to ask if you are ever ashamed of or feel guilty about your parenting and why?

[ellangirl]

As the title says really, what have you done/do you do that you feel terrible about? Does it change the way you do things?

Upahill - that was a brilliant response

I feel guilty for being impatient, but I am so happy that LeQueen said what she did in her post...I was not a patient person before, either, so what do I expect?! I feel guilty for the amount of TV DCs watch (they are 5 and 3.8), and that I hate going outside in the rain to get them away from the tv.

I have a friend (who is childless) who likes to tell me what a bad parent I am when she has been drinking.

Don't feel "guilty" that often, but feel bad about how I have handled things sometimes.

Actually, probably more so when they were younger - because you are more "in control" of them, whereas now they take alot more responsibility for themselves getting to and from school, for example/

Eeyore, she's no friend.

Mine hasn't even arrived yet and I feel guilty for not taking enough folic acids and vitamins because they give me nasty heartburn and not eating more fruit and veg and not drinking my quota of raspberry leaf tea.....

Glad to know from the above posts that this will continue and get worse for the next 18 years....mea culpa!

Guilt came as a shock to me - I felt guilty when DS1 was about 5 minutes old!

I feel I shout and am inconsistent - I shouted at bath time and felt horribly guilty.

I don't feel guilty for shouting as rarely do it and feel it has its place at times. I do think Shut the fuck up YAK when I'm still hollering 5 minutes later and can't remember why.

Actually I would say I feel a little guilt then, but realistically know DS has had to have been pretty damn awful for a period for me to get that far so probably didn't do any of us harm. Him to realise he's gone too far and me to let of steam. Always try and spend some time reading/playing board games with him after so he gets positive attention.

I think its about balance. People make mistakes - its how we learn. Its the learning and recognising and admitting our mistakes (even as the adult/parent) that makes us the good parents we are. And you only have to read MN to see that. People seeking and giving advice - means they want help/improvements or have been there.

Yes,I am feeling particularly guilty at the moment actually.

Not about parenting as such (this time) more how I am about to change the children's lives... when we come back to the UK next year.

There is always something

I shout and overreact much too much
I allow them to have their dinner in front of the tv most evenings
I spend far too long online

yep - too much TV, not having infinite energy and patience, not being stricter about teaching to read (although not too guilty about that actually as think hothousing can be very counter-productive). I do tend to explain to DD (now 4) that I am grumpy because I am tired and she seems ok with that.

Oh - and sleeping in to 7 while she is watching cbeebies - but that is only because I am pg!

And not making DD eat enough green veg..

actually, could make this list much longer....

Le queen ecellent post. That has really hit home with me. I think thats exactly why I always felt guilty. I have learnt though that even though I am that person I love DS and him me for who I am, so although I'm not who I wanted to be I'm still worth being his mum iyswim?

Can I just randomly say that I absolutely love your posting name BodyofEeyore. I always think fondly of you and have a little mental picture that lean-to house of sticks that blows down in the snow.

Oh yeah, dd has a cold and felt ill this morning, I felt guilty sending her to school but would feel guilty keeping her at home, No win.

god endless guilt over my shoutiness - and shame that she mimicks me, down to the tone, pointy finger etc [shame] and always jumps to attention when I raise my voice. I am trying to shout less but pg has made me very short tempered indeed.

Shame over my snappiness too. I am mostly pretty good at staying smiley but generally ruin that once a day by getting really irritated with DD. She is incredibly strong willed and I do regularly long for a more chilled out kid - but then again, she is so much fun! I was quite ashamed in the library today as she would keep bringing me books, I'd start reading, she'd talk over me and then get another book, I got more and more frustrated and just gave up in the end and just felt very sad that we couldn't sit and share a bit of chilled time together.

To be fair she'd been cooped up all morning due to rain but I am now feeling very down about having another on the way and my inability to be a pleasant mum for more than about an hour.

LeQueen that so resonates, i too expected to be another person after having
a child, i was, just not the person i thought.

Bodyofeyore i think those are known as 'frenemies' ditch that one, how awful for you.Anyway thats what mothers and MIL are for.

Yes. All the time. Right now. They are fighting upstairs after I spent over an hour putting them to bed, tidying rooms, brushing teeth, playing shopping list with the younger one and scrabble with the older one. They are fighting and shrieking and messing up their rooms and calling for me now, but I am drinking wine and yelling back up the stairs "sort it out yourselves". I have not got the energy to be on duty all day.

Not sure if its guilt or shame, but I feel bad a lot about my parenting.

I worry I am too shouty, intolerant, inconsistent etc etc.

But then other times I think I'm doing ok!

DCs seem vaguely sane and mostly well behaved, so can't be doing too bad.

Yeah, here you all. I didn't even even realise how short-tempered I was til AFTER I had children. NOthing had ever really irritated me in the way that children's petty arguments, awkwardness and fussing and whining over nothing irritates me. I sound about as maternal as........ maggie thatcher here.

Bandwitch - same here!