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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the bf flash mob thing that is happening on Friday is a bit smug?

354 replies

Piggyleroux · 20/06/2011 19:26

I bf my 15 mo ds and found bf quite straightforward from the off. I am aware that I was extremely lucky and I know a lot of women really struggle with it. I am also aware that bfing rates in this country are among the lowest in europe.

However, I think bfing needs to be normalised and I feel that this demonstration only serves to sensationalise bfing and imo, make the women taking part seem a bit smug and 'look at me' iyswim and just make people who ff feel even more shit.

Wouldnt it be better for bfing women to openly bf in public rather than do a mass gathering on one day? It really doesn't sit ring with me and I don't think that it will change attitudes or help women who really struggle with bfing.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Ivortheengine8 · 21/06/2011 23:19

This is very sad, for the mothers and for the babies who will never receive the breast milk their bodies needed to be the best they were meant to be. ..... and I will have to go back and cut and paste the others...
I just don't think this person has the right to judge on personal experiences.
Its all fine and dandy if you are a natural and it all goes well, but just spare a thought for the others who are trying their best.

TimeWasting · 21/06/2011 23:25

Right, I'm tired and pregnant too, and it's well past my bedtime.

dreamingbohemian · 21/06/2011 23:26

Well actually, I thought for the most part this thread was really interesting, there were a lot of different aspects being touched upon and it seemed a bit less heated than the usual BF-FF threads.

But, some of the more recent posts, talking about oh those sad babies who will never be their best, and FF has so many risks, don't you know that? Well, if I had read that at a particularly vulnerable time, it would probably have upset me. I can't speak for Ivor, I don't want to speculate why she is upset, I'm just saying that at a certain time this is why it would have upset me.

I'm not saying people shouldn't say these things, it's their opinion and all that. But it's a sensitive topic. There are ways to say things that don't imply women are purposefully harming their babies, or that FF babies are less than perfect or what have you.

Does that make any sense?

Ivortheengine8 · 21/06/2011 23:27

alright timewasting lets get to bed!
It wasn't your comments btw anyway.

dreamingbohemian · 21/06/2011 23:29

x-post Ivor.... yes, I see we found the same comments OTT Smile

cunexttuesonline · 21/06/2011 23:29

Ivor - whoever posted that was being a twat!

Breastfeeding is great if it goes well. but plenty of times it doesn't, before we had formula babies died/were malnourished/possibly had a wetnurse if BFing didn't work out! So FF is a good thing if you need to use it. And the reason you need it can be as simple as that you just don't want to BF! in this day and age, we shouldn't force people either way. give them the facts yes, BF is the optimal food for a baby (providing it works), make it as easy as possible for people to do it, give help if it's asked for.... and let people choose what they want!

Ivortheengine8 · 21/06/2011 23:29

Dreaming, probably because I am hormonal,tired and I generally don't like people telling me I am not doing my best for my children. I guess I am quite a proud person too which doesnt help! Grin

It's just one of those arguments that goes around in circles.

dreamingbohemian · 21/06/2011 23:31

Totally. I can't believe I let myself get sucked in again!

Ivortheengine8 · 21/06/2011 23:33

Thanks Wanksoc. I'm glad you felt the same as did Dreaming.
People really do take it too far sometimes.

Ivortheengine8 · 21/06/2011 23:36

I know I seriously have to avoid these threads!!
I like the OP who wrote a balanced post. Its people like her with a blanced view that will change anything.

Ivortheengine8 · 21/06/2011 23:36

I'm going to bed now.
Night night.
sorry again, (I still feel awful!) :(

CurlyGirly2 · 21/06/2011 23:37

Well, the way I see it this flashmob thing is all about attitudes towards bf women. Particularly in public.

It is sad to say that, even in this day and age, some people still have appalling attitudes towards bf in public. And these attitudes (no one can deny they exist - they crop up on mn as well as Loose Women) are something that COULD put a mum off bf. It's the Denise Van Outen effect - she didn't feel comfortable bf in public - it follows that people will perceive there is something wrong with it. They won't feel comfortable feeding in public themselves - so will feel chained to the house, want to get out and about with baby etc.

I have to say, I don't give a monkeys who wants to ff - it's completely up to them and irrelevant to this - those that DO choose to bf ARE sometimes made to feel uncomfortable in public. I have been myself - fortunately I am made of stern stuff and took no notice!

The more women do bf in public, and talk about it, the more it becomes more acceptable and less shocking. These flash mobs and bf sit-ins etc are just addressing that. It's like saying - we're here, we're bf, get used to it!

