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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to smash my dinner plate over dh's head?

32 replies

pink4ever · 17/06/2011 18:10

I made dh and dcs a nice dinner(butter chicken-dh loves curry) with all the accompaniments(paratha,gobi pakora etc). Dh ate his in silence then dumped his plate next to sink.
I ask my 2 year old to bring his plate in if he has finished but then hear dh telling him not to as is spilling it. Well surely he should have got off his fat arse and brought it into kitchen then(where I am doing dishes)?
Eldest dc brings his plate in,says thank you mum and "oh you are like a waitress"!. I say pointedly to dh that he didnt bother to say thank you. He replies well no one thanks me for anything.Meaning he had been at work(am sahm) and then done the food shopping(his choice to do it).
Am I BU to want to smash a plate over his fecking head?.

OP posts:

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 17/06/2011 18:13

Oh well of course you shouldn't expect a thank you as clearly you have been lounging around all day watching TV and sipping martinis in your marabou (sp?) robe whilst he grafts down a treacle mine. What a nobber, smash the entire dinner set over his head

HerHissyness · 17/06/2011 18:13

ungrateful oik, bury him under the patio

YANBU

BunnyLebowski · 17/06/2011 18:14

Ungrateful turd. DP would never speak to me like that. Jaysus.

Give him a knee in the balls from me.

solomanswife · 17/06/2011 18:14

I am not sure why you are all eating in separate rooms.

iwanttoseethezoo · 17/06/2011 18:16

They're not eating in separate rooms - the OP was doing the dishes and the husband was presumably still in the living/dining room with the 2-yr old.

And OP, YANBU. he presumably thinks this is YOUR JOB to do dinner, so why bother thanking you?

Hullygully · 17/06/2011 18:17

some people don't evn have plates

will no one think of the crockery?

NettoSuperstar · 17/06/2011 18:17

That sounds to me like non communication, rather than him being an arse, based on what you've said so far.

Is he usually like this?
Does he appreciate what you do at home?

Original poster

pink4ever · 17/06/2011 18:18

Eh soloman? we werent eating in seprate rooms. We all ate at the dining table. Dh and I finished first so I took plated in and started dishes because god forbid dh would ever do a dish.

OP posts:

mumnotmachine · 17/06/2011 18:19

Maybe he feels unappreciated- just like you do.
Its a common thing in this house too!

whatsallthehullaballoo · 17/06/2011 18:19

YANBU - you have my understanding and true sympathy.

Original poster

pink4ever · 17/06/2011 18:21

netto no he doesnt appreciate what I do at home whatsoever. Like one of the posters above said he really does think I lie about all day reading magazines and eating choc.
He sat and watched while I washed/dried dishes,cleaned dining table and was down on my hands and knees wiping floor(dcs are v messy with rice!). He is now moaning because he cant find a choc bar he bought and is blaming me as I unpacked the shopping.Yes he is an arse.

OP posts:

ddubsgirl · 17/06/2011 18:22

can i come to yours for dinner pls?i promise to say thank u sounded yummy x

MrsMuddlecombe · 17/06/2011 18:22

Next time you make butter chicken, don't forget the little dribble of anti freeze in DH's portion (can you tell I watch too much Desperate Housewives)?

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 17/06/2011 18:23

I think he is wrong because it's nice when couples thank each other.

I know you don't need thanks when you cook and he doesn't need thanks when he buys something from the supermarket and you don't need thanks when you put a shelf up and he doesn't need thanks when he mends a drippy tap... These are all things that you just do when you are a family. Nobody needs a medal for any of them

But it's a little thing that makes you each feel valued. That smile and "thanks love". When my husband does the pots (which is most of the time!) I say thanks. He says "what are you thanking me for, it's my job as much as it is yours" I say I know, I just appreciate you.

So what do you say thanks to him for and what would you like to say him say the same to you for?

Original poster

pink4ever · 17/06/2011 18:25

ddubs-yes come for dinner anytime. I do understand that my dh works hard. I always try and show an interest and ask about his day etc. I could tell you a lot about his work/collegues etc. Dh shows zero interest in my life. Couldnt tell you the names of any of my friends as has never bothered to get to know them. Belittles any interests I have etc. So this is just symptomatic of the way he treats me really.

OP posts:

belgo · 17/06/2011 18:30

If you expect him to say thank you for making dinner, then you should say thank you to him for doing the shopping.

joben · 17/06/2011 18:34

I agree with Belgo, his job was to do the shopping ( you say he wasn't asked-did he ask you to make a spectacular Indian meal?), your was to cook dinner.If you don't thank him for his contribution, you shouldn't expect thanks for yours. Being a SAHM is hard work, so is working outside the home and then going shopping on Fri eve after work. Thinkk you both need to show each other some respect

purplepidjin · 17/06/2011 18:35

Whatever his feelings, he needs to be a good role model for his children - courtesy and civility, ie thanking someone for their efforts, are basic. If he has a specific issue he wants to discuss, he should do so later, in private!

Today, I was off work (ill, but often have random days off becuase I work shifts) and cleaned the bathroom, living room and the animals. Dp cleaned the kitchen, hoovered and did the shopping. He cooked dinner, I did dessert. We thanked each other - it avoids the deadly slow build of resentment

Original poster

pink4ever · 17/06/2011 18:37

belgo-I thank him for lots of things. He hasnt thanked me once this week when I have bought him sweeties that I know he likes. Plus as I pointed out in earlier post it is his choice to do the main shop(I do the top up shops during the week).
I dont think its too much to expect a thank you for not only cooking dinner but also doing dishes and tidying up/emptying bins etc but maybe I am BU and am expecting to much?. I have friends who assure me their dhs do their share of cooking/housework/helping with kids but maybe their lying?.

OP posts:

ilovenewpyjamas · 17/06/2011 18:43

leave this thread on screen for him to see! Otherwise, you must tell him how you feel.

catgirl1976 · 17/06/2011 18:48

Did you make from scratch or was it ready meals?

BimboNo5 · 17/06/2011 18:50

Nice title- can you imagine the uproar if a man said something like this about his wife/partner?

Original poster

pink4ever · 17/06/2011 18:54

bimbo-I was being ironic.obviously. I wouldnt actually smash anything over his head. FFS.

OP posts:

Original poster

pink4ever · 17/06/2011 18:56

catgirl-no it wasnt bloody ready meals! My dh is also a fussy bugger when it comes to dinners(turns his nose up for example if I make chicken twice in a week even if it is a completely different recipe).

OP posts:

catgirl1976 · 17/06/2011 18:56

I think if you made all that from scratch you should hit him over head with dinner plate. If it was ready meals, then rap him over knuckles with a spoon instead

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