AIBU?!

[SoEmbarassed]

Hi

Name changed for something embarassing in health now keeping this in case I'm identified here.

AIBU to exepct a BBQ when I'm invited to one? One of my friends held one a couple of weeks ago. I'd been invited with my DH and DC's several weeks in advance and the invite and reminder made it clear it was a BBQ. Perfect for them. They love them, they love the food, they will happily munch on chicken drumsticks, sausages, burgers etc... anything thrown on the BBQ.

We decided to get the train. She lives a long way from us. We spend over £100 on train tickets for 4 people. We get there for lunchtime as asked, nothing is ready and food doesn't happen until after 3pm and there is no BQ. It's standing there but not used. What we got was a cold buffet with food that would be tricky for many young DC's to like. There was virtually no meat which would be fine but the veg options were a bit much. A huge veggie stew, cold omelettes full of a medley of vegetables, cold rice, salad, cold everything, the only meat to speak was very heavily cured ham and it had been hand cut so it was very thick and my younger DC couldn't even chew it and spat it out. They were raised with manners so neither of them said a word at lunch. They just tried a bit of everything but didn't eat much and I ate some of it for them when they didn't want it so as not to waste the food. They just munched on the bits of bread there.

It was fine they had a good day but I didn't apprecaite the 2 hour train ride home a few hours later later with my youngest DC in particular who half way thru the journey starts whining and then crying with hunger. If I'd known I would have brought some food for my DC's with me but I thought they'd be stuffed after the BBQ and sleep it off.

Please tell me if you think I'm being ungrateful but I just thought that if I'm invited to a garden BBQ there would actually be one.

pip :) :) :)

My 6 yr old, who I manage to feed easily, would not have eaten: omlettes/anything with egg, anything spicy, salad except cucumber and baby tomato, rice or oily fish.

But would have eaten sausages, burgers, chicken etc. Jacket spuds, sweetcorn/cobb, pasta, new pots, non-oily fish, baked peppers, all of which we do at BBQs.

If I was expecting a BBQ I wouldn't have packed a picnic for the train either.

OP YANBU - sorry your day out was such a bust.

YANBU to expect what you were invited too - but I don't think it would bother me beyond the time spent there, except for the train money - that would piss me off.

YABU not to have something food wise on a 4 hour round trip with children as young as 3yo.

I am also surprised that you would spend that much on a train journey to someones home but couldn't ask that someone for a sandwich/ crisps for the DC's.

ps PMSL @ hully

If you had a child crying with hunger then wouldn't you buy them some lovely char-grilled meat at the train station? At a fast food place or something?

OP, you make it sound like your 'friend' hasn't honoured a contract or something, it comes across as a very odd attitude tbh.

I am wondering where this friendship comes from. It may just be me but if these people were friends, surely you would have been communicating beforehand? She lives 2 hours away? How often do you see her and in all honesty, why did she invite you?

I ask as if I had friends round for anything and their DC didnt eat what was laid out and they mentioned it (they would surely? You being friends?), I would sort something for them.

Sorry just to add, what I am saying is as "friends" do you not speak to eachother? Not sure what kind of friendship it is without communication.

I've been to BBQs where everything was heavily spiced and/or marinated and probably not great for small DC. So I don't think you could assume that BBQ=food your DC would eat.

Why didn't you ask your hostess if you could make a cheese sandwich or something (with many apologies for the fussiness of your child)? If she's a good enough friend for that sort of trip, surely she wouldn't have minded?

I thought you were going to say that you travelled all that way and didn't get lunch! A BBQ doesn't have to mean hot dogs and burgers so You could easily have had marinated meat and lots of salads and spicy things (including the marinade). Surely you went to see the friends-not to be fed a meal that justified the train fare?

"I'd have stopped and bought crisps/cheese strings/crap before getting on the train, though."

"couldnt you have got him a bag of crisps on the station"

I had that in mind too but it was a very small station and there was literally nothing to buy. We had food for the journey down but I thought we'd be ok going home after a BBQ.

The 8 year old girl present said to her mum "I thought we were having a BBQ" and her mum shushed her. She didn't like it either and she was 5 years older than my child. So I wasn't the only one who thought it. To the person who asked why my 3 yo was crying with hunger after "only 2 hours" I didn't say that, please read properly. It was towards the end of a long train ride home and certainly wasn't only 2 hours after lunch that he acted up.

Well fine. To the people who flamed me, I refuse to believe that your 3 year olds would eat chilli fish, cold veggie stew (the veggie was aubergine, courgette, etc), cold spicy rice, cold omelette, all together and would tuck in happily if served with it.

