In the last 5 days I have been spat at, sworn at, screeched at, pushed and had a chair thrown at my head (succesful shot)

[activate]

and I should go back to work next week because?

Activate you have my sympathy
Speaking as someone who, in the last week has been told by a child that they hope my daughter dies, been called a fat cunt by a parent, and had my foot stamped on

I hope you get the support you need and your mouth is better soon

Catinthehat2 you're a real charmer
'jadey jadey jadey'???

Wtf? So because the OP gets respite whilst away from her workplace she should suck it up?
She is not paid to be abused

What is the school management doing about these incidents??

All of you seem to have been abused in one way or another recently! I'm shocked - my school management would go berserk if that happened.

We're private, is that the difference? (genuine question)

catinthehat2 - stop it stop it stop it stop it.

I am fed up with people having a go at people for venting.
this is a public forum, not a playground.
the OP wants to vent about a job he finds difficult on a day-to-day basis.
she did not do it in a drama-queeny way, and she certainly didn't ask for abuse from you.

Leave it alone!

Lesley, I'm now working with adults with Sat 11 Jun 2011 so, while the shifts are a bastard, there's less risk (not reduced) I also think my boss is amazing mainly because she actually comes from a care background not, like most ime, a management one. It's the step from nvq3 to nvq4 that's really bloody hard.

I'm a pt youth worker and love it! Off for a week abroad with 6 of them this summer

Op if you can't face your current situation look for something related - sn, adults, early years. I've generally had better experiences in the private sector. Getting out completely is ime nigh on impossible because employers look for relevant experience - which the recording reporting staying calm dealing with kids parents and outside agencies that we do isn't

'We're private, is that the difference? (genuine question)'

I've just inhaled my tea, thanks!

Private tend to pre-select their cohort, and can ask parents to remove their child if the behaviour becomes unacceptable, without having to provide an alternative. Other parents will stop paying fees if their child is not receiving the education they expect for their money.

'We're private, is that the difference? (genuine question)'

Speaking from the perspective of someone working in a inner city primary, the regularity of this type of incident causes the behaviour to become normalised.

For example, I watched the Poor Kids documentary this week and found it sad, though not remotely shocking.

FlyingOnion - The Op is not talking about a normal school. She is talking about working in a setting - I think residential - with children/teenagers with extremely challenging behaviour.

These places exist because ordinary settings can not cope with these teenagers and the staff are not expected to put up with the violence. But these children/teenagers have to go somewhere.

Of course any decent place will have strategies in place to minimise violence - verbal and physical - and there will be rewards and punishments available. But I don't think it is possible to stop violence in these types of places unless you use the chemical cosh or spend most of your time having 2-3 staff physically restraining 1 teenager.

I know lesley, but a lot of other posters on here have said they have been called names etc, and they seem to be at regular schools?

I'm NOT saying "we're private, we have no problem kids", I'm genuinely asking whether it makes a difference with our behaviour management policy. If a kid cannot behave, eventually they are asked to leave, as goblinchild said.

I know its much harder to expel a child now in state school, but am wondering whether these leads to a general lack of support from management when incidences happen such as parents calling you a "cunt"! If any of our parents did that they (and their child) who be asked to leave the school. What do state schools do about it?

Bllody phone! Date should actually be l d!

In my case the parent has been barred from school grounds for the rest of this term and their behaviour reported to Social Care.

In my city, PRUs will only take KS2 children normally, so it is a long and complicated process to find a suitable placement for a younger child. Particularly if the child has a chaotic/neglectful/violent homelife, my SMT are very keen on keeping them in school for as long as is humanly possible, so often staff deal with unacceptable situations for longer than they should in order to protect a child from the horrors of their homelife.

Clearly that should be social care's job but ime they move very slowly.

What can state schools do about it? They send the kids to somewhere like activates workplace. They have to go somewhere it's not their fault they are damaged. There should be better support for staff though. I used to work with adults with learning disabilities and challenging behaviour. Sometimes there is only so long you can deal with extreme behaviour. I don't think there is any shame in leaving, you have already made a valuable contribution to their lives but you need to take care of your own wellbeig as well.

wellbeing even

Flying, state schools send them to places like I've worked, and I assume the op does too. Specialist placements with trained and competent staff. However those higher up tend to have a mainstream teaching or managerial background while the frontline support staff are paid a pittance because they're seen as less qualified despite often having years of relevant experience speaking from a succession of bad experiences

Opinionated you've put it very well, thank you.

