to keep trying to be friendly with someone who quite clearly can't stand me ...

[wudu]

...or should I just accept the the fact that she doesn't like me and just move on

I have a rocky 'relationship' with a colleague. Nothing has actually happened, as such, it's really quite odd. The more I try to be friendly to this person, the shittier she treats me.

To put it quite bluntly, for whatever reason, she can't stand me.

I have tried and tried over the last few years (to the point where I hardly recognise myself at times) and eventually came to the conclusion that she's never going to like/respect me, so fuck it, I just can't be arsed anymore and I completely ignored her.

I don't mean ignoring her as in saying nothing when she spoke to me btw, I mean ignoring her as in making no effort to try and converse/get on. I thought this would make me feel better and more empowered. It made me feel 10 times worse

I have tried again to speak to this woman, and quite simply, she just won't acknowledge me. On the rare occasion that she speaks to me (and I do mean rare!) it is a curt one-word.

Gah, I feel like such a knob for keep trying, and everytime I do and get knocked back/ignored, I end up feeling more shit about the whole thing.

Wtf is the matter with me?! Why can't I man-up and accept that this woman doesn't bloody like me!

Phyllis, I think you are so right there.

My colleague has been in my department for a long time [approx 15 years] and she knows the business inside out. She is good at what she does and the clients like her. However I know I am not the only colleague who finds her difficult as others have mentioned little incidents to me in confidence.

I have only been in the department for nearly 4 years so am still considered a newbie to some extent, not in regard to my responsibilities but rather my status I think. This woman would be hard to replace because of her level of experience within the company. Therefore i feel our manager does not really want to rock the boat with her. It makes the situation very difficult.

Ignore her.....its her problem , not yours. And if she cant be civil even, then dont let her walk all over you, stick up for yourself.

Good luck booty , interestingly enough that was very similar to the office that I took over. Once one person spoke to me, others followed.

My DP has a really good book called 'Difficult People', which I usually re-read when he has issues at work to try & advise. I think the suggestion up thread of having a counselling session is a good idea, that would probably help you deal with it & perhaps see things in a different light.

Have you talked it over with many friends? might be an idea to do so, especially if you know someone with good people skills, I have a couple of friends who I know will look at things sensibly & objectively with me when I have 'issues' sometimes.

I feel for you Wudu, I had a similar situation in my previous job. This colleague's behaviour towards me also deteriorated over the 3 years that I worked there - initially she could be almost friendly, towards the end she was (possibly) bullying me. I wracked my brains for something that I could have done to offend her to no avail. I tried most of strategies that I could think of to get along with her - friendly/ professional/etc - and in the end I just resorted to ignoring her and keeping out of her way. I have no idea why she took a dislike to me (other colleagues also commented on the situation), although it was suggested that maybe it was a pattern of behaviour and that if it wasn't me then it would have been someone else. Unfortunately, I think that the other posters are probably right when they say that you may be fighting a losing battle and there is nothing you can do other than accept her attitude. I'm sorry, as it's so upsetting to be at the receiving end of it.

Thank you for all your replies

After much thought, I have decided to try to rise above it

I intend to maintain professionalism as best I can, but without being a doormat to her.

I can't make her like me, (and yes, I can see that I've made things worse over the years by trying too hard), but what I can do is insist that she speaks to me civilly. I fully intend to grow a pair and pull her on any overt rudeness or unnecessary nastiness.

Wish me luck

IME if people don't like someone without just cause, it is 9 times out of 10 jealousy or feeling threatened by them.I don't mean threatened as in you would beat her up, but that you in some way undermine her job security or status.

OP, you seem really obsessed with her. Maybe that's making her feel creepy and she's been trying very hard to put you off. Either that, or she's just weird.
Why does she have to like you?