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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

being made to breastfeed upstairs-aibu

46 replies

biddysmama · 13/06/2011 11:01

on christmas day i went to my mums like we always do, ds2 was 4 months old, we were eating dinner at the table and ds started to fuss, i picked him up and went to lift my top to nurse him and my mum shook her head at me... so i moved to a chair away from the table thinking she meant not while people were eating ... she came over and said i had to feed him upstairs as she has a "no skin"rule downstairs now after my diabetic nana started injecting herself in the top of the leg in front of everyone.. so 1)aibu to think its not the same thing? and 2) since im not allowed to bf in her living room and habe to go upstairs aibu not to bother going anymore since shes said the same everytime ive gone there?

(sorry about all the aibu's today, ive not had a computer since june lol)

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/06/2011 11:03

It's June now. Do you mean last June? Has this been weighing on your mind since Christmas with no outlet for you? Confused

aurorastargazer · 13/06/2011 11:04

i'm not too sure how to reply to this one, i don't think you are being unreasonable about feeding your ds i think it's more to do with the 'sensibilities' (sorry for the old-fashioned word, i couldn't hink of another one) of the others at the table. does she expect you to feed ds in a locked bathroom so there is no chance at all of anyone else seeing you feed your child? what would happen if your ds was older and weaned? would you be expected to feed him elsewhere too?

Cat98 · 13/06/2011 11:04

Yanbu. Jeez. They are so not the same! Maybe show your mum some bf info so she can see the good you are doing for her grandchild!

Original poster
biddysmama · 13/06/2011 11:07

if i'd h\d a comp i would have asked at christmas, im asking now because she says the same thing everytime we go, i have to nurse him in her bedroom

OP posts:
TheSkiingGardener · 13/06/2011 11:07

She didn't say don't breastfeed, or breastfeeding is disgusting. She stated a rule she has in HER house for her own reasons. I would discuss it with her and ask her why she feels she has to be so strict about it and whether there can be a compromise.

She wasn't knocking breastfeeding from what I can see.

belgo · 13/06/2011 11:08

What a stupid rule. And your poor Nana - is she made to go and hide while she gives her life saving injections?

Do they also measure the amount of cleavage/thigh on show for this 'no skin' rule?

iwanttoseethezoo · 13/06/2011 11:09

Ridiculous. Tell her she's being silly, and feeding a baby (esp. when sometimes it must be just you and her in the room?) is not obscene. The amount of 'skin' you expose is minimal, for goodness' sake. Tell her you'll have to come round less if you have to go upstairs to feed the baby every time - and she won't see her grandchild as much.

MassagesDeclinedByNetmums · 13/06/2011 11:09

I bf DS at the christmas dinner table. YANBU.

luckylavender · 13/06/2011 11:11

Her house her rules I reckon. I BF but I can understand where she is coming from. My Dad was very prickly about it - and I can see his point of view. I equally loathed it when people tried to make me BF in front of them.

ShatnersBassoon · 13/06/2011 11:15

Her house, her rules I suppose. It's not that much trouble to pop upstairs, and if it means you can still visit your family it's probably worth doing it. Keep letting her know you think it's ridiculous of her to banish you, but don't let it cause upset.

I breastfed my children all over the place, but I never tried to make a stand against people that made it clear they didn't want to catch a glimpse of my breasts. Their loss.

Eglu · 13/06/2011 11:16

I can possibly understand her not wanting you to feed atthe table. Although that is still rather prudish. However insisting you go upstairs is awfyl. I wouldn't go there.

meditrina · 13/06/2011 11:19

It's not the same thing. And I don't think she's being particularly reasonable.

But I have to agree that it's her house her rules. It would be entirely reasonable for you not to go to her house for the duration because of this.

thursday · 13/06/2011 11:21

i would just not go round there. i certainly wouldn't have done if my mother banished me from sight every time the baby was hungry. no skin rule?? that's even more bizarre than people who have a problem with feeding in public. what does she say if you're out btw? send you to the toilet?

Original poster
biddysmama · 13/06/2011 11:23

i have been out with her and she makes me go back to the car and feed him/her instead of going into a cafe or sitting on a bench

OP posts:
maras2 · 13/06/2011 11:25

Though over 30 years ago,I still feel a bit miffed tha my MIL expected me to bf in a different room.She said it was to spare my FIL's blushes.However I just got on with it to keep the peace and quite honestly I'm glad I didn't kick off as they were lovely people, just a bit old fashioned and prudish.FIL's dead now and I never did ask him if he wanted his blushes to be spared.

TattyDevine · 13/06/2011 11:26

Don't let your mother tell you what to do at your age. Its one thing having wishes for her own house but she can't tell you not to go into a cafe - just go in without her.

And don't go to her house if you are made to feel unwelcome - refuse her invites and tell her why.

She is unreasonable but if you don't stand up to her she'll never change.

aurorastargazer · 13/06/2011 11:26
Shock she is treating you like a child that is doing something that you should be ashamed of Sad
TotallyLovely · 13/06/2011 11:27

i have been out with her and she makes me go back to the car and feed him/her instead of going into a cafe or sitting on a bench

She makes you?! Your a grown woman and you don't need to do what your mum says when you are out in public, it's none of her business. Next time she tells you to go to the car say "no I am feeding my baby, if the sight of that offends you, YOU go to the car!"

In her house it's not so easy, i'd be tempted just to not go around there. When she asks why you don't visit any more you can tell her that there is no point seeing as you'll spend all your time in a bedroom.

Original poster
biddysmama · 13/06/2011 11:29

i can kinda understand her being uncomfortable with me bf a toddler (or both at the same time lol) because i was myself before i had children and bf them but not the baby, thats 'normal' but the toddler on bf's at sleep times or when shes hurt/ill

OP posts:
MassagesDeclinedByNetmums · 13/06/2011 11:30

"she makes me go back to the car" Shock

You DEFINITELY need to stand up for yourself outside of her home. My dad told me to take DS out of his carseat and feed him on the motorway a few weeks ago as he was crying. My exact words were "fuck off".

yomellamoHelly · 13/06/2011 11:30

I would stop seeing her while bfing tbh. Whole thing would just make me rather sad.

aurorastargazer · 13/06/2011 11:30

fwiw i agree with totally in telling your mother to go to the car. i know it's not easy telling your mother to sod off but i think you need to becasue otherwise she will keep on doing this, you are a grown woman feeding her baby.

minxofmancunia · 13/06/2011 11:33

She sounds like a dragon tbh, the table thing i can understand her house her rules I suppose and I'd always go in a different room when there were elderly rels about but "making" you go back to the car is appalling!! I've bf in every cafe known round here, John lewis cafe is boobs and babes everywhere and no one bats an eyelid!

When out and about it's your perogative to have a nice latte or smoothie in a comfy cosy cafe whilst bf, I've tried doing it in the car and it's bloody awkward.

ZombiePlan · 13/06/2011 11:33

I think that, when under her roof, you do have to respect her rules even if you don't like them (and I can see why you wouldn't be happy, but I do think that when you're at her place you have to suck it up or not go). In public, it's a totally different kettle of fish - you need to remember that she can only "make" you feed him in private if you give her that power over you. Maybe you might find it easier to invite her to yours for the next few times, so it's on your turf and your rules, then you can move to feeding openly in public...

squeakytoy · 13/06/2011 11:34

She "makes" you??? You are an adult, she cant "make" you do anything!

I think she is within her rights though to ask you to bf in the privacy of a bedroom, that is reasonable as it is in her own house, and clearly she is rather old fashioned and prudish if she cant cope with seeing her own daughter doing what is a natural thing. Assuming you are not flopping the whole boob out and are being discreet rather than making a huge "look at me breasfeeding" sort of statement.

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