Here's my view on the Christian god. Christians, particularly the born-again variety, are of the opinion that you need to accept Jesus as lord and saviour in order to get into heaven, no matter how good a life you've lived. So good, moral, upstanding, selfless non-Christian folk are condemned to eternal suffering. That in itself is abhorrent to me.
Then the Christians will tell you that this is perfectly fair, because everyone has a chance to accept Jesus, so it's free will, and if you choose not to accept Jesus, well, you make your bed, you lie in it.
But how is this free will, exactly? It's like being presented with a bar full of tasty drinks, and the barman tells you to choose whichever one you like. Then he tells you they're all poisoned except one. But really, choose any one you like! How is that free will, exactly?
Life isn't fair, sadly. Awful things happen to good people, like your mum. And awful, awful people seem too often to live the good life.
How anyone can imagine a god in all that chaos is beyond me.
I have never felt a greater peace than the day I eliminated god from my life.
So sorry about your mum. We lost DH's mum last year after an incredibly brave fight. I'm devastated that my DDs will never know how amazing she was.