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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not date a man who won't tell me what he does for a living?

122 replies

SpareOhs · 22/06/2011 10:22

I think I know the answer to this but just want to check with the MN Jury

Have been emailing with an apparently-normal bloke on GSM for a week or so. He ticks many boxes - at least from what I can tell from his profile.

But... a couple of days ago we were talking about jobs, and all he would tell me was that he worked 'in government'. That's it. Wouldn't divulge anything more, even when I started to gently take the piss about the fact he was being so cloak-and-dagger about it.

That's a big red flag, isn't it? Surely even if he did have a genuinely 'sensitive' job he'd have a mundane and believable cover story, right?

Or have years of fruitless online dates finally tipped my paranoia-ometer way into the red?

OP posts:

Suncottage · 23/06/2011 09:04

SpareOhs

If on your first date he puts his index finger to the side of his nose and leaps out of the window then please follow him and let us know where he goes.

ILoveYouToo · 23/06/2011 11:14

at Stephenthemysteriousbiochemist!

GwendolenHarleth · 23/06/2011 11:52

I went out with a guy about 15 years ago who told me he was "in IT" and another time he told me he was a "head hunter." Another time he told me he had been offered a place at Cambridge but turned it down. In the end he turned out to be an admin temp for a company selling shirts. He was a bit of a wanker anyway.

rubyrubyruby · 23/06/2011 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TandB · 23/06/2011 12:01

It may simply be a relatively sensitive job that he isn't able to discuss. I have two friends with sensitive jobs. One describes his job as "in government", the other as "for the police". I have a reasonable idea what the first one does and I definitely know what the second one does as he was by complete coincidence involved in one of my cases.

Nothing particularly exciting or worrying - just not something that should be dicussed in any detail.

PigletJohn · 23/06/2011 15:14

if he has a genuine sensitive job he will have a tedious explanation that satisfies your curiosity.

If he is mysterious and intruiging he is just making it up.

SheepAreSuper · 23/06/2011 16:22

I wouldn't worry too much. Go on your date (take the usual safety precaustions) and have fun.

As you've seen from the other posts there's lots of reasons why he is sketchy about his job.
I have a friend who works 'in government', it is a sackable offence for him to have online profiles of any kind, facebook, twitter, dating, anything that he could be identified through. It's a bloody boring job too.

ILoveYouToo · 27/06/2011 15:58

Did you go on the date OP?

I hope he hasn't told you but then had to kill you.....

Original poster

SpareOhs · 27/06/2011 17:38

No, not yet - still alive! We've not managed to sort out a mutually-convenient time yet (for the drink, not the contract killing).

Then again I did meet someone rather nice on Sat night and I'm hoping that might turn into a second, third, fourth date... But, bitter experience tells me not to put all of my eggs into any one chap's basket at this stage so, options still open for international spies/binmen to woo me at their leisure

OP posts:

SacreLao · 28/06/2011 05:58

I REALLY want to know if S and Stephen are the same person ??

DogsBestFriend · 28/06/2011 09:11

So do I because the person I'm speaking of is Steven!!!!!!

Oi ViIVALABEAVER! Are you there? Did the mysterious one have a second name beginning with P?

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 28/06/2011 12:50

Also still waiting to hear about S(teven)...

GwendolenHarleth · 02/07/2011 09:21

Can we have an update?

tallulahxhunny · 02/07/2011 09:27

omg this reminds me of my SIL if you ask her what she worked at before becoming child minder she just says Civil servant!! she willl tell you nothing more than this no matter what you ask her she just says civil service and shes not allowed to disclose details!!

Bumperlicioso · 02/07/2011 09:39

I'm very of all the people who 'know' someone who works for some secret organisation. And if you do actually know these people do you think they'd be happy with you posting that fact and their cover stories on the Internet?

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 02/07/2011 09:42

I think given the number of perfectly reasonable possibilities (he's in a socially unpopular job, or an easily identifiable one) it's worth giving him a chance for at least one date. Best of luck.

Charbar5821 · 10/07/2024 22:00

Means he has a girlfriend. She probably gives him money to spend on limited things, like hotels with other women, but that's about it. He can't give information, because if he did you would know that he don't even work.

skippy67 · 10/07/2024 22:17

ZOMBIE THREAD

wellington77 · 10/07/2024 22:20

SpareOhs · 22/06/2011 10:22

I think I know the answer to this but just want to check with the MN Jury

Have been emailing with an apparently-normal bloke on GSM for a week or so. He ticks many boxes - at least from what I can tell from his profile.

That's a big red flag, isn't it? Surely even if he did have a genuinely 'sensitive' job he'd have a mundane and believable cover story, right?

Or have years of fruitless online dates finally tipped my paranoia-ometer way into the red?

I actually did date a spy once, and he told me more than just “ works for government” not anything sensitive etc, but just so I knew it was security services. I feel either this guy wants to be Uber safe in terms of not getting in trouble with his work so playing safe and not saying a thing or he’s lying!

Cherry8809 · 10/07/2024 23:27

My husband is in the US military with a TS clearance. It’s not uncommon for him to not be able to tell me what he’s done that day at work.

Id give him the benefit of the doubt. Meet somewhere public for your first date and go from there.

LadyFeatheringt0n · 10/07/2024 23:31

He probably works for something that people might find embarrassing or sensitive. Like working as a tax inspector, or being a secretary/staffer for a bit of a contentious mp like suella braverman

billyt · 11/07/2024 00:25

13 year old Zombie thread. 😡

Why don't people look at dates???

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