I do not have a habit of indulging my DC's behaviour either as so many parents do. While my child was whining on the train about being hungry, I told him he should have eaten what he was given in that case.

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable either.

I don't have DC yet but I have some idea of how to cater for them. When I invite guests to my house, I don't just consider what I want, I consider what my guests like or could eat.

The food the OP describes sounds quite unsuitable for young children and the host should have thought of that. It isn't rocket science. I've held cold buffet lunches for guests before but I tend to make sandwiches with young child friendly fillings along with carrot and celery sticks just so there's something children would eat.

I think it also rude to label to the OP's three year old fussy just becasue he/she wont eat chilli smothered fish or cold veggie stew. I have come across children who literally wont eat anything unless they have chocolate next to them with it, or who wont eat anything with sauce on it, it all has to be plain. Heck I once had a friend and her child over on a rainy day and we thought we'd have pizza and DVD's. The 9 year old wouldn't eat the pizza as he wont eat anything but plain cheese on pizzas. When faced with those food options it's unfair to call the OP's 3 year old fussy. I wouldn't expect a 3 year old to eat that.

I'd have been really disappointed, I love a BBQ and would have been really looking forward to it. Friend or no friend, if I'd turned up to a questionable buffet I'd have been politely smiling but crying inside!

And DD is a great eater but she wouldn't have eaten much from your description.

I was thinking that you were being unreasonable, SoEmbarassed, until you said that everything was heavily spiced. Whether or not the meal was a cold buffet or a BBQ, I don't think it is reasonable to provide lots of spicy food with no/almost no other alternatives when there are going to be small children present - and I wouldn't have expected a meal like this if I was invited out with my dses when they were small - the only exception being when an indian colleague of dh asked us round for a meal - and even then the hostess had made lightly spiced stuff ,because she knew we were bringing small children who were probably unused to spicy food.

YANBU
I and my friends will always make sure there is bread, butter, cheese, picky bits that children like if we are doing any kind of food thing that involves children. My DS wouldn't eat anything the OP has listed and unless there was an additional pile of baguette and cheese that she hasn't mentioned, I'd be fed up too. In fact I'd probably (with host's permission) raid their fridge/cupboards to feed him something he'd eat. I expect children to be catered for if they are invited, and sadly many young DCs won't eat proper food no matter hard I people try.

Cheese in a veg stew? Really?

"Cheese in a veg stew? Really?"

Yup. But it must have been veggie friendly cheese.

The train tickets shouldn't have been so expensive but DH said he was gonig to book them in advance when they would have been a fraction of the price. But he forgot and we had to buy them on the day. I'll do it myself in future.

The lunch wasn't running a little late, it was a full two hours late.

Oh well.

Don't know why you're getting such a hard time. The food sounds seriously shit. Never mind about being child friendly (I'm one of those people who don't think there should be such a thing as child food and adult food), what kind of manners is it to invite people who have to come from afar without even a tiny effort to provide some reasonably good/ok food?

I am surprised you travelled two hours by train to a BBQ though!

"I am surprised you travelled two hours by train to a BBQ though!"

They live in the country so it was a nice place for the DC's to play too. it wasn't just for food. It was a day out.

Ah right, that makes sense then. If it's more of a 'spend some of the day with us' than 'eat this and get lost' sort of thing :).

dont think YABU op, do as hully suggests next time.

I also don't see why the OP has been flamed here. She didn't complain to the host, she and her children were not rude the the host. If I were invited to a bbq and got cold veg stew I wouldn't be very impressed either.

Depending on who it was I may laugh and say so where are the sauages then? And a conversation would develop from there, other friends I wouldn't.

Strange agreed OP, but next time take extra snacks just in case!

BTW we once invited friends for dinner and they admited they'd had a McD on the way over as they hadn;t expected a huge meal when they arrived - even though they'd been invited for dineer!

You have said a few times op that you don't believe any young children would eat from the buffet, my dd would and she is only 17 months. Granted she wouldn't eat huge amounts of anything but she would eat most of the things you mentioned,including the cold stew especially the cheese

Yanbu that you were expecting a bbq and didn't get one, but yabu not to have asked the hosts if you could make dc a cheese sandwich.

Don't really understand why you've been flamed, but you were quite rude with picking someone up on grammar and then making a mistake yourself. It is a shame you were travelling from a small station so no chance to buy snacks. Lesson learned, always carry extra snacks just in case.

It was a knee jerk reaction really. I was called bitchy and ungrateful in the first few posts and not to come here as I should expect people to be this way towards me on AIBU. So I was rude back to the person who said it not realising I'd made several typos myself. I'm a lousy typist.

I do accpet when I'm wrong most people here don't but it got my back up to be called bitchy and ungrateful.