A stocmarket trader who burns out at 35 is sympathised with and has a pile of cash to cushion things. Specialist ta's get £7 an hour, I make just over minimum wage. So no private psychiatris to provide therapy

Purple - totally agree about staffing issue. I worked in front line for years. I am not a qualified teacher but I managed to move up to managerial because I work for a charity that values experience over qualifications. But I know that is rare. Most people I worked with have moved sideways into working with SN children, unqualified youth workers or Connexions.

In fact when connexions was first set up where I am, loads of staff I had worked with went there as they quickly recognised the high level of expertise the staff had - and the fact they were unqualified made them fairly cheap to hire.

Sorry flying onion - didn't realise what you were asking.

My Pru takes KS1 children and sometimes Reception. We do a lot of outreach work too. But it is a growth area - we cannot provide enough support for all the children who need it. And there are definitely not enough SEBD places to go around. Hence why some schools are desperately trying to manage these children themselves.

Flying Onion, if state schools were able to do what your school does, we would need 10 x the provision that there currently is for the permanently excluded pupils, in my borough at least.

Feeling better and more like me now - thank you this has been an interesting splurge.

If it helps clarify, and without trying to give too much identifying detail I work in a separate setting attached to but within a secondary school - we are not the final resort but we're quite close to it - we get mainstream students referred (sometimes just sent over) for a day, week, term - they go home at the end of the school day, many to a totally uncared for environment or one where they are the carer. The nighttime work I allude to is not prescripted by my job but sometimes they just need you.

The job can be frightening and wonderful at the same time. It can also be soul-destroying - 2 of my boys, who are scary little buggers with gang affiliations stepped in and helped calm the chair-thrower, there was a lot of concern for me and whether I was OK, quite a lot of spurious medical advice and lots of "you ok miss?" - this is what makes it worthwhile, this is what makes me go back - I was venting, and quite possibly having a minor pity-party

The society I see at work is fucked up and so very far from my own privileged upbringin. It's jarring - I used to work in private business I live in a nice area, my kids are well behaved and succeeding - so I go to work and am appalled but for the moment I'll keep going.

'2 of my boys, who are scary little buggers with gang affiliations stepped in and helped calm the chair-thrower, there was a lot of concern for me and whether I was OK, quite a lot of spurious medical advice and lots of "you ok miss?"'

That's the difference you and others working with you have made.

Bollocks were you having a pity-party - vent, yes. Pity party, no - understandable anxiety!

But still, as Goblin says - you have obviously made a difference to some of these children already and they obviously care about you - you're doing a great job. Hope you can stand to keep going a bit longer.

If they're like the ones I've met, that's probably the first time those lads have ever asked that question of an adult. Focus on that, because it's concrete evidence of the fantastic job you're doing.

What "switch off" techniques do you have between work and home? I guess this week has been particularly bad, but it sounds like you could do with either getting some or strengthening the ones you've got?

Activate. A great post. Hope it works out/ You are doing necessary work

You know why I like AIBU?

it's not sycophantic

and it's not touchy-feely

and I can't stand either

I like people being straight and occasionally bordering on rude (as long as they agree with me of course )

yes, i agree, but there's a fine line between telling someon to get a grip and telling them they're wasting their life moaning about something they can't do anything about.

There's quite a lot of people on MN at the moment going "if that's the worst thing that you've got to worry about, you're lucky" and it's not what we're about.

OP probably shouldn't have posted in AIBU - maybe Chat? because she's obviously not BU to be pissed off/concerned about her job.

she's got a fat lip!

Actually, while I love purplepidjin, Goblinchild and others on this thread, I have to admit this thread made my skin crawl a bit. Sorry. To me it read like a weird kind of pornography for those who have their children safely at school in the leafy boroughs.

They could thrill and gawp and be "Shocked" and "horrified" and at the horrible behaviour of the feral -- that mercifully they are insulated from. Bit Daily Mail-ish.

If it hadn't been for the contributions of posters such as p. and G., I think that, really, is what it would have been. I do love p. and G.

Er, private schools do vary; that's the point, you get variety not "bog standardness". DS1 attends a private school, few weeks ago one of his classmates threw a chair at a teacher. Was not excluded or expelled, either. I think his school specialises in the under-confident,over-volatile, SN and other tough cases.

Not long back they expelled a GCSE-level student for smoking, though.