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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to leave my 3yr old at a party?

32 replies

shadycharacter · 12/06/2011 14:40

DS1 has been invited to his first "non-family" party. I think it's the boys 4th birthday. DS1 is 4 in October but very grown up for his age and I don't think he'd bat an eyelid at being left with his friends from pre-school to have fun! BUT do you think I'm expected to stay?? I don't mind but I have his baby brother to look after and it'd be a bit awkward bringing him along!
It's not like I could stay and help or anything either as it's not a party in a house, I'd imagine it's being organised by the party company iyswim.
I'd be mortified being the only mum to drop and go but don't want to be the only mum hanging around either. What to do?!

OP posts:
BooyHoo · 12/06/2011 14:42

why would it be awkward to bring his baby brother? it's no more awkward than going out for lunch. bring bottles/nappies/change of clotehs etc with you and find a seat.

MumblingRagDoll · 12/06/2011 14:42

If it is not in a house then you should stay. 3 is far too young to leave in the company of strangers at some venue.

MumblingRagDoll · 12/06/2011 14:43

Yes...it's normal to fetch litle siblings along.

IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp · 12/06/2011 14:44

Why don't you go to the party and see what the other mums do?

At my DD's 4th birthday all but 2 mums stayed. We went to a 4th party the other week at their home and all mums stayed.

likingthespring · 12/06/2011 14:45

If he's happy to be left then I don't think you need to stay.

worraliberty · 12/06/2011 14:46

What BooyHoo said.

Either me or my DH has always stayed when their that young...and if we had to bring the little ones along...well we did.

Either way, we nearly always found ourselves nursing the bumps and bruises of strange children...showing them where the toilet was and endlessly saying "I don't know" when asked where the drinks/party food is coming out.

You can't always rely on the staff or even the host to look after so many children at once in a soft play for example.

IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp · 12/06/2011 14:46

Also at both DD's party and the party we went to there were siblings there.

Ragwort · 12/06/2011 14:46

Have a word with the other mum - I happily left my 3 year old at a party but I did get one or two raised eyebrows Grin. Personally I think it is a pain in the neck when parents stay at parties but you always get a few who won't leave their precious darlings children (SN excepted of course).

in3minds · 12/06/2011 14:50

All you have to do is ask the parents of the birthday child what they expect - i.e. let them know you weren't intending to stay as you imagine your ds will be fine and you've a small baby - is that ok?

Original poster
shadycharacter · 12/06/2011 14:57

IWantToBeAFairy, I didn't want to wait and see what the other mums do in case most of them leave, I'd feel rude to just bugger off without pre-warning the host I'd be leaving my child!

BooyHoo, I'm BF and HATE doing it in public (silly I know) and DS2 will not take a bottle from me, for this reason I pretty much don't go anywhere for longer than 30 mins atm :( Also the party is outdoors, if the weather is like it is today I don't really want him out in the rain, although it wouldn't bother DS1!

OP posts:
Original poster
shadycharacter · 12/06/2011 15:00

Yes, I'll probably do that in3minds, just kinda didn't want to even suggest that I may leave him in case it was some huge faux pas to leave a 3yr old at a party, I have enough trouble fitting in with the school mums as I'm a lot younger than them and rather shy!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 12/06/2011 15:00

Another thing you have to consider at that age is how well behaved your child is likely to be with you not there.

Looking back over the years, some of the kids acted like total little Shall we say spirited? as soon as their parents left.

BooyHoo · 12/06/2011 15:01

in that case, just ring and ask the parent of birthday child if you can leave. or could your partner stay?

PuppyMonkey · 12/06/2011 15:06

DD went to a 4 year old birthday party ( All kids were 4) and I dropped off expecting to stay, but was delighted when asked if I'd mind leaving as the parents had a really small house and there wasn't enough room for us all . I was quite confident to leave DD there - as the mum just happens to be her key worker at nursery.

So go along expecting to stay, is what I'm trying to say.Grin

MovingAndScared · 12/06/2011 15:10

why don't you ask what the other mums at pre school are doing -I expect most will be staying mine you - and if you know one at all well maybe they could keep an eye on your DS?

Original poster
shadycharacter · 12/06/2011 15:30

I reckon most will leave the kids tbh but who knows! I think I'll ring the mum and just ask if she'd prefer parents to stay.

DP can't stay at party or stay home with baby as he's working. I had initially planned to stay and then I thought about it and it just seems a bit awkward!

Worral, DS1 is an angel I know he'll be good as gold ;)

I love being a mum but it's this social side of it that gets me confused, it's like there's like a rulebook which apparently nobody gave me!

OP posts:
IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp · 12/06/2011 15:31

Oh I see, no-one warned me they were going to leave their children and it didn't bother me they did. One of the children I knew very well, the other one not so much, but she didn't mind being left.

I still think though at 3/4 most of the parents will be staying.

IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp · 12/06/2011 15:33

LOL Shady at rulebook to parenthood, I thought it was just me that missed that one. It would be very useful.

BooyHoo · 12/06/2011 15:46

shady i think MN is as close as you'll get to a general rule book on what is acceptable and what isn't! Grin

Shakirasma · 12/06/2011 15:53

I've got 3 kids, ranging from 13 to 4, so I have been to, and hosted loads of parties.

IME at age 3/4 parents are usually expected to stay. Not only do most parents not want to leave their kids alone in that situation, but most hosts who are undoubtably very busy, would not want the responsibility of having to look after a child that young.

yousankmybattleship · 12/06/2011 15:57

I would definitely have ben quite shocked if a Mum had left a three year old at any of the parties I've had for my children.

redskyatnight · 12/06/2011 15:57

At DD's 4th birthday it was about 50/50 droppers and stayers (some of the invitees were 3). If he is happy to be left and host is happy as well I can't see a problem. If baby brother is likely to disruptive (e.g a toddler that wants to get into everything) I think I personally think I'd rather you went than stayed (no offence).

thumbwitch · 12/06/2011 16:01

I wouldn't leave DS just yet, he's 3.6. I expect he'd be fine but he might not be and he wouldn't understand why I wasn't there.
Ring the mum and explain your concerns - I'm sure she'll be fine for you to stay with the baby as well.

exoticfruits · 12/06/2011 16:07

Just ask in advance.

foreverondiet · 12/06/2011 16:15

Simple - just ask the mum who is making the party what she expects. If she wants mums to hang around then she'll expect younger siblings to come too. Make it clear you are happy either way.

FWIW at my DC's school very few mum's (if any) stayed at 4th birthday parties. But most mums stayed at 3rd birthday parties, hence you do need to ask to be sure whats best.

Even if you leave, you can leave your mobile number.

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