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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very frustrated that DH won't do any form of exercise

27 replies

Fiddledee · 13/06/2011 22:27

DH is exercise shy. DH has hit 40 and the weight is piling on. He is probably at least one stone overweight possibly two. He drives to work and sits at an office all day.

DH says he finds exercise boring. He keeps saying he wants to go back to cycling but either its too wet, too cold, too dark or he is too hungry/tired... Swimming too boring and too wet! He is not the body shape for running...

He won't budge, he is becoming a couch potato it is not attractive. I am worried about his weight and health plus the example he sets his children.

I don't know what to do. I can't make him go to a gym, tempted to drag him to the doctors. Last time he had gym membership he made excuses every day and it was a waste of money.

OP posts:
MitchiestInge · 13/06/2011 22:31

Does he like competitive sports? Football with the children? Maybe you could book a skiing holiday so he has something to get fit for, he might enjoy lessons.

There must be something physical he enjoys. Do you think he might have an under active thyroid or be depressed or is just in a lazy rut?

worraliberty · 13/06/2011 22:33

Oh I hate exercise so he has my every sympathy. Having said that, I love dashing around the park/beach like a mad woman while playing with the kids.

Are your kids young enough to do that? What about golf, a lot of people like that and there's lots of walking involved.

swanker · 13/06/2011 22:34

Why don't you find something you can do as a family?

cakeretention · 13/06/2011 22:35

Has he ever considered learning to sail? It's great excercise and interesting enough that you don't feel like you're exercising. It can be really thrilling/challenging too if you want it to be.

...Or you could swap some of him for some of VoluptuaGoodshag's DH over on Relationships :)

FunnysInTheGarden · 13/06/2011 22:38

maybe just let him decide when and how he exercises, and not on your terms? Accept him for who he is and not who you want him to be?

Original poster
Fiddledee · 13/06/2011 22:38

He hates competitive sports especially football. Both his parents looked down on sport and do none themselves.

He loves skiing but he just turns up and doesn't worry about getting fit for it.

Golf - refuses that too.

He takes kids to the park but doesn't run around, never see him run.

He says he likes cycling - he has been once in 5 years without the kids as a form of exercise.

OP posts:
fireblademum · 13/06/2011 22:38

I could have written this. Just got back from a run to find dh glued to sofa scoffing crisps. I've tried all sorts to get his arse moving. I can't suggest anything but you have my sympathy.

Original poster
Fiddledee · 13/06/2011 22:39

I have let him for the last 5 years decided when and how he exercises - one cycle ride in 5 years. So I thought I had better take some action!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fiddledee · 13/06/2011 22:42

Any suggestions what form of exercise we can do with pre-schoolers as a family, neither kids can cycle on their own yet nor can they swim yet independently. Open to suggestions.

OP posts:
FunnysInTheGarden · 13/06/2011 22:42

nonetheless, if he doesn't want to exercise he is just going to resent you badgering him. He is an adult, and if he doesn't want to exercise, he won't.

No axe to grind here BTW. Both DH and I go to the gym twice a week, but I know that if someone tried to make me go I would resent them for it.

FunnysInTheGarden · 13/06/2011 22:44

Our solution is for us to both have gym membership and we go on our own as our 'me' time. Our DC are 5 and 1.5. There is really nothing we can do as a family which would constitute proper exercise.

fireblademum · 13/06/2011 22:45

Trouble is Funnysinthe garden I can't speak for the op but I worry about dh health. He sits there getting fatter, fair enough but its the breathlessness, and lack of condition that bothers me. I can see him losing mobility relatively young and having a thoroughly miserable old age. Hard to watch in someone you care about.

FunnysInTheGarden · 13/06/2011 22:50

fire it must be hard, but the impetus needs to come from him. If it comes from you, it will be counter productive. Maybe he needs to be 'sold' it as 'me time'? ie go to the gym and then why not stop off for a pint on the way home etc......

worraliberty · 13/06/2011 22:57

Can you get kiddie seats for your bikes?

If they can't swim yet, swimming is a great idea...you can teach them and have fun at the same time.

MitchiestInge · 13/06/2011 23:00

Or trail-a-bikes? Or maybe if he had a dream bike to show off he would want to use it?

It must be a bit worrying if you marry an active person who goes all lethargic and boring after a while. Are you sure he isn't depressed?

SpecialFriedRice · 13/06/2011 23:05

Regular vigorous sex would be a good form of exercise... But yeah I suppose cycling is just as good - not as fun though! :o

fireblademum · 13/06/2011 23:14

Thanks funnys. Yeah I learned pushing is counter productive. Unfortunately he says he doesn't want 'me time' he likes family time. We do a bit of walking as a family, but lo is to small to go far. Things might get better as lo year able to walk further I hope. Off to bed now, I'm tired from my run!

DoesItWearingWellies · 13/06/2011 23:27

Although it's not as a family, is there a charity walk/run in your area that you could train together for? (as long as childcare's not a problem, of course). Otherwise, the only thing I can suggest is getting child seats or trailers for your bikes (or if DCs are big enough, the "clip on" children's bikes that attach to the adult bike) and perhaps have a cycle once a week with a picnic in the middle?

DumSpiroSpero · 13/06/2011 23:44

I agree with Funny - he will end up resenting you if you keep on at him.

Also, playing devil's advocate - can you imagine the uproar if a bloke posted something along those lines about his DW, regardless of how good his reasons were (health etc)?

I'm biased cos I loathe exercise myself, although I have started Zumba recently and love that - might be worth a try! I also like boxing, step & yoga on the Wii Fit, swimming when I get the chance and I fit in an hour's walk while DD is at Rainbows once a week, weather permitting (I really do hate exercise - honest! Grin). How about an exercise bike if he enjoys cycling but is inclined to use the weather as an excuse?

Original poster
Fiddledee · 14/06/2011 07:59

Thanks for the replies fire we are in the same boat I can just see him ageing and crumbling before my eyes. I do find him less attractive as a result I must admit.

Dum I wouldn't be offended if it was a DW instead of DH - everybody should do exercise several times each week especially if you have a sedentary job. I see it as pure laziness on his part.

Have thought of getting a cross trainer and an exercise bike - they are big though and I am worried I would be the only one to use them, I think this may be the only solution but goodness knows where in the house they would go.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 14/06/2011 08:06

Buy him a dog that needs lots of walks Grin

Asinine · 14/06/2011 08:06

Would he walk a dog?

But obviously don't get one unless you all really want one, and are prepared to look after it.

Our activity level has gone right up since getting our dog.

Asinine · 14/06/2011 08:07

Squeaky Grin

Asinine · 14/06/2011 08:09

How about a DIY project or gardening? So exercise disguised as doing something useful... Like hiding veg in bolognaise iyswim

Flisspaps · 14/06/2011 08:19

If a woman came on here saying her DH was badgering her to do some exercise and lose some weight as he thought she was a stone or two more than she should be and that he didn't find her attractive any more, there would be fucking uproar.