To think we should all ensure our daughters can drive a car

[Fiddledee]

So many posters saying they can't do x,y,z because they can't drive. Yes its expensive but I think alot more valuable than alot of other stuff we spend on our kids.

I will be marching my daughter to the learner driver school on the first day possible. Even if we couldn't afford it I would encourage her to learn asap after starting work and to save for it.

I just want to reduce the dependency of women on men driving them everywhere. We are not in the 1950s.

YABVU!

Your daughter does not need to drive a car providing she lives in or near an urban area with buses, taxis and trains. Your daughter may not have the economic means to run a car and in certain circumstances having a car can make you vulnerable.

What you do need to do is give her self esteem and teach her she is the equal or better of any man.

MoreBeta - we live in a rural area with a bus every 2 hours stopping at 5pm.

"Add message | Report | Message poster smashinghairday Fri 17-Jun-11 13:47:47
Riven, then you must live on a fantastic bus route or have hobbies/interests that do not involve travelling anywhere or at any time not on a direct bus route.
"

I live in a city. The buses are average. Before i got disabled we walked everywhere and the kids did home ed stuff, football, karate etc. Like most people. Dd at 19 is at university and does plays, music and going out and has never ever needed a car. Ds is 18 and his social life is not affceted by no car.

I woildnt choose to live in the country for that reason. I dont want to be car dependant nor have theexpense just to get a pint of milk. From the age of 11 my kids went off on buses to visit friends or go to the cinema. What hobbies would require they drive?

And what 18 or 19 yo students can afford to run a car?

Riveninside - the kind who are able to borrow a car when they need one :)
Having a license doesn't require you to own a car.

See, we dont have one thy can borrow. So they can learn when they have jobs and pay for it themselves. None of tnem want to drive and waste the money though as we have been car free for years and never been retrsicted in anythjng we have wanted to do.

Christ, I hate these threads.

I was diagnosed with epilepsy in my teens. I never have, and never will drive a car.

These threads always make me feel like some kind of pathetic half-person, but actually I don't feel like I miss out by not driving. I never rely on ANYONE for lifts (even in emergencies), I walk everywhere which keeps me very fit and I've probably got a reasonably small carbon footprint compared to someone who drives everywhere. Not having a car is not the end of the world and it is certainly not limiting, you just get really good at finding creative travel plans which makes life far more fun.

No one needs to drive, its a luxury.

Long thread so I haven't read it all and I'm probably not adding anything new but...

I truly, truly wish I could drive (34 and currently learning) and I will be strongly encouraging (and probably paying for) DD to learn as soon as she is old enough. As I have got older the fear factor has definitely grown.

This is truly a personal thing but not being able to drive makes me feel very immature - I hate that feeling of still having to ask for a lift.

Hope I haven't been insensitive with my post PainSnail. I had petit mal as a child so, for a time, thought I would never be able to drive. I was fortunate that my epilepsy was time limited.

Personally I don't think YABU, OP. I passed my test at 17 and bought my first car at 21. I've never been without a car and tbh would never want to be! I have to drive as part of my job so for me it is an essential skill - there is no alternative in the job I do. I also feel that it offers me so much more freedom than public transport; if I had to use public transport to visit friends it would take hours to get there and back. Plus the bus system locally is awful - dirty, full of youths playing music on their mobiles and unreliable. I do use trains and tram at times but not regularly as the car is so much simpler and once you have paid all the essentials (I get a car user allowance from work) it is cheaper on a daily basis. I also enjoy driving so will encourage my dd to drive when the time comes.

I think it is a MORE valuable skill to be able to get yourself around anywhere using public transport.
Driving can make people very lazy and unadventurous.

We live in the country with no reliable public transport, particularly at night, so my DD was keen to learn to drive and I was keen that she should. It's far better than having to rely on friends for lifts.

When she had passed her test it meant she was making a journey once whereas before then I was making a journey twice in order to drop her off somewhere and pick her up again. The usage of the car therefore halved.

Thinking about it again me driving does not really have anything to do with reducing my dependency on my dh. I grew up with my dad never learning to drive a car (he had a motorbike) and my mom being the driver but not until my teens so public transport was never an issue for me. I travelled miles on public transport when I was younger with no concerns at all, but now I love my car and the independence it offers. Dh and I have a roughly 50 / 50 split on our family driving which works well.

