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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off that DP thinks I should decline pain relief during labour?

103 replies

CJ2010 · 10/06/2011 16:44

He thinks that I should just get on with it and do it 'naturally'. When I question why, he just sort of shrugs and says that he deosn't really believe in taking medicine. Doesn't think I should have an epidural!

However, he can't understand why I call him a hypocrite, when he thinks nothing of sinking a bottle of wine of an evening.

I'm feeling really fucked off with him.

OP posts:

MrsBethel · 10/06/2011 17:04

He sounds like he's either being a bit of a wanker, or has a bad sense of humour.

It would be reasonable of him to point out that an epidural is not without risks (death or paralysis is unlikely, but every year it happens to some women), so it might be wise to only have one if the midwife thinks the benefits outweigh the risks. But he isn't saying that, is he...

EnnuiGo · 10/06/2011 17:05

Was he present during your first traumatic birth??

Can i request that the dinosaur also be holding a large set of Alan Keys?

tootooposh · 10/06/2011 17:05

Isn't it odd how nobody blinks an eyelid at the concept of analgesia for other painful things - migraine, broken leg, slipped disc - but somehow there is an attitude (even amongst some midwives) that it is "natural" to suffer pain in labour so the pain should not be relieved. Does it come from a weird interpretation of the Biblical verse on the casting out of Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden , I wonder? Bonkers.

If it hurts a lot and there is a safe, researched method of stopping it hurting that you want to use, then use it. Simples.

thursday · 10/06/2011 17:06

was he there for your first labour? sounds like he hasn't the first idea of what actually happens and how much it hurts. i'd tell him he either accepts that its your body and you know what's in store for you or he wasn't welcome at the birth. christ, the very last thing i needed in labour was someone NOT IN LABOUR making me feel like a feeble little wuss for not coping.

Poppyella · 10/06/2011 17:07

He's a fucking twat!!!

Tell him to stay away from you in labour.

Wanker

passivelyaggresive · 10/06/2011 17:07

What a twat - you know, my DP was very supportive of MY decision to refuse pain relief when i was in labour, he would have also been supportive of my decision to go with pain relief had i wanted it. As a result of his support, i was able to do it without pain relief, despite me begging and threatening at the end stage when the midwife told me it was too late stubborn cow emoticon! Because he is actuing like such a cunt over it, you wont be relaxed will be more likely to need it.

Would just like to say that not everyone needs pain releif - each labour is different and people cope with pain differently, but it is certainly bloody nice to know its there as an option.

Yukana · 10/06/2011 17:07

Epidurals for me are a big fat no. The amount of times I've heard people say they've had long-term back troubles or something related to the spine because of them makes me shiver.

Other than that, I'm all for any other kind of pain relief. I don't blame your DP for being concerned about epidurals, but I don't think he quite realises how painful childbirth can be...

tootooposh · 10/06/2011 17:08

zukiekat yes, I agree: for me personally childbirth = gas and air, kidney stones = diamorphine. I bet your DH didn't tell you to grin and bear it? But for some women, perhaps childbirth hurts as much as labour.

Omigawd · 10/06/2011 17:08

YANBU - does he know this can be one of the most painful things a person can experience? It is not his call at all.

IDontCaredawntigga · 10/06/2011 17:11

YANBU tell him you'll decline pain relief if he'll walk over electrical plugs whilst having a full body wax during labour to take your mind off it.

FFSTiggaxx

bluebobbin · 10/06/2011 17:11

I was in horrible pain having my first - I had been induced 3 weeks early as I was ill and my body was clearly not ready to labour so I had lots of induction drugs on a drip. Anyway. Before I got the epidural, I had G&A. DH decided that it wasn't good so everytime I took some, he tried to snatch the mouthpiece away from me.

People who don't believe in pain relief simply haven't been in enough pain.

We had some very serious words afterwards and when I was having my 2nd, DH let me have all the G&A I wanted.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 10/06/2011 17:11

I would not want him there if that was his attitude.

