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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in being pissed off with friend for letting SIL down?

88 replies

wineinhand · 13/06/2011 21:40

Namechanger - not sure if friend is a MNer.

Basically SIL is a photographer, she wants to specialize in newborn photography. I put her in touch with a friend of mine who has a (prem) newborn. They arranged a time together, then friend let her down. Too exhausted. Can't be rearranged as baby will be too big (can't 'mould' after a certain age). Friend would have had free 7x5" photo for her trouble.

I feel bad that SIL has been let down by someone I recommended. I sent a message apologizing. If I thought she'd be unreliable I wouldn't have suggested her.

DH thinks friend may be starting to get PND. We can't see her ATM due to contagious pox in the house. I'm sort of torn as I remember the horror of newborn exhaustion (I have PND), but on the other hand, all she had to do was drive 20 mins and 'be there'. Nothing else really.

WWYD? Any thoughts please?

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 13/06/2011 21:44

YABU. She has a newborn and is knackered. So what if she would have got a free photo? And it's a bit harsh describing her as 'unreliable'! I couldn't and wouldn't have driven 20 mins so some photographer could have had a free model to practise on.

diggingintheribs · 13/06/2011 21:45

If your SIL was going to her I think you could say your friend was a tiny bit unreasonable given she was going to get a nice photo (although only one seems a bit tight!)

However, I remember the newborn phase and a 20 min drive and 'being' somewhere would not have been high on my list. Slouching around in my pjs on the other hand.....

GreenEyesandHam · 13/06/2011 21:46

What does 'can't mould after a certain age' mean?

Gastonladybird · 13/06/2011 21:47

Yabu- you might as well have said photo shoot was on mars when dd just born.

Original poster
wineinhand · 13/06/2011 21:47

OK fair enough. I didn't coerce anyone BTW. She did agree to it, and wanted to do it.

Should say baby is 6 weeks old now.

I do honestly remember the exhaustion.

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 13/06/2011 21:48

Perhaps she didn't want to do it,perhaps she went off of the idea,maybe she couldn't be arsed. Perhaps a print of her baby is no big deal,most people tale loads of pictures themselves & she may not be bothered about 1 professional print. Just turning up may actually have been too much.
I'd imagine she is exhausted having had a prem baby. Is your dh an expert on pnd aside from your experience.
Yabu.

cjbartlett · 13/06/2011 21:48

Yabu
why couldn't sil have driven to her?

Original poster
wineinhand · 13/06/2011 21:49

From what I understand it's these sort of pictures.

After a certain point in development it isn't possible, so they couldn't rearrange.

OP posts:
onepieceofcremeegg · 13/06/2011 21:50

My first reaction is that if your sil is going to specialise in newborn photography then she is going to have to get used to this.

Lots of people are "unreliable" ime. And new parents (imo) have more reasons than most to be unreliable.

I am very cautious in recommending people in this way. Only because I am quite sensitive/over sensitive and would hate to feel that I was in some way responsible for any let down of this nature.

Original poster
wineinhand · 13/06/2011 21:50

SIL has a studio so couldn't have done it elsewhere.

OP posts:
bubblecoral · 13/06/2011 21:50

YABVU. Your friend, who has a prem baby, has more important things to think about than doing favours for her friends SIL.

What makes either of you think she wants a photo that much? She can take her own, equally as cute pictures.

MrsCampbellBlack · 13/06/2011 21:50

YABU - newborns are hard but add prematurity into the mix and really its a very very stressful time.

PaisleyLeaf · 13/06/2011 21:50

I'm not sure I'd want my newborn 'moulded' either.

diggingintheribs · 13/06/2011 21:51

Still - I think at that stage you can find getting out the house is suddenly derailed by a bad night etc.

I would have thought that if specialising as a newborn photographer she should consider home visits!

And if she wants to offer an attractive free gift there have to be some 6x4's for the GPs thrown in too!!

And what does the moulding thing mean???

Original poster
wineinhand · 13/06/2011 21:51

OK, I see IABU, I will keep my beak out of it :)

OP posts:
onepieceofcremeegg · 13/06/2011 21:53

This probably sounds horrible but I don't like the pictures you linked to. Beatiful beautiful babies of course. :) However I don't like the thought that they have been moved about/"moulded" while peacefully sleeping.

If I had been asked to do this with one of my newborns, I may have agreed to it initially but then had I realised the type of pictures I think I would have backed out.

Portofino · 13/06/2011 21:53

Oh YUK! That is nasty!

BluddyMoFo · 13/06/2011 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoAteMySnickers · 13/06/2011 21:53

YABU.

It reads to me as if your friend was doing your SIL a favour by allowing her to use her child to build up her portfolio... "SIL is a photographer, she wants to specialise in newborn photography". She probably realised that a free photo wasn't worth the hassle.

AnyFuleKno · 13/06/2011 21:54

you are loopy. Your poor friend.

Original poster
wineinhand · 13/06/2011 21:54

I don't really have an opinion on the type of pics. That was known by friend when she volunteered.

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 13/06/2011 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curlyredhead · 13/06/2011 21:54

Those photos are really creepy. I don't want pictures of my babies squidged into weird shapes. I can see why your friend pulled out, nevermind the tiredness of having a premmie newborn.

squeakytoy · 13/06/2011 21:55

I think those photos are absolutely horrible..... I really do.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/06/2011 21:56

I wonder if it's because of cost, OP? Sometimes it's easy to agree to something and in hindsight, realise that it can't be afforded.

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