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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we should all ensure our daughters can drive a car

366 replies

Fiddledee · 17/06/2011 08:33

So many posters saying they can't do x,y,z because they can't drive. Yes its expensive but I think alot more valuable than alot of other stuff we spend on our kids.

I will be marching my daughter to the learner driver school on the first day possible. Even if we couldn't afford it I would encourage her to learn asap after starting work and to save for it.

I just want to reduce the dependency of women on men driving them everywhere. We are not in the 1950s.

OP posts:
TheBride · 19/06/2011 07:13

???????- I was agreeing with you!! In other words, given the current cost curve of oil production, Riven's scenario is highly unlikely in our lifetimes except in a catastrophic global event- in which case, no-one would be worrying about how to get their kids to schools- we'd all be at home in our bunkers.

Peachy · 19/06/2011 08:55

Oh I don;t know TheBride, my boys attend schools 10 miles in each direction; luckily thier transport is provided by the LEA but we all have to pay council tax to cover such things! (SN, the ones who can walk to the local primary).

I;ve been thining about possibly gicing up driiving but if we did we couldn;t access the schools when needed (no taxis run if it's snowing, regualr statement meetings etc). Couldn;t get to the childminder who we but two mornings a week from. DH would have to be on call for anything involving bags as I tried to get ds4 on a bus once, took a whole load of passengers to help me (ASD, panicked).

I;d like to be like my aprents; at pushing 70 they cycle everywhere and really are fitter than me. Just not sure it would work where we are. As I remeber the bonus I also have to remember the stuff we did without- guides camps that I couldn;t get to as it was parent lifts, a trip to burnham On Sea being a once a year event, cycling around motorway roundabouts to get to my mate's house...... probably not.

exoticfruits · 19/06/2011 09:03

This is the second thread on driving and the fact that women need the skill. I can't see why, we would be betteroff with less people driving. And why daughters-why not equality -either all young people should learn or they all shouldn't.

smashinghairday · 19/06/2011 09:09

I think everyone should learn to drive and have that skill, regardless of whether they have a car or not.
My parents are getting older and if I didn't have a car they would struggle to get to appointments and I would find visiting them would take over an hour for a 12 minute drive.

There's really no argument, is there? having a driving licence is bloody useful and being abl eto drive puts you in a better position generally than not.

pigletmania · 19/06/2011 09:25

smashing thats a bit far fetched, as not everybody will be able to drive due to physical or mental health issues, and not everybody wants to. I don't buy that driving a car is essential, its a useful skill but not essential, you can function in life without being able to drive as people on here have demonstrated.

Riveninside · 19/06/2011 09:31

Agree with piglet. Car drivers just cant imagine how to get round without one. Sure it can be useful but in no way is it essential. When you dont drive you choose where you live based on that.

Peachy · 19/06/2011 09:35

Is it far fetched?

Grandad lives several miles from Mum, he is 91 and so spends a lot of time with mum. When he loses his licence Mum will be forced to make a bus trip of 40 minutes each way, including another 20 minutes walk to the bus stop.

A ten minute pop in and check you are OK and eating visit becomes a significant drain. Actually she does childcare for my sisters, one of whome works shifts and the other has a DH who works away..... it would cease to be possible.

It'll happen, we all know that, but it will absolutely impact on her life that she never learned to drive

Riveninside · 19/06/2011 09:36

No way would i cycle in the country now. I used too but now theres too many cars going to fast round twisty lanes with poor lines of sight. Too dangerous for other road users now :(

pigletmania · 19/06/2011 09:37

My friend who car shares with her dh has to use the bus or she cannot get to work. Now that her car has been in an accident she and her dh is reliant on the bus again.

pigletmania · 19/06/2011 09:39

It is peachy as believe it or not, not everyone will be able to drive or wants to, so to expect EVERYONE to drive is very far fetched indeed. Come to Milton Keynes Riven lots of lovely cycle paths here that are car free. Its so nice being able to cycle and not worry about cars knocking you over.

Peachy · 19/06/2011 09:39

That's fine Piglet but it really does depend on wher you live.

There's a clinic at the hospital I ahve to attend regualrly; it is not possible to drop boys at school then catch the bus ther in time. Without a car (we don't have a taxi company) a perosn would either have to take all tehir children off school or nto attend clinic (unless they ahd chidlcare obviosuly in whcih case i;d just say lucky bastard)

Peachy · 19/06/2011 09:40

of course that's the case piglet; as I said earlier my own eyesight is fading

but within possible there is a alrge measure of unplaeasant, downright difficult and give up it's just too hard.

pigletmania · 19/06/2011 09:47

I think that I must be lucky as i have a regular bus service outside my house, and the local amenities are well within reasonable walking distance. I will need to learn again in the future due to the nature of my career, I will need to travel around to visit clients.