Hate the merchandise though.

confuddledDOTcom · 21/06/2011 23:41

Working, I've been wondering the same thing. It's cutting your nose off, surely?

TheSecondComing · 21/06/2011 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ivortheengine8 · 21/06/2011 23:59

Good on you SC
Maybe its the more experienced mums like yourself who have more wisdom towards the subject. My mum had 5 of us and never went on the way some of these people are doing on here.

HipHopOpotomus · 22/06/2011 00:08

YABU - I think it's fab and I'm going.

Have no desire at all to get my tits out in public. I just want to feed my baby and be free to live my life and go about my business without restricting myself to the flat.

Dismayed once again to see so many people portraying a pro breastfeeding campaign as being about making formula feeders feel bad about themselves!! FFS that is not what it's about! >

dreamingbohemian · 22/06/2011 00:20

HipHop, I don't think anyone is saying that. There has been criticism of some posts as being insensitive, but I don't think anyone is saying the flashmob shouldn't take place because it makes FFs feel bad.

I could be wrong. It's been a long thread.

confuddledDOTcom · 22/06/2011 00:23

SC did you miss the bit where I had to stop when my Health Visitor made a child protection on me for refusing to formula feed or the bit where I said that women should be supported in whatever their choice is or that I'm organise the local breastfeeding picnic to call for better protection for all babies being fed however they're fed or did yo just read one sentence I wrote?

HipHopOpotomus · 22/06/2011 00:24

The op says it ~ 2nd paragraph!

dreamingbohemian · 22/06/2011 00:30

Hey you're right! Sorry. That was ages ago! Smile

I don't think that's been one of the main arguments in the rest of the thread though.

Ivortheengine8 · 22/06/2011 00:32

I don't feel bad about the OP, I don't really give damm what they do to promote it anymore. I have my own sense of identitiy and purpose. What is wrong is when information is thrown about into other's faces when the person throwing it about doesnt really know much about it themselves or the other persons situation.

Bogeyface · 22/06/2011 00:42

Just out of interest, what do the Bf campaigners think of ?

Genuinely curious!

Oh and for the record, I have FF all 6 of mine for medical reasons, well I cant feed them with what aint there! So I dont feel at all belittled by the BF campaigners and I would like to see more support for women who want to BF even so I support the cause even if I do think this particular flashmob idea is pointless and wont achieve anything! However, that said I can see why some women who feel they failed for whatever reason at BF would feel that their noses are being rubbed in it by those that succeeded. Its a bit like seeing pg women everywhere when you cant get pg, or happily married couples when your H has just left for another woman. People arent getting at you, but when you feel sensitive you can feel got at, iykwim.

jaggythistle · 22/06/2011 05:46

there was a teeny thread about this ad on the Bf/ff board. i think the general consensus was that it was not too bad.

it puts out the idea that you might keep ebm in your fridge and i thought myself at least it's not that they have the guy puking it up in disgust!

sorry, bad typing, not quite awake yet!

lovejosie · 22/06/2011 07:05

How can a group of women breastfeeding do more harm than good!? Ok then thouse who do not agree with such events, how would you go about 'normalising' breastfeeding in public??? There is no point slagging of a concept if you have no positive suggestions on how to tackle an issue yourself!
How often do you see a woman nursing in public? Uuuummm almost never, and how often you you see a woman doing such in the media.... almost never! Surely the more people see and hear about it the better.

CareyHunt · 22/06/2011 07:53

I know it was about a million posts ago, but I just wanted to answer the questions about extended breast feeding. I fed my toddler right through pregnancy, and I know other women have different experiences but for me it was fine. I had no discomfort or BH contractions. In my last couple of weeks of pregnancy, I imagine when my colostrum started to come in, he lost interest and stopped feeding. Had he wanted to start again when my baby was born, I would have been happy to let him, but he didn't show any interest.

Lots of women bf right through pregnancy, and tandem feed after the birth. Some midwives/ health visitors have little or no experience of this and can be a bit Hmm but millions of mothers the world over have done it.

When my other children were ready to stop bfing I took my clue from them. When ds2 got to the point where he wasn't asking any more, I stopped offering. He was 3 1/2, and by that point was probably only having a quick 5 minute feed at bed time. Dd1 is still going, at 4, but she is not so interested as she was so I guess it's on it's way out. I still don't offer, and I don't refuse. I didn't start BFing with any knowledge of extended feeding or any intention of feeding for more than a year. I didn't even know anyone fed toddlers, but it worked for us!

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