to ask if you are ever ashamed of or feel guilty about your parenting and why?

[ellangirl]

As the title says really, what have you done/do you do that you feel terrible about? Does it change the way you do things?

'Non-shouters, how do you do it? When you've asked them 12 times already to please put their shoes on, then please please because we need to leave right now or mummy will be late for work yet again?'

Its easy really all you do is make everything a game, life is a game to kids so just think like them. Say I bet you can get our shoes on before daddy/you whoever then they race to do it. Or bet teddy can race to the door faster than you can, teddy can get down the street without wanting carrying etc. Keep things in your bag like a little figure or cuddly toy and talk in the voice of it. I do things like ' hello im the fastest I can get ready and to the door first' etc.

You just need to never be afraid to act like an idiot and dont take things to seriously. It works for me and I am out the house at 6.30-6.45 every morning with a 3 year old on foot for a mile.

Too much time on MN
Not enough time playing with kids
Guilt putting ds4 into nursery when he cries not to go in ( He does tell me he loves the girl who looks after him so I don't think he actually hates it there)
Being the crap Mum who forgets to put in the school trip money/self-addressed envelope/ permission slip.
Need I go on?

ilovedora27 my kids wouldn't fall for that sadly. I thnk some kids are more "biddable" for want of a better word

Constant guilt, really, but as a working mother, I think that's inevitable. I hate taking DD to nursery on mornings when she doesn't want to go, and I think "well, really she shouldn't HAVE to; she's only 3". I hate DS having so little of my time in the evenings before bed, and that my new job will mean he won't have me available after school to ferry him to one of his favourite activities. I feel guilty after shouting at them to hurry up in the mornings...

But the flip side is that my work means we can now plan for private school next year, and lots of other good things for the family. My weekends will be all about the children now, and my DH will have more time with them. So I guess despite the day-to-day guilt I know its all for the right reasons, and all good in the end...

yep,dont see older ds's enough-all left home.
Not enough time "playing" with dd 1 and 2.
Working so have to use childcare.
Shout sometimes.
Got divorced and saddled dd1 with a step dad who is lovely but she has ishooos with even tho it was ex dh who left me for ow when she was 8 months-there you go,guilt for still feeling angry with ex

Bandwitch -I think there are a range of different strategies that can make them comply and distraction is always the best one ime. It works when you have been in a job for years with children and you arent allowed to shout. You have to do things to make them do stuff or you just wouldnt be able to operate.

I occasionally feel guilty that I don't spring out of bed in the mornings all chirpy and happy to see my children. I really thought I would automatically become a 'morning person'.

As it is I'm still the same grouchy mare first thing in the morning and both my children (even ds2, who is only 3) know that if Daddy's still in, they go to him.

And yes, occasional guilt about not playing enough with ds2. But, ds1, who is 15, can't remember being played with (and I did. Oh how I did.) so I figure...meh. It'll be fine.

YES all the time.No time to elaborate but usually everyday I think I could've done something better, several times a day.

I feel guilty every day about something. If I've done well with 2 of the kids, something will have gone wrong with the other one, or I will feel that each of them hasn't had enough individual attention.

I feel guilty because I am inconsistent, but I am even inconsistent in my guilt- I feel guilty because I spend too much time tidying the house, so I leave the house to do things with the kids, then I feel guilty about the mess. I torture myself with guilt if I shout or get impatient, and nearly every night I go to sleep thinking 'I will be a nicer mum tomorrow'.

I feel especially guilty when I see a shouty mum in the supermarket, and I think 'I hope I don't look and sound as awful as that when I get cross.'

I am so fucked.

Careyhunt you are not alone in how you feel
Honey! X

LeQueen I still like ya!

Ds is only 18 months so I am new at all this still.
Generally, I'm a fairly patient sort of person but the other night, after two hours of him screaming blue murder in my face (overtired, we'd been travelling and there was a wedding and he was just beside himself with tiredness), I shouted at him to just quit it and go to sleep.

I never really shout, though I can be firm, and it was really not the time to start. I wasn't in control when I did it, and there is no excuse for that with tots. I felt like I slapped him. The look on his face was horrendous, like he just hadn't thought it could get any worse and then it had. Even worse, he just slumped down in the cot and lay down and sobbed.

It actually brings tears to my eyes. I didn't mean it, I've never done it before. I definitely felt ashamed.

Shouting is my one big parenting failure. Happily my DC seem to have grown so used to it they seem to have tuned it out, e.g. this evening when I was in full rant my DD came up to me and gave me a nice, casual cuddle, and just smiled at me as if I was bonkers, which I probably sound like I am.

I feel guilty about most things all the tine.

I think guilt is a useful prompt that you may be doing something you shouldn't. If you feel guilty, have a think about what you feel guilty about, discuss it with someone sensible, and if it's wrong, stop doing it.