Riveninside · 19/06/2011 09:48

I can nomlonger cycle sadly as my MS has progressed too far. My driving days are numbered too. But we lived years car free so we will manage. The only pita is taxis and buses are one wheelchair only. So we have to travel seperately if we take dd out. Its why we live in a city. Majority of things close by and easy reach. Only the hospital is down in the centre 7 miles away but we use hospital transport. Even with a car i wouldnt drive down there. Theres no parkng at all. Much easier to get a bus and the stop is opposite the hozzie.

pigletmania · 19/06/2011 10:02

Oh no Riven that is a bugger. To get to hospital which is a PITA I either ask deare I say it, dh to take me (its usually for dd paed appointments so he has to be involved as well) or I get a taxi.

pigletmania · 19/06/2011 10:04

basically you need a double lesson really when you learn to drive, and I don't have anyone to take me out, and that would be about £45 per week, which I don't have spare at the moment. Noway would I go out with dh as we would end up fighting, and his hand would be hovering over the handbreak the whole time.

forehead · 19/06/2011 10:17

Women, no excuses LEARN to drive. When my dc's are seventeen they are going to learn how to drive. They cannot wait and find it strange that other mummys cannot drive.
I am self employed and if i didn't have a car i would not be able to make the amount of money that i am.

forehead · 19/06/2011 10:24

I remember when my sister was in labour, her husband was unable to drive and therefore could not take her to the hospital. I had to drive 15 miles to my sister's house in order to take her to the hospital. LEarn how to drive ladies

Riveninside · 19/06/2011 11:07

All very well if you can afford it forehead. I have three teenagers. No way can i afford either my dd or my sons lessons. Or a car. None of them want to drive and if they do when they have finished univerisry they can pay for it themselves, like i did. Dd2 will never drive, being blind n all. Do you reckon her friends will tut if she needs a lift? Im shocked at themean spiritedness over lifts. When i have a car i am more than happy to give drivers and non drivers lifts. Thats what friends do.
My dh cannot drive. Its never affecetd his job at all. In fact,they are pleased he is always on time. 5 miles on a bicycle takes 30 minutes whatever the traffic.

Diege · 19/06/2011 11:21

I think that's a little bit prescriptive forehead. As many posters have mentioned, people have different lifestyles and priorities and make decisions about driving lessons accordingly. People who don't drive will plan their lives according to not being able to do so (ie. live in a city/town well served by public transport, or arrange lifts to hospital with a friend/relative who I'm sure (you included) would be happy to help with on the odd time they may be able to help in a difficult situation.
Riven makes a good point about time keeping. I don;t drive and as a result am always early/on time for work/appointments. My students/fellow lecturers are freque.ntly late, citing 'traffic' or, as is more usually the case, struggling to find a car parking space. Yes, driving is a skill, essential for some, but not everyone. If you can't drive you adjust your life accordingly, just as if you do drive, there are probably experiences ( eg. cycling to town) that you only do occasionally.

noir · 19/06/2011 11:26

Haha I've heard it all now, driving is an essential life skill?! I thought that at 26 years old to be in a profession i love, earning £51k, living in a beautiful flat in London (some 200 miles away from my hometown) with my hunky, loving partner my parents would be pretty proud of me sans driving license - but by your measure Bonsoir they probably regard me as unsophisticated, dependent and having limited horizons right?

You do realise that women who don't drive dont sit at home like delicate little paper dolls right? Im out at different night spots across London every weekend, and often use the train (big thing mechanical thing that George Stephenson invented) to party in Manchetser, Liverpool and Newcastle. One of my best friends is from Zaragosa in NE Spain so I often hop on a plane to see her or sometimes meet her in Barcelona for a catch up.

noir · 19/06/2011 11:29

Oh and this may be mean spirited but all my 20somthing female peers who drive are fat or at least getting a bit of pre-middle aged wobble coming on.

Diege · 19/06/2011 11:31

Good post noir. I know many non-drivers that travel far more widely and using a greater variety of modes than their car-bound peers Wink The more you think about it, the 'car as essential skill' does sound a little Jeremy Clarkesen-esque Grin

TheBride · 19/06/2011 11:37

Didn't we all agree about 10,000 posts ago that if you live and work within the M25 forever, you don't need to drive?