to want to know what I've done to upset the playgroup mafia?

[BornSicky]

Been attending my local playgroup for a while now and there's obviously the usual cliques or friendship groups that you recognise, ignore, or become part of.

I like to think I'm quite easygoing, and talk to everyone a little bit. However there's one group of mums who haver never spoken to me, have walked or turned away if I'm about and now are going so far as to be rude and snipey when I am in earshot.

They are the biggest group of mums there and often the ones who stand around take over the kitchen/drinks area for the whole session. I don't think I'm the only one that finds them a little intimidating.

I have no idea what I've done to offend and am too shy a bit of a chicken to go and ask outright.

So AIBU to want to know what's going on, and what should I do about it?

this is really the worst side of human nature , and theres alot of it around , excluding someone from a group makes the members left feel exclusive , but only if it visably upsets the excluded party, it's really playground stuff, but the people in the clique who are 'just' included will play along for fear of being the next one to be excluded.
thing to do is not to pretend you dont care , but actually NOT care , find some other freinds who are simply nice people and dont live in fear of the group policics . that will pull the rug from under their feet they cant fight that.
good luck!

Rise above it.

Wait till you get to the school gates! LOL

Just playing devil's advocate here a bit but ... what if you really do just want to chat with a particular group of friend's sometimes? I have two good friends and our children do swimming together and we almost exclusively sit together and chat during the class - it is the only time we are able to see each other and really look forward to it. It isn't always about excluding others iyswim. Having said that, it sounds from the OP's post that what we are talking about here is pretty catty stuff.

Also (obviously feeling contrary this afternoon!), if your attitude is "you've just got a husband" then you aren't going to make many friends either - or at least only with one particular type of person.

They might all be total bitches and who have decided that for whatever reason you cannot be in their gang.

On the otherhand they may be a group of random woman thrown together at playgroup who for whatever reason (mums in hospital, husband is shagging the secretary or the far more mundane have to do the supermarket shop, collect jonny from nursery and get polly to her after school club before getting the twins milly and billy to finish their homeowrk assignment) can't see much further than the end of their nose.

Over the years I have come to realise that the image I seem to portray is nothing like the reality. Just today someone commented that I always look lovely and serene when she sees me with the DC's - I have had a sweat on since the minute I woke up trying to juggle the day.

I honestly wouldn't read to much into it.

I tend to find some mums at groups/ school gates have a massive sense of entitlement/ ownership. If they don't like change or others joining it is their problem. Try to spend your time with the nicer mums.

Yes I thought that "you've got a husband" comment was a bit off as well stillstanding. They may well work, but not in a 9-5 job, or do voluntary work, or sit at home filing their nails- what does it matter? It doesn't make you better than anyone else whether you have a Career or not. People make all kinds of choices for all kinds of reasons.

Sneering works in reverse too you know.

I think most people acting cliquey don't honestly realise they are doing it. It's much easier to chat to people you are familiar with than strangers or slight acquaintances. Also as someone else said sometimes people already know each other when they go to these groups and it's a chance to catch up when they see one another.

I don't ever feel the desperate need to be included in a group, personally. I'll happily sit and stare into space drinking tea on my own , or talk to people if the opportunity arises.

Sounds like the bf group I went to. There was a big group of mums who had been there quite a few months and they were literally horrid to me and another girl who turned up. Luckily another batch of new Mums turned up in the weeks following and we had our own clique - one that was friendly to everyone that turned up.
They were just a bunch of complete bitches. I'm sure they'd driven away other newcomers as they was a huge gap between the age of their babies and ours.
Try and find another nice normal person and stick together - normal mums will gravitate towards you.

I agree with Queenof denial - are you sure you're not reading too much into it? I know that a lot of mums are just so knackered and stressed they really cannot be bothered to chat to new people - not that it's an excuse to be rude - i'm just saying they may be rude but it's not a PERSONAL attack.

i don't think i am reading too much into it. initially, i did think i was being sensitive, but it's pretty clear that they are being off with me, or playing some petty game.

Maybe, i just don't know the rules of being a mum at a playgroup... too friendly, not friendly enough etc... really not sure.

and stillstanding, insomnia - totally get that point. I probably have overlooked or not included someone in the past, but as I've always been a bit of an outsider, I've tried to make more effort, especially when I see someone who clearly feels as lost as i do sometimes.

i seem to waiver between thinking it's all funny and having a silly response, and genuinely feeling a bit hurt.

I think that's a very normal, human reaction, BornSicky.

I would suggest that you take the high road, treat others as you would hope to be treated and be friendly to the other mums who are not in the clique.

Incidentally in my experience groups in these circumstances normally "turn" on you when your child is behaving badly/bullying or something like that ... could there be anything in that?

Hope things get better for you soon! Horrible feeling being excluded ...

why would you even give them a second thought? people like this are invariably small-minded, insecure idiots who need the security of belonging to a bigger group and get their jollies from the sensation that they are better than some random individual for totally arbitrary reasons. Asking them what you've done wrong or in any way acknowledging their behaviour will simply fuel their sense of their own importance. Just give them a wide berth and be as dismissive as you can of them without actually slipping into rudeness. I guarantee they will start being nicer to you. By which time you will know they are tossers.