being made to breastfeed upstairs-aibu

[biddysmama]

on christmas day i went to my mums like we always do, ds2 was 4 months old, we were eating dinner at the table and ds started to fuss, i picked him up and went to lift my top to nurse him and my mum shook her head at me... so i moved to a chair away from the table thinking she meant not while people were eating ... she came over and said i had to feed him upstairs as she has a "no skin"rule downstairs now after my diabetic nana started injecting herself in the top of the leg in front of everyone.. so 1)aibu to think its not the same thing? and 2) since im not allowed to bf in her living room and habe to go upstairs aibu not to bother going anymore since shes said the same everytime ive gone there?

(sorry about all the aibu's today, ive not had a computer since june lol)

As others have said, her house is one thing, but why are you letting her tell you what to do elsewhere? You need to act like an adult.

Tell her to get fucked.

Her house her rules. The rest of the world, do what YOU want. I know it's hard standing up to your Mum, they can have magic powers over us sometimes, but seriously, time to say NO.

Hell's bells, you go back to the car to feed when you're out with your mum? You're a fool if that's the case.

YANBU but she definitely is. The 'no skin' rule sounds ridiculous. In your position I would not visit her house anymore and tell her why. And incidentally, you do not have to do as she says when you are out with her - you are an adult! So calmly tell her you will decide where you feed your baby thank you, then do it.

Agree, why is your mother telling you what to do when you are out in public??

Her house, her rules. But, you are equally entitled to decline to visit until she 'lets' your DS have his meal downstairs with everyone else.

My in-laws also insist I BF DD in their spare room. MIL has not given a reason. Unfortunately, DD tends to feed for over a hr so when we visit I have to spend large parts of the time upstairs. I have to accept that it is their house and that's what they want.

Why on earth are you doing what she says while out in public? If she doesn't want to come to a cafe with you while you BF, her loss. She can sit in the car.

Harder for visits to her house- I'd be tempted to not go if she's that uncomfortable with it, just invite her to yours instead.

I feel sorry for your nan too.

What TimeWasting said.

This is madness. You are feeding a baby the way nature intended you to do it. I would definitely dig my heels in about this one, and I'm a total pushover usually.

I would NOT visit anyone who made me hide in another room to feed my child...whatever age the child was, however many children I was feeding at once, whatever bizarre 'no-skin' rules they had in their house. It's entirely pointless to go to someone elses house so you can hide in their spare room for an hour.

Clearly, those of us who are comfortable doing it DO need to make a 'huge look at me breastfeeding' statement, in order to RE-normalise public breast feeding, so that bizarre attitudes like this are challenged.

It is feeding a baby ffs, not masturbating in public. This is symptomatic of a messed up society that sexualises every aspect of a woman's life, to the point where feeding an effing baby is seen as some kind of exhibitionism.

In the words of my lovely midwife..'They're not there to fill your jumper up love'.

(rant over )

She can set the rules in her house. It's a bit Victorian, but it's her house.

When you're out though, you do whatever you want.

If this were my Mum ( and luckily, my Mum's frequently bfed my siblings in front of me so it deffo isn't!) I would refuse to go round to her house and tell her it was because of her ridiculous "no skin" rule and if out and about I would refuse point blank to go anywhere private to feed. I fed ds2 at a relative's dinner party in front of a bunch of aunts and uncles and no-one batted an eyelid, they were too interested in their own food to watch ds2 having his!

Given that it takes 20ish mins to feed a baby, and less than a minute to inject yourself, YANBU.

I assume she is covered from head to toe?

Shocking that she would put her sensibilities over the health of her grandchild and mother/MIL!

"Clearly, those of us who are comfortable doing it DO need to make a 'huge look at me breastfeeding' statement, in order to RE-normalise public breast feeding, so that bizarre attitudes like this are challenged."

Very good point. This thread needs to be linked to every time the "but do it discreetly" brigade pop up

It is odd if there are just the two of you, I think it is odd for her to be uncomfortable. In her house and it is prerogative to ask this; ask her to come to your home and then do what you like.

IF you are out then then her sit in the car.

stegasaurus I would turn up, go upstairs, feed baby, then leave again as you have to be somewhere. A few visits of that and they might realise how ridiculous the rule is.

Actually, I would argue that a diabetic injecting and a baby breastfeeding are quite comparable.

They are both methods by which a human being nourishes him/herself/keeps him/herself alive.

Neither is disgusting in the least. One might even say both were beautiful.

The OP's mother is BU on both counts, I believe.

hi biddy i hope your situtaion has eased?

Tell her that it is not customary to eat in the bedroom, and baby prefers to eat where the rest of you eat.

Next time she visits serve her lunch upstairs in the bedroom while the rest of you eat downstairs. If she complains tell her that she made your DS eat upstairs so you assumed she would be happy doing the same.