in thinking this is just inconsiderate, bloody minded and plain rude?

[LifeIsButtercream]

There is a spider in my kitchen. I have given it a very polite talking to, explaining in detail why I would really like it to move on, that it has outstayed it's welcome and it should really seek alternate accommodation. It is preventing me from accessing my bin and has not sought appropriate planning permission for it's large web.

It has refused point-blank to move. I think it has identified me as a soft-touch and is planning to leech free accommodation off me for the forseable future just because it knows that I am too kindhearted to hoover it up and too scared to touch it.

Eight-legged little fucker

AIBU?

hooooooooooooover!

Get a glass, put it over spider. Take envelope and slide underneath glass. Dispose of far from house. Why on earth would you want to kill it??

Pleeeeeeeease think of the Karma!

Feather duster, jam jar, release back into the wild (my hair, often).

I'd come and do it for you if I could.

Ok - the way i see it is you have two choices

1. give it a whack of a shoe ..............

               OR 
   

2. Name it and leave it alone to make LOTS of little baby spiders

shudders at the thought of baby spiders I'm going to try and catch it in a glass after I've eaten some more chocolate to calm me down - only problem is it in a funny place and there isn't a surface behind it to trap it on.

I wouldn't kill it, it would haunt me in my dreams......

Not only would it haunt your dreams but all it's little and huge spidery friends would be out for revenge.

Call it 'the binman' and make friends...

...in our conservatory we have 'Mr Michael' and in the kitchen we have 'Rembrandt'

Hate spiders but naming them does help....

Get a pug and train it to eat spiders.

Put a glass over it and find someone less wimpy trained in spider re-housing to assist you. Pay them in chocolate.

Kill it kill it kill it..

(evil eight legged little fuckers)

I don't envy you.

Two days ago I was talking to DS as he was laying in his bed about our upcoming holidays in the wilderness of Poland and his fear of insects. I was all reassuring and then DS screamed "spider!!!' and there it was, sprinting on the floor.

I had to grit my teeth, get a glass and catch the fucker. And pretend to DS that I am all calm and in control.

Lakeland do a lovely spider sucker. Saved my screams on many a scary occasion!

I have one of those bug vacs - I might train DD (2) how to use it - I'm always scared the critter will crawl back out of the tube, when I would be stuck holding a tube with a spider sitting on it..........

Spiders kill flies and are therefore good news, especially to whatever flies eat and whatever they eat!

Does anyone remember the story of the little boy who found a spider with her egg sac on her back, he killed her. Then for the rest of his life ghost spiders came out of his mouth whenever he spoke.

Or something like that.
Scared me out of ever harming an insect as a child.
(not to hijack but if someone can point me in direction of the story/author, that would be awesome).

i throw the argos book at the evil bastards bugger their steroid ridden family they've not come for me yet

oh my mum names them too, about ten years ago she had one called fredrick even tho it was prob different spiders but freddy was around for a while my mum loved that spider..

I'll lend you my dog. He eats them.

With perserverance and kind treatment, spiders can be trained to perform simple household tasks - dusting, hoovering, painting and decorating for instance.

A very obliging Tegenaria duellica makes an excellent companion for an elderly relative - helping with meals, washing and running a bath (they enjoy playing in the bath after the water has been let out - I'm sure everyone has noticed this!)

However, the one thing that you must not allow is to let your resident arachnid get involved in fringe politics. They are easily swayed towards the extremes of the spectrum - many were named in the recent 'outing' of BNP members; there is also a significant cohort entrenched in the inner circles of Combat 18. Far better to point them towards amateur dramatics, or perhaps cricket or crown green bowling.

so does my cat. tho she has nasty habit of leaving the legs behind...

I find this thread to be offensively spiderist

get one of those bug catchers, little plastic thing on a long pole so you dont have to get near it, you just catch it, turn the handle and the little door slides shut so you can release it outside. Although not much good if there is no wall behind spider...perhaps for future reference!

I feel your fear.
Am also desperately checking daughters back for egg sac as she just obliterated a teeny spider with her crock.

Nasty fuckers must die

Kill the spider and my army of trained Ninja Spiders will come and open a can of Arachnid whoopass on yer........