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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU?!

121 replies

SoEmbarassed · 12/06/2011 14:13

Name changed for something embarassing in health now keeping this in case I'm identified here.

AIBU to exepct a BBQ when I'm invited to one? One of my friends held one a couple of weeks ago. I'd been invited with my DH and DC's several weeks in advance and the invite and reminder made it clear it was a BBQ. Perfect for them. They love them, they love the food, they will happily munch on chicken drumsticks, sausages, burgers etc... anything thrown on the BBQ.

We decided to get the train. She lives a long way from us. We spend over £100 on train tickets for 4 people. We get there for lunchtime as asked, nothing is ready and food doesn't happen until after 3pm and there is no BQ. It's standing there but not used. What we got was a cold buffet with food that would be tricky for many young DC's to like. There was virtually no meat which would be fine but the veg options were a bit much. A huge veggie stew, cold omelettes full of a medley of vegetables, cold rice, salad, cold everything, the only meat to speak was very heavily cured ham and it had been hand cut so it was very thick and my younger DC couldn't even chew it and spat it out. They were raised with manners so neither of them said a word at lunch. They just tried a bit of everything but didn't eat much and I ate some of it for them when they didn't want it so as not to waste the food. They just munched on the bits of bread there.

It was fine they had a good day but I didn't apprecaite the 2 hour train ride home a few hours later later with my youngest DC in particular who half way thru the journey starts whining and then crying with hunger. If I'd known I would have brought some food for my DC's with me but I thought they'd be stuffed after the BBQ and sleep it off.

Please tell me if you think I'm being ungrateful but I just thought that if I'm invited to a garden BBQ there would actually be one.

OP posts:

methodsandmaterials · 12/06/2011 14:40

Pumpernickel is that most delish black bread no? Mmmmm.

pumpernickel10 · 12/06/2011 14:41

I wouldn't know method my user name is named after our hamster

methodsandmaterials · 12/06/2011 14:43

You haven't tried it? FFS YABVU.
Get thee to a German bakery pronto.

Reality · 12/06/2011 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

darleneoconnor · 12/06/2011 14:46

NEVER expect people without DCs of their own to provide child-friendly food. They just dont get it.

pumpernickel10 · 12/06/2011 14:46

dogsbestfriend DH is veggie, its DD that will only eat fish so she's a pescitarian

pumpernickel10 · 12/06/2011 14:47

That told me method sounds delicious will look out for it

troisgarcons · 12/06/2011 14:48

Do you mind awfully if I wander through this thread and take it wildly off tangent for two tics?

Thank you!

If you are invited out, you eat what is put in front of you. That is simple manners. (It's also a courtesy to ask what your guests would like). So why is it, forum after forum, thread after thread I see vegetarians (sling in vegans and piscatarians also) telling people they don't eat meat and expecting to be catered for? remind me to have the same lack of manners one day and give my host a bell and announce 'you do realise I'm a chomping carnivore, don't forget to procure 1/2 a cow for me, will you?'

I do apologise, mini rant over. But it is one of my pet hates.

Back to the OP - if you can't sling two slices of bread together and make a sandwich, then that's a poor show m'dear. All in all, is it really worth being mardy about? Why couldn't you pick up something at the train station? most have a whole host of sandwich/bagel/McD joints open. 2 hour train trip? Buffet car surely?

chocolatehobnobs · 12/06/2011 14:49

YANBU. Not a child friendly feast. I think you were polite not to make a fuss and I think she could have given you a quick call to let you know the plans had changed.
Hully, laughing lots at your response.

DogsBestFriend · 12/06/2011 14:49

pumpernickle, you wrote DH twice instead of DH and then DD. :o No wonder I was confused, it doesn't take much at the best of times!

And thanks a bunch, this dieter now has a longing for pumpernickle bread... cheers pal! :o

worraliberty · 12/06/2011 14:50

So what did they say when you asked why they cancelled the BBQ?

DogsBestFriend · 12/06/2011 14:53

trois, I'm going to a formal function next week. I've warned my host that I'm vegan to save him any embarrassment but don't expect him to instruct his caterers to scour the country for appropriate food. AFAIAC if the meal served is, say, a meat dish with a side order of vegetables I'll just eat the vegetables. Were it pasta and a meat sauce aiop I'll happy eat just the pasta and so on. I've not ever met any vegans/vegetarians (and I know lots) who are any different. Maybe you've just been unlucky with those you've met?

BooyHoo · 12/06/2011 14:54

thinking about this now, i have a very large family and between us all there can be 4/5 big family gatherings per year. it has never crossed my mind when invited to ask that there be food suitable for children, even when the hosts are not parents themselves. my children just pick what they want to eat and if tehre is nothing they like then tough titty. most houses have bread and toasters if there really isn't food that your dcs like.

pumpernickel10 · 12/06/2011 14:54

dogsbestfriend my brains to mush today and I agree that pumpernickel bread and thoughts of it ain't helping

penguin73 · 12/06/2011 14:55

I'm lucky - DS has always eaten pretty much anything if hungry as do most of my friends' children, but I do understand that others are not so lucky. If this was such a good friend could you not maybe have asked if you could do some cheese on toast or something simple for your children. As a host I would be horrified if I thought a guest had not been able to eat and was still angry about it weeks later. If you asked and she refused then YANBU but if you didn't make her aware of the problem then I think you are.

pumpernickel10 · 12/06/2011 14:58

If I was on a two hour journey and even if I was going to a BBQ I would have packed some sandwiches, fruit and some crisps. No way would I go all that way and not pack any food it does begger belief

pumpernickel10 · 12/06/2011 14:58

If I was on a two hour journey and even if I was going to a BBQ I would have packed some sandwiches, fruit and some crisps. No way would I go all that way and not pack any food it does begger belief

thursday · 12/06/2011 15:01

i can see how you were caught out to be expecting food your children eat happily and then to find a load of food they wouldn't eat instead but if they were good enough friends to travel £100s worth to a BBQ then i'd hope i'd be able to say do you mind if i make some toast for the kids? it's lovely that everyone here's children would have eaten that buffet gladly, i'm honestly jealous, my son wouldnt touch a thing and the hosts would i'm sure understand that.

but, i really don't understand how you knew they'd not eaten anything and were too polite to ask for something for them but didnt then get them something before you got back on the train? you paint a picture of them weak with hunger, mewling like distressed kittens on the way back. was there nowhere you could have grabbed them some crisps??

PinotGrigiosKittens · 12/06/2011 15:03

I don't understand why you're getting flamed. It sounds like the buffet wasn't appropriate for your age children and rightly you feel annoyed at that as it was an invite to a BBQ not a spice-laden cold buffet. The idea of packing a fecking picnic for the journey is ridiculous.

PuppyMonkey · 12/06/2011 15:09

My kids wouldn't have eaten the stew either. But like i say, I would have refused to drag them out that far in the first place. Furthest I'll go for a sausage cob is next door's.

WhatsWrongWithYou · 12/06/2011 15:11

I'm with Pinot - baffles me why you were being called U straight from the off. My DCs are much older, def not fussy, but they'd struggle to make anything of a cold, spicy veggie buffet with rubber ham.
Where's the comfort in that? They're probably the type who never put their heating on in winter.
I'd have stopped and bought crisps/cheese strings/crap before getting on the train, though.

virginiasmonalogue · 12/06/2011 15:17

Don't like it, then don't eat it. They provided you with food and you turned your nose up at it. Yabu!

superjobeespecs · 12/06/2011 15:22

YANBU your friend should have warned the cancellation in advance especially as she knew you were coming from a distance with small kids and if that was impossible then at least when you arrived said we've put food out but if your kids would like anything diff please let us know. even a jam peese would be better than that!!

pipandpet · 12/06/2011 15:27

OP - can I point out that if you are going to correct people on their use of grammar, then you should make sure that yours is always precise.

ooohyouareawfulbutilikeyou · 12/06/2011 15:29

crying with hunger after a couple of hours????

couldnt you have got him a bag of crisps on the station

you are being ridiculous

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