mums to speak to

Original poster
BornSicky · 23/06/2011 17:18

I think you all might be right!

I'm not trendy enough to play with them! Geek for life!

CharlieJosh can I borrow your mum or her wit for a day please?

I might develop pointy, clumsy elbows...

OP posts:
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