Husband of a friend telling off my child

[900cherry]

I was invited out this morning with some neighbours who are good friends. The husband is known to be snappy and to have little patience with his own children.
In the space of an hour, he told my 4 year old daughter to 'stop whining' and in a cafe, he snapped at her to 'OI, STOP THAT' when she kicked him under the table ( she was doing it playfully). My daughter burst into tears and came and sat on my lap. When his wife, who is a good friend, commented to him to calm down, he agressively responded 'Its not my problem if she's crying cos I told her off for not kicking me. She can deal with it'.

She is 4.

I said nothing as I didn't want to upset his wife, who I know was mortified.

I really want to email him tomorrow to tell him how inappropriate and uncalled for it was. AIBU? What would you do?

PS. The ironic thing is, he has an obnoxious daughter who is really badly behaved and I say nothing!

900cherry. These threads always become addictive. Thats why they always end up going on for days.
Brilliant, one of the reasons why I love MN.
Although it's not too much fun if it's you getting the kicking mind you.

Who says the man has form for being snappy and having little patience with his own children? What's the evidence of this?

If he is such a grumpy arse, why did you go out with him?

If he is such a grumpy arse, why did you sit your DD anywhere near him?

If he is such an arse, and is so difficult, what has he done that your DD adores him?

"And it doesn't matter HOW loud he shouted - he was clearly angry and humiliated the kid."

it cerrtainly wouldn't matter to me, Animation. My child would have deserved the response given for kicking an adult no matter how loudly it was delivered. Had I been that adult. I'd have been angry, had I "humiliated" (FGS, she's a 4 yo! ) a child or had my child "humiliated for kicking I'd consider it earned too.

At the end of the day none of us bar the OP was there so we're only getting one side of the story. SIL shouted at my dd making the whole place stop and look at us, yet she's adament she never shouted and never said the horrible things she said despite her mum backing me up. It's all about perspective from the OP and what her friends husband thought may have been different.

She could text rather than email -

What was up with you the other day - you bad tempered old BASA!!

Haven't read all the messages, but I do know I have kicked people under the table at 42 and haven't even realized it until they teased me about it!! Maybe your daughter didn't even know

FWIW I think YANBU. I wouldn't have been happy about that at all and would have had the same reaction. It sounds like he was downright nasty to her.

Animation Mon 20-Jun-11 13:37:22
FUCKMEPINK
I consider myself the voice of reason!

I consider myself Mrs Johnny Depp... sadly, it doesn't make it so.

MrSpoc Really? I never saw that. Perhaps you could quote.

I don't really have anything against other people telling my child off (although it's not often neccessary as I'm a strict-arse mum) but would rather do it myself. I do remember someone raising their voice to my 3yo once and it terrified her. She's not a woos at all and is used to raised voices (I'm also a shouter) but coming from someone else it terrified her. She may have been a (tiny bit) naughty but I had to cuddle her to calm her down as she was in a right state. Some people on here seem to think she shouldn't have even cuddled her daughter! "You have displeased me so I will withold affection from you" . . . jesus!

Dandy, brilliant! :o

I'm with you - come on cherry, pleeeease email your friend and tell us how he responds!

MrSpoc - you remind me of Star Trek.

"as she has at no point said that she won't allow other people to tell her child off."

Except here,@ 23:35, where she says that she and not anyone else will be the one to tell her not to kick.

"I agree she should have been told not to kick, but I'll be the one to do it, not someone else and not the way he did it."

LyingWitch - I agree with you on a lot of threads - but sadly not this one.

TotallyLovely - I am a shouter when my boys play up. I have even had security gaurds in shops tell me boys off (playfully but they got the message).

I am not overly strict and i do not care if my boys are told off by strangers. I honestly think that all the kids who run about now and are cheeky to adults is becasue people are scared of telling other peoples kids off.

Grat comeback Animation.

Thanks Mayor i new i could rely on you

LOL at LyingWitch, brilliant.

You may not be Mrs JD but you ARE the voice of reason on this thread.

900Cherry - I don't know if you're still reading but I don't think you were being unreasonable at all. I would have reacted badly to someone being aggressive to my child.

I would have also made my child apologize even if it was done playfully.

If I see a kid being naughty I wait a moment for the mum to do something about it, I don't steam in assuming that they won't.

FM -
Who says the man has form for being snappy and having little patience with his own children? What's the evidence of this?
His wife.

If he is such a grumpy arse, why did you go out with him?
To support his wife really. They are having probs

If he is such a grumpy arse, why did you sit your DD anywhere near him?
We weren't exactly a big group of people!

If he is such an arse, and is so difficult, what has he done that your DD adores him?
He's become that way. We have known this family most of DD life.

Is this relevant?

Let's not forget though that it was a playful kick, and therefore not really meriting a telling off.

Agree, most people on this thread think the little girl is the devil!

If one of my children had done that I would have been mortified and told her off quite clearly (assuming I had noticed it happening) and explained why it isn't acceptable. The OP did this but not until after the chap had had his say because she hadn't realised what was happening beforehand. Hence him shouting at said child, her being upset and taking refuge on mum's knee because she was scared/embarrassed (delete as appropriate but it's irrelevant).

If man had behaved as a grown-up ideally does he would have asked child to stop without yelling at her. Child could then have been told off by mum (or kickee for that matter) calmly. Message would have gone in and there would have been no need for scared unhappy child. Kickee would have felt justice had been done. Hurrah for sweet reason and everyone could have gone home happy.

Instead it all went a bit silly because two people didn't behave sensibly, a 4yr old and an adult

May be he has turned grumpy because they are having problems. Cant blame him being grumpy when he goes out his wife needs back up.

Here here Ormirian

TotallyLovelyMon 20-Jun-11 13:53:31

Let's not forget though that it was a playful kick, and therefore not really meriting a telling off.

Agree, most people on this thread think the little girl is the devil!

No - most people think the little girl is going to grow up into someone who with a great sense of her own entitlement and very little sense of responsiblity if her mother makes such an almighty song and dance about a friend chastising her for something she, the mother, should have already put a firm stop to, since she knew it was happening.