Can't believe he is putting pressure on you when you nearly died in your first labour

passivelyaggresive · 10/06/2011 17:13

What always puzzles me is this - bit of aside really, but why does labour hurt so much? As humans we seem to really suffer and its pretty much as painful as it gets but you see animals giving birth and they dont writhe around in agony and need pain relief (well at least they dont [ask]) for pain relief, what is it about humans that makes us suffer so?

allegrageller · 10/06/2011 17:16

but passive animals as you say cannot ask!! I bet they would if they could.

Also the human animal has a particularly bad time in childbirth due to the particularly large heads of human babies.

JamieAgain · 10/06/2011 17:18

Was he sentient when you had your first child?

Nurk

LilQueenie · 10/06/2011 17:18

It would be understandable if he had said he was worried about the effect on the baby however he is unreasonable because he thinks he can tell you what to do.

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/06/2011 17:20

"He thinks that I should just get on with it and do it 'naturally'."

Naturally? Naturally, we are bipeds currently evolving from a quadruped, whose pelvis (and birth canal) is therefore something of a compromise. Use what pain relief you need.

Is it that he doesn't really believe in YOU taking medicine, but he'd be reaching for the antibiotics for infection in himself? Injections before going abroad? Childhood vaccines? I'm all for not using medicines excessively, but FFS childbirth hurts!

Georgimama · 10/06/2011 17:21

Our labours are much worse than other mammals because of the large cranium we need to develop our complex and powerful brains.

I agree it is entirely possible the OP may not need or want any pain relief - I only had G&A from 8cm dilated onwards and nothing else, but that was my choice and everything was up for grabs if I felt I wanted it. If someone had made that decision for me I would have felt powerless and frightened. Not a good combo in labour as stress hormones interrupt the hormones needed for labour.

Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby · 10/06/2011 17:21

hmmm not sure it is comparable with surgery etc... But maybe migraine? I mean it is muscular isn't it, pretty much. I mean sure it hurts hell of a lot, and there are moment when you want to quit, but remember that if you are in labour it will end soon REALLY helped me... Other pain is a bit different, the conclusion is less 'fun' and more indeterminate.
I had a STUPID epidrual 1st time round (I say stupid cos I could still feel pain, but it was in the wrong place, and the mw told me I should be expecting pain, cos I was in labour). PLus I had really weird back pain afterwards sort of tingly. and labour was more text book, and aside from GandA and tens, it was a walk in the park... ear ache was worse (in hindsight), but my 1st was hell itself, so u just cannot tell. People need an open mind to have or have not with regards to pain relief. And that is certainly something the OP's DH needs.

SuePurblybilt · 10/06/2011 17:23

To quote another thread

"Ur Vag ur choice hun"

Tell him to feck off.

JamieAgain · 10/06/2011 17:25

Mrs - interesting, but actually I found labour pain worse than normal pain because it keeps bloody happening at regular intervals. And the famed "respite between contractions" None for me 9unless you count dozing off for 2 seconds under the influence of pethidine. My DH does know the meaning of pain poor thing - his hand took the brunt of it with each contraction.

dinkystinky · 10/06/2011 17:25

Only read the OP

Get him to try to push a grapefruit out of his japseye without pain relief first and then he can have an opinion on it.

You do what you need to do inorder to give birth!

Sierra19 · 10/06/2011 17:25

YANBU. What a twat.

motherinferior · 10/06/2011 17:27

'remember that if you are in labour it will end soon '

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sorry, my first labour took really rather a long time, about 40 hours in all I'd say. I am not unique in this. And I'd laboured for, ooooh, 24 hours before arriving in hospital so no it wasn't the effects of an unnatural environment.

Mind you, OP, my second took eight hours start to finish, from the pop of the waters to the emergence of the baby in my front room.

Birdsgottafly · 10/06/2011 17:28

Do you know of anywhere that you can get a cattle prod from? Every time you have a contraction, you poke him with it. Have another birth partner to hand, so when you are in advanced labour, they can take over poking him with it. In fact have a trial run before hand.

I also had gas and air but believe that the choice of pain relief at least takes away the fear of the pain and not coping.

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