Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in being pissed off with friend for letting SIL down?

88 replies

wineinhand · 13/06/2011 21:40

Namechanger - not sure if friend is a MNer.

Basically SIL is a photographer, she wants to specialize in newborn photography. I put her in touch with a friend of mine who has a (prem) newborn. They arranged a time together, then friend let her down. Too exhausted. Can't be rearranged as baby will be too big (can't 'mould' after a certain age). Friend would have had free 7x5" photo for her trouble.

I feel bad that SIL has been let down by someone I recommended. I sent a message apologizing. If I thought she'd be unreliable I wouldn't have suggested her.

DH thinks friend may be starting to get PND. We can't see her ATM due to contagious pox in the house. I'm sort of torn as I remember the horror of newborn exhaustion (I have PND), but on the other hand, all she had to do was drive 20 mins and 'be there'. Nothing else really.

WWYD? Any thoughts please?

OP posts:
Portofino · 13/06/2011 21:56

Do people really DO stuff like this? My favourite pic off dd was her asleep on the sofa at a few weeks old - no posing necessary,

Original poster
wineinhand · 13/06/2011 21:57

Lying - there wasn't a cost to friend.

OP posts:
cjbartlett · 13/06/2011 21:57

Tbh I think you should tell your sil that her newfound venture is going nowhere

why doesn't she go into wedding photography? That's where the money is

Original poster
wineinhand · 13/06/2011 21:58

She does all sorts of photography. I think it's a hard market whatever you specialize in - people have digital cameras now, and recession is biting everyone.

OP posts:
PelvicFloors0fSteel · 13/06/2011 21:58

Four words: 'six week growth spurt'

DS2 didn't go 20 mins between feeds sometimes at that stage so I can see why a 20 min drive might be too much.

HooverTheHamaBeads · 13/06/2011 21:58

Those pics are completely vile and just copying Anne Geddes' style in any event.

YABU.

cjbartlett · 13/06/2011 21:58

True

BaronessBomburst · 13/06/2011 21:58

Those photos are awful!!! Yuk, yuk, yuk!!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/06/2011 21:59

I realise about the free photo 7x5 but wonder if there would have been other costs too or pressure for a follow-up?

I don't think I'd want my baby squished about either. Perhaps as the other posters suggested, your friend has looked into this a little more and decided that too. Confused

WhoAteMySnickers · 13/06/2011 21:59

Eeew horrible photos. Now I definitely don't blame your mate for backing out. I wouldn't let some inexperienced baby bender do that to my PFB!

Original poster
wineinhand · 13/06/2011 21:59

OK everyone I hear you.

OP posts:
ballstoit · 13/06/2011 22:00

Those pictures are very odd IMO. What is more beautiful than a baby sleeping in a natural position?

YABU, your friend didn't want to go any more and doesn't have to explain herself to you or SIL. If she's offering such a great deal, it shouldn't be hard to find other parents of newborns to do it for her. Has she thought of NCT/ Sure Start Centre/ Midwife clinics at GP surgery? Nearer to her studio?

bluebobbin · 13/06/2011 22:00

Allsorts could be going on for her with a 6 wk old prem so just cut her some slack.

Anyyway, you shouldn't feel bad for recommending her, you were trying to help. Not your fault it didn't work out.

swanker · 13/06/2011 22:01

Wow! I would be so scared of damaging my pfb by 'moulding' it! Let alone a premmie baby... YABU I'm afraid- would you have let SIL do this to your babies? within the 5-10 day window?

AnyFuleKno · 13/06/2011 22:02

I had a full term baby but at six weeks I was barely able to get fully dressed until about dinner time, let alone know what day it was or keep an appointment.

Perhaps your mate could do with some support

activate · 13/06/2011 22:03

those photos are manipulatively disgusting IMHO your SIL should look for a different line of work if she is attracted to that kind of fakery (also the photoshop on them is fairly obvious - no 6 week old has that kind of skin, well very few of them)

and offering a 7 x 5 is really not worth it to anyone

Original poster
wineinhand · 13/06/2011 22:04

SIL did take lush pics of our DCs when they were tiny, but not in this style.

I accept I should keep out of it. I think as others have said it's a very specific market, and by nature of taking newborn photographs she'll deal with parents of newborns who are shattered.

Once my kids are healthy again I will see friend, not mention this, and help her out.

OP posts:
MrsCampbellBlack · 13/06/2011 22:05

Smile wineinhand

bubblecoral · 13/06/2011 22:06

I'm so glad it's not just me that found those photos really creepy!

PaisleyLeaf · 13/06/2011 22:08

I don't think a 7'x5' pic is much of a payment either.
I can't see anything in it for your friend at all. It was a big ask, she's exhausted and it's an unnatural thing to do to a young baby.

create · 13/06/2011 22:12

"all she had to do was drive 20 mins and 'be there'"

YABU. With a newborn DS1 (less than 10 days?) it would have taken me all day and considerable emotional energy to prepare fora 20 min drive.

Perhaps if your SIL is to make a business of this she needs to make it easier for new mums and visit them?

Original poster
wineinhand · 13/06/2011 22:16

OK - but remember friend did volunteer for said pics. Whatever the style is, she knew what was being asked, and wanted to take part. I think the taste of the pics is irrelevant. I feel bad because SIL did prep work, and booked her time.

Having a newborn is HARD. I know. I am sympathetic honestly. 20mg of citalopram a day will back me up on this. I feel that because it was free SIL was just dropped.

As I said, I'll be back in action being a friend, and being supportive once the pox has cleared here.

OP posts:
saycheese · 13/06/2011 22:16

I'm a photographer (still studying, going into my third year) and if i want to practice on someone to get shots for my portfolio i would give them all the pics i take for free on a disk. I dont think its worth anyone driving 20 miles for a shoot which would probably take at least an hour or two for a copy of one picture.

Original poster
wineinhand · 13/06/2011 22:17

create It's her 2nd child.

OP posts:
Original poster
wineinhand · 13/06/2011 22:18

Just a few points - It's 20 mins, not miles. Shoot would take approx 30 mins.

OP posts: