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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask you to remind me why coke is BAD

189 replies

OilySnatch · 12/06/2011 00:51

apart from the cost, which can feel, I keep forgetting why it is not a good idea?

pants are not entirely flameproof so please don't go mad with judgemental joy

OP posts:
strandednomore · 13/06/2011 10:33

Sorry am coming to this a bit late but if you want something to focus on and would like to know more about the harm the cocaine trade does to vulnerable people how about volunteering for a charity which supports foreign prisoners, including drug mules, in the UK? I got to know them from when I lived in Jamaica and they do great work. Here is a link: Hibiscus

I think you have already got all the information about why you shouldn't do cocaine. Only you can make the decision to stop but at least find out all the facts about what sort of trade you are supporting.

Olifin · 13/06/2011 13:33

Glad to see you're thinking of making some changes OP but I have to say, you don't sound all that convinced.

I had a horrid coke habit. Pre-children, thank God, no way I would have been able to deal with the urchins on a comedown. I've also had an alcohol problem and a long-term cannabis addiction. You name it, I can get addicted to it.

I don't think it's a coincidence that my MH problems are far more pronounced now than they were 10 years ago. The drugs don't work, they just make you worse.

When I look back on the time I was taking coke very regularly (a period of just under a year, as I recall), I don't recognise the person I was. I got myself into some very unpleasant situations while under the influence. I got into debt. I lost some nice friends. I felt physically awful, most of the time.

You say it's 'been gathering momentum in the past couple of months' and how can it not? Not many people are able to keep it to a very occasional 'treat' as it's so ridiculously addictive. I think you are kidding yourself in saying it's a 'bit of a dependency'. You're doing it at home mostly. A gram or two a week? Farking hell.

You are 'scared of depression and the possibility that coke raises the risk of it.' I'd say it's more than a possibility, I'm afraid. I had a course of CBT last year which was excellent. I told my therapist I have a 'void' which I feel like I need to fill with things, usually bad things. She asked about past drug use and I told her about all of it. She said that anxiety and depression is more common in people who have enjoyed lots of recreational drug use in their younger lives. They've experienced highs which are almost impossible to match with the sorts of 'highs' available from day to day living. She is right. I now have to focus hard on enjoying the rather more gentle (yet more profound) highs afforded by being in a really good relationship, having two fantastic children, being outside, exercising. Simple everyday pleasures.

Good idea to focus on other things to fill your time. You could do really exciting things like parachute jumping if you need big adrenaline highs. Or just take more time and care to find the joy in every day things. Gardening, meditation, whatever....

You clearly don't wan to try therapy. Have you considered CBT? It's a lot more practical than most talking therapies. Happy to tell you more about my experiences with it if you're interested.

If you're serious about stopping, you will need to give some serious thought to your friendship group. When I stopped taking coke, I had to cut all ties with a particular group of people. When I stopped cannabis, it was harder because some of those people were lifelong friends. I couldn't cut ties with them altogether so I just had to be really honest with them and tell them that I wasn't going to be able to socialise with them when cannabis was going to be smoked. ie we could still meet up in the daytime with the kids but not in evenings. Because they're good friends and they love me, they respected it totally and gave me their full support. You'll need the same kind of arrangement with your drug-taking friends. Does your OH use as well?

Olifin · 13/06/2011 13:35

Sorry for the essay Grin

Meant to add- I haven't taken coke for 6 years and cannabis free for about 6 months now. Alcohol is the next bridge to cross. Currently got it under control but if it gets out of control again, I will have to consider shelving it altogether. Oh, and the fags too Life is too short and I'm sick of being a slave to substances. I want to be the one in control and I think I'm interesting enough without chemical help.

TeamDamon · 13/06/2011 13:40

You end up looking like this

LadyBeagleEyes · 13/06/2011 13:49

Brilliant post Olifin, you said everything I wanted to say but you're more articulate.
It's over twenty years since I was an addict and I think Oily is still in denial and still trying to find excuses why it would be ok to keep using.
Not being mean Oily, but I had all the excuses too, and I'm not quite sure that you're ready to take on board that you are already addicted.
But I hope you try.

OilySnatch · 13/06/2011 13:55

I enjoyed the essay. All the responses have been helpful actually, but it is very useful to hear from those who have direct experience too.

It isn't a case of not wanting to try therapy, I must have performed a total volte face over the years because when I first came into contact with the services (and it was unsolicited, not a case of visiting gp and asking for help but passing GO and getting straight to hospital) I spent hours and hours pleading for some sort of talking therapy instead of pills. Eventually, once my mood had stabilised, I was 'allowed' one to one CBT but was at cross purposes with the therapist and got kicked out. Her remit was to get me to acknowledge that I had a mood disorder and needed pills and a Plan for reducing likelihood of further episodes. I just wanted someone to acknowledge that I might not have the disorder at all, that there might be other things going on (personality disorder perhaps). We did this once a week for about nine months before she had had enough.

Anyway, that was several years ago, recently I asked again about whether there was any sort of talking based treatment to help with a specific thing I seem to have great difficulty putting behind me. We (me, cpn and psychiatrists) have talked about it a lot and the consensus last time it was raised was that it wouldn't be good. I can't get anywhere near the topic verbally, or otherwise. It's like getting blood from a stone. So we drew up the Positive Coping Action list instead. Coke is obviously one of the Negative Coping things, but I hadn't disclosed that - at the time alcohol was more of a problem.

OP posts:
Olifin · 13/06/2011 13:56

Thank you LadyBeagle Blush

Absolutely agree about excuses..... 'I'm still young'......'I can afford it'.....'I don't get comedowns/hangovers'.......'I feel ok'.....'I am able to hold down a job/relationship'......'so and so does it and they seem to me to be a very well-adjusted person'......'It's only once a week/once a month'....'I could give up easily if I wanted to, therefore I'm not addicted'....
They are endless and they are all just excuses.

(I hasten to add that 'I don't get comedowns/hangovers' was never one of the excuses available to me; mine always made me want to top myself. I do know others who've used that exact excuse though!)

Well done on twenty years of freedom, what a brilliant achievement :)

mrsgordonfreeman · 13/06/2011 13:57

Because it's one of the few drugs that you absolutely should never take whilst breastfeeding.

That alone should give you pause.

The fact that huge swathes of the countries where it grows are war zones, that it is smuggled in by exploited mules and the profits from its sales go to fund god knows what, should also encourage you to stop and think.

Grow your own fair trade weed instead.

MarianneM · 13/06/2011 13:57

This thread has made me feel a bit better about myself, I was ready to feel guilty for drinking too much diet coke Grin

Feel innocent now.

Olifin · 13/06/2011 14:00

Crossed posts there.

Oily, if there's a personality clash with the therapist, it's never going to work well :( Might be worth seeing if you can get another referral for CBT to give it another chance? I was the opposite with my therapist- when we eventually parted company after 9 months of treatment, I nearly cried because I couldn't quite work out how I'd ever survive without her Blush

I think being honest with your cpn and psychs is absolutely the best plan.

OilySnatch · 13/06/2011 14:02

But that's what I'm saying, the cpn and consultant think therapy is a riskier strategy than the alternatives they have come up with, which are mainly practical things that are supposed to reduce anxiety.

OP posts:
Olifin · 13/06/2011 14:07

Sure, I understood that; just wondered whether CBT might be a bit different since it doesn't necessarily involve as much navel-gazing as other therapies.

Good idea to tell them about the Charlie though. They need to know everything in order to be able to give you the best help.

OilySnatch · 13/06/2011 14:08

Have definitely decided to tell cpn, but she is phoning after work when I probably can't talk. I know it is the sort of thing they need to know but it could have unhelpful repercussion. Anyway have made that decision now.

OP posts:
MarianneM · 13/06/2011 14:11

Finished reading the thread...

Drugs, alcohol, and you have children...? Sounds horrible. What is it with people? This is an age when people don't grow up anymore.

Maybe I need a break from mumsnet.

OilySnatch · 13/06/2011 14:12

Cross posted with you olifin, cbt might be an option. I have nothing to lose by asking.

OP posts:
WowOoo · 13/06/2011 14:25

Good luck Oily.
I could have fallen down the slippery coke slope through work years ago.
Everyone was on it and it was free.
Saw a film of myself and some colleagues after we'd all done some.Watched it back when i was straight. Really put me off - Everyone was a selfish, opinionated twat on coke. Luckily I'd only had it a few times. (And I preferred a spliff at the end of the night as a treat)

You can and will do it. We're all here to help.

stanausauruswrecks · 13/06/2011 14:26

Well, it will exacerbate your MH issues.
It increases the risk of heart attack, arrythmia and accelerates the process which causes your arteries to fur up (thus increasing the risk of stroke, heart attack and peripheral vascular disease).
You need to tell all to your CPN/Consultant for them to be able to help you come off safely.

NormanTebbit · 13/06/2011 14:38

"What is it with people? This is an age when people don't grow up anymore"

no people have always taken drugs but this is an age where people can access help.

my friend tried the 'talking cure' but found AA more effective as it dealt with a host of problems; drugs, alcohol, associated behaviours and made her face up to her behaviour. She also met people further down the road - people whose children had been taken into care, who had lost everything good in their lives and it gave her pause for thought.

As I said, she is off the booze, coke and fags - although still addicted to nicotine chewing gum and is a compulsive tidy upper.

OilySnatch · 13/06/2011 17:45

Compulsive tidying would be a wonderful outcome!

Glad I have told cpn, talked about it a bit and the various options. Will have a proper discussion later in the week.

OP posts:
Olifin · 13/06/2011 17:50

Well done Oily, sounds like a good start. Good luck with it all.

NorthernGobshite · 13/06/2011 21:24

Well done; a really good step forward. Good luck xx

Eurostar · 13/06/2011 21:33

Well done, hope they can help.

What you said about the "good" part being that it gave you backbone. This is the sort of area where CBT might help in that, if you can step back and look at the situation, see what your fears were that were holding you back, you may start to believe in your own capability to do things without the drug. The drug was only accentuating parts of you that you will be able to reach yourself. No good using it to make changes for the better if you are no longer around as you are dead from a heart attack or permanently psychotic.

mrsgordonfreeman · 14/06/2011 09:44

Good luck :)

Trolldar · 23/06/2011 23:40

TDWP, is that you?

cerealqueen · 23/06/2011 23:42

Amy Winehouse. I rest my case.