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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in being pissed off with friend for letting SIL down?

88 replies

wineinhand · 13/06/2011 21:40

Namechanger - not sure if friend is a MNer.

Basically SIL is a photographer, she wants to specialize in newborn photography. I put her in touch with a friend of mine who has a (prem) newborn. They arranged a time together, then friend let her down. Too exhausted. Can't be rearranged as baby will be too big (can't 'mould' after a certain age). Friend would have had free 7x5" photo for her trouble.

I feel bad that SIL has been let down by someone I recommended. I sent a message apologizing. If I thought she'd be unreliable I wouldn't have suggested her.

DH thinks friend may be starting to get PND. We can't see her ATM due to contagious pox in the house. I'm sort of torn as I remember the horror of newborn exhaustion (I have PND), but on the other hand, all she had to do was drive 20 mins and 'be there'. Nothing else really.

WWYD? Any thoughts please?

OP posts:
create · 13/06/2011 22:19

Ok, I missed that, but I was making a genuine suggestion to help your SIL's business. I think she will do much more business if she visits her customers

Original poster
wineinhand · 13/06/2011 22:22

It honestly does make a difference with lighting/props etc.

I think it's a business which is always going to struggle. It's just not what people want to spend their money on when things are so tight.

Also for newborns, most people are just on mat leave watching their pennies. It's not really for me to advise on that though.

I just feel if you make a commitment you should stick to it.

OP posts:
saycheese · 13/06/2011 22:27

30 minutes for a shoot?? really thats no time at all for a shoot.... especially when using lighting and props. It sometimes takes that just to get one picture perfectly lit.

proudfoot · 13/06/2011 22:34

YABU and I agree with the others that the pics are hideous - moulded babies indeed Hmm

Original poster
wineinhand · 13/06/2011 22:42

OK IABU - I shouldn't be pissed off. I keep saying it, and I will support friend once I'm able to. I appreciate opinions. Everyone on here is so mad about the style but Friend likes it. That is not the sticking point here.

I'm not the photographer.

I don't know why this makes me loopy.

OP posts:
annh · 13/06/2011 22:43

How on earth could a shoot with a newborn take only 30 mins? The baby could spend that long crying with hunger, exhaustion, whatever else it is that makes babies cry. Then baby might have had a dirty nappy or needed feeding. Only then could your SIL start trying to "mould" the baby. Your poor friend might have ended up spending the afternoon in the studio. I seriously think if your SIL wants to do newborn photography she is going to have to be very flexible and willing to do home visits.

Original poster
wineinhand · 13/06/2011 22:45

Honestly - She has photographed my Dcs, and my wedding. She is really good! I have never spent more than 30 mins in the studio, and the photos have been great (although not in this style).

I agree that he might have needed feeding or been tired though.

OP posts:
sneaker · 13/06/2011 22:54

F*cking hell people - OP has just been caught it the middle. It's not her fault her friend let her SIL down. Yes 6 week old babies are hard, but come on, how long can you ride on the back of having a newborn before you have to take responsibility for your actions?

There was never anything in this for the OP - she just put the two in touch for mutual benefit. I agree the style is creepy, but that was not the ishoo was it?

OP YANBU

piprabbit · 13/06/2011 22:57

I wouldn't have wanted to plan to be anywhere with a newborn (let alone premature) baby.

BTW, if your SIL is worried about parents on maternity leave watching the pennies - perhaps she could offer a voucher that could be bought in advance (by workplace/doting grandparents etc.) - provided she was very flexible about when it could be used, and refunding in the event of problems with the baby or mother (stillbirth, illness etc.).

AnyFuleKno · 13/06/2011 23:16

well sneaker I would agree with you if it weren't for the fact that OP has posted about being pissed off at her friend for letting the photographer down.

atswimtwolengths · 13/06/2011 23:22

Sorry, I know this isn't the point of the thread, but those pictures are really vile!

chipmonkey · 13/06/2011 23:40

Having had a prem newborn, I can say that at 6 weeks, ds3 turned from a lovely compliant, sleepy little thing to a full-on demanding colicky nightmare. Luckily a wise PHN ( Irish HV) had told me this would happen or I would have been tearing my hair out. Cut your friend some slack, she sounds as if she is probably struggling. Also in that article it does say the shoots last 3-4 hours. Did your friend read that?

mumeeee · 13/06/2011 23:43

YABU. SHe has a newborn, I've just had a lok at the photos and think they are awful. Why would you want your baby moulded,

BettyTurnip · 13/06/2011 23:59

I quite like those photos Blush...

...I'll get me coat....

vintageteacups · 14/06/2011 00:06

Sorry - but I don't like the pictures either - I certainly don't think newborns should be 'moulded' into positions where they're propping their own head up on the heads/arms - not nice!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 14/06/2011 01:55

Those photos are unnatural and most unsettling - I'd happily remould the features of anyone who attempted to mould my newborn.

Is your SIL a qualified physiotherapist?

5DollarShake · 14/06/2011 04:35

Wow people - the OP did not ask for opinions on the style of photos - why the need to be so rude? Hmm Because it's AIBU?

I understand that it's annoying when people let others down - I really do, it's a pet bugbear of mine. But I think parents of newborns are an exception to this rule - especially parents of prem newborns. And especially parents of prem newborns who're possibly verging on PND. So I do think YABU, even though I'd probably also feel awkward in your shoes.

As someone else said though, if your SIL specifically wants to photograph newborns, she might have to steel herself for being let down last-minute quite frequently. :)

5DollarShake · 14/06/2011 04:37

Izzy - presumably, the OP's sister doesn't break into houses in the dead of night, mould the babies into various contortions and snap them in said poses, all without the full say so and permission of their parents.

saffy85 · 14/06/2011 08:08

I'm glad you've accepted YABU. As someone who gave birth at 3am yesterday morning to my second baby I can honestly say things I've agreed to do for right after DS's birth I've realised in the cold light of day now that he's here I can't be arsed with. I'm in pain, exhausted, trying to establish BF and trying to ensure my eldest DC isn't feeling left out of anything. Having DS's pictures done professionally wouldn't be at the forefront of my mind for ages.

Hopefully your SIL's business will take off but probably if she's going to specialise in babies she's going to have to get used to people cancelling on her, often at last minute.

Thingiebob · 14/06/2011 08:19

Some of these pics are strange and unatural.

AgentProvocateur · 14/06/2011 08:24

Snorting coffee at WhoAteMySnickers "inexperienced baby bender"!

Groovee · 14/06/2011 08:28

My friend is a newborn photographer who travels to baby, Your SIL needs to be more flexible if she wants work

Callisto · 14/06/2011 08:29

Yuck - those pictures are awful, truly dreadful. And so show-offy somehow.

Elliebobs · 14/06/2011 08:42

YABU, you say you remember what it's like having a newborn, but do you have any idea of the stress your friend has been through having had a prem baby? When my little boy was 6 weeks old I spent most of my time crying and feeding.

kitkatya · 14/06/2011 08:44

That kind of baby photo is very popular at the moment. They cost a bomb too. It would be a very eager mother that would have the energy to get up and out with a newborn. My niece did it but she's only 21 and likes to be with the latest fashion.

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