I think its up to the individual to decide when its right for them to learn to drive if they so wish. My son was constantly berated for not learning the moment he was 17 but he wanted to wait until he was ready

Though I have seen the result of my Mum being overly dependant on my Dad to drive. She started to learn then gave up as she said "I dont need to drive, Dad can run me where I want". Cue a few years later and having to leave the country thye are living in as my Dad can no longer drive and them being very isolated

Agree with painsnail. Dd is quadriplegic with epi,epsy so will never be able to drive. Long as theres public transport she wont have the pathetic half life drivers seem to think non drivers have.
But tnen she can see her parents and siblings managing to live full lives without needing a ton of metal to get about.

A lot of friends and family who I know (drivers) haven't actually explored public transport options anyway. Ie. the assumption is that there are 'no buses'/limited rail services etc etc. My sister expresses surprise that there's a rail service that is a 5 min walk from her house and a 2 min walk to work when she arrives. She still decides to drive (although it takes longer) as she 'feels safer'
Of course there are situations where public transport is lacking in rural areas, but not in all rural areas. We live in a village where buses are great in the week, but less so on Sundays. As a result we cycle, with the dcs (we have 4), and delight in passing the cars along the way (stationary).
I don'd drive, have a PhD, work full-time as a university lecturer, and commute by public transport 4 days a week. Dh does drive but cycles 12 miles each way to work every day (his choice). We do car share, but use the car on average every 1-2 months (hence we sold it). The dcs do do hobbies, and get there/back on foot/bike/bus. If getting there bacame an issue, we'd get a taxi (use the pink ladies service if I need to, who also will also drop off/collect from school if necessary).
I do get increasingly weary of people asking why I don't drive - as if I'm some second class citizen.They seem fascinated in my life style choices I've always said that if I had to restrict what I, or my children would like to do, I'd take my test, but until that day I don't feel 'lacking' or 'unsophisticted'. IN fact I think my colleague at work is 'lacking' through e-mailing everyone to tell us she wouldn't be in for a few days as her 'car was in the garage'.
And on the question of child drop-offs before school, I drop ds at nursery (on foot), dh drops older dcs at school (on bike, with tag along). So in a nutshell, driving is a skill, but certainly not an essential one when you actually stop to think through the other options rather than relying on lazy stereotypes about towns and villages. I'm not saying everyone has the options I do, but I am not assuming that they don't.

YABVU. It's not essential to drive , You can walk and get public transport. I don't drive I walk or herbs bus to work. When the girls were younger I would take them to activities on public transport.

Women in Saudi Arabia would love the right to drive. I couldn't get my kids to school without a car.

Most employers just require you to be there when you need to be. They couldn't give a fuck how you get there.

Sounds reasonable to me.

Wha will you do fiddle when petrol is £5 a litre, or £10?

Fiddle - I've managed to get to 34 without a licence. I am now learning but even hen and if I pass I think I will be using the car no more than twice/three times a week. It's not an essential skill. You can manage without.

In certain places, no of course it's not essential to drive where there are decent services, good bike routes etc.

But it's practical and convenient for carrying heavy loads and getting there quickly, smoothly.

Companies are spending loads of money on alternatives, even alternatives to the electric car.

May not be in my lifetime, but we need to get ourselves and stuff to places quickly, businesses need to move stuff and people efficiently and quickly.

My sons will learn to drive and hopefully get the impetus for getting a decent job and a car (or live near a train station)

fiddledee, its not really about the right to drive though is it? you seem to think that women who do drive are better than women who don't.

I don't think that the ability to change gears is really any sort of indication of what kind of a person someone is, male or female.

I will enable my children to learn to drive. But honestly cannot figure out why you think this applies specfically to daughters?

Fiddle, a car is 'essential' to you because of the lifestyle choices that you have made (and not in and of itself 'essential'). Ie. I am presuming you live in an area served poorly by public transport and/or you and your children do not cycle/live too far from school to walk. Other people make different (not necessarily better or worse) choices. Ie. to live in an area better served by public transport because they either do not drve or don't have access to a car. So we tend to move to areas that provide options that we as individuals see as important (ie. close to shops, good schools for kids, nice places to walk/cycle, good rail network close by). What I'm trying to say is that some of us are lucky enough to have control over our environment, and as such make choices that fit best with the priorities we have. You're car-dependent because your environment/outlook dictates that to be the case; it's not a 'given'. You see cars as essential because to you they have become so. Not necessarily the same for others as many posters